


We Will Never Be Afraid Again

by hemakeshimstrongx



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, Little Mix (Band), One Direction (Band), Taylor Swift (Musician), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Character Death, Constellations, Drinking, Endgame Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, F/F, F/M, Fighting, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Hook-Up, Kissing, Loosely based on, M/M, Making Out, Non-Graphic Smut, Non-Graphic Violence, Opening Up, Past Relationship(s), Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smoking, Unstable relationship, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies obviously, alright i think that's everything?, at some points, blowjobs!, feelings nd stuff, handjobs!, larry stylinson - Freeform, not detailed sex, not really a major character death, the stars, the walking dead - Freeform, use of guns/knives/violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 04:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 67,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7299991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hemakeshimstrongx/pseuds/hemakeshimstrongx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis Tomlinson has one main goal - to stay alive. He wants to keep himself and his friends alive. He has a plan - make his way to Washington DC with no distractions. The universe has other plans.</p><p>[featuring tons of Brits in the Americas, too much drinking given the circumstances, an obsession with the stars, Harry Styles' Karass, a few messy hookups, and a home where nobody thought to look.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Won't Live (Won't Live Like Them)

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is! My biggest project I have yet to take on. It's been under construction for nearly four months, and the final product is finally here. I spent so many hours working on this fic - many late nights, many free periods at school (and some actual class periods). I'm calling it The Walking Dead AU even though it's not really that based off of TWD. It has some elements of the TV show - Louis asks Rick Grimes' famous three questions whenever he encounters a new person, for example.  
> Some things to know:  
> 1) There will be some violence/weapon use, none of which is very graphic.  
> 2) There are a few smut scenes slipped in there! nothing too extreme/graphic. The focus of this novel is not the sex, it is the idea of finding something in such chaos.  
> 3) I always appreciate comments/kudos. Please don't be shy. I wanna know if you enjoy the read!

_ LOUIS _ **_._ **

It’s quiet, quiet, quiet. Everything is silent, and that’s how Louis likes it. Noise isn’t much of a problem lately, which Louis hoped would make his life a hell of a lot easier, but it’s actually made it a lot more scary. The silence sometimes leads to something bad. It never lasts for long. But right now, it’s quiet, and Louis can’t decide if that’s how he wants it to stay.

He exhales a breath, then pulls the trigger. The gunshot breaks the silence Louis had been surrounded by.

“Tomlinson!” Zayn whisper-shouts, further breaking Louis’ silence. “Are you fuckin’ crazy? Why’re you shooting your gun off?”

Louis points, wordlessly, at the edge of the forest line, where he’s just taken down a zombie. “Louis,” Zayn sighs. “It’s so far away. It never would’ve caught up to us.”

Louis stays silent, flips Zayn off and walks past him. “Why aren’t you talking to me?” Zayn presses, hurrying to catch up to Louis.

“We’re supposed to be quiet,” Louis whispers, looking over at his friend. “So I’m being quiet.”

“You’re an asshole, you know? We said we’d save bullets. Perrie’s gonna kill you if she finds out you wasted rounds. Walkers are for the crossbow,” he says, holding it up in front of Louis’ face as if to prove a point.

“Perrie isn’t going to find out. It was one damn bullet.”

“Perrie can hear gunshots,” she says suddenly, coming up alongside Louis. “Whatever, though. When you’re one round short I won’t be coming to save you.”

Louis lets out a laugh, looking down at the handgun in his palm. “That’s a lie, and you know it. I’m the only thing that’s kept you two alive.”

“We have to find Jesy and Taylor,” Perrie says. “I’m worried about them.”

“They couldn’t have gotten much further than we have.” Louis says thoughtfully. “When that house got overrun, we split off in different directions though. They could be headed south rather than north.”

“We never should’ve got split up on the first place,” Zayn shakes his head, clearly still angry about it. “That place was secure, so fucking secure. I still don’t get what happened.”

“It’s been weeks, Zee.” Perrie says softly, putting a hand over her knife and looking over her shoulder. “We’re never going to know why that place went to shit. It’s probably better to keep moving anyways.”

Zayn shakes his head again, kicking at a tree root as they walk over it. “Where’re we off to next?”

“Wherever the wind takes us,” Louis exhales, throwing a hand up for dramatic affect. “We can follow the stars, follow our hearts. Go with the breeze and the currents.”

“God, that shit was deep,” Zayn laughs, shoving Louis’ shoulder. “You’re still a sarcastic asshole.”

“You love me, and you’d be dead without me,” Louis states, stepping over a large rock.

“Possibly true.” Zayn admits. “Sadly. You know how I hate relying on other people.”

Perrie sighs. “That’s what we have to do now. Rely on other people. I just hope Jesy and Taylor found other people to rely on.”

“They’re tough. Strong. They've come a hell of a long way since we found them, wouldn’t you say?” Louis asks, looking to Zayn at his left.

“Hey!” Perrie exclaims. “We weren’t doing all that bad.”

“You’d just lost Jake, Jesy was falling apart because of it. You guys wouldn’t have made it.” Zayn explains. “Three girls with a knife, a gun and half a box of ammo.” 

“Don’t start being a dick. Louis is our resident dick, don’t take his position. We would’ve figured something out. It just so happened that you found us before we set the full plan into place.”

“I am not–” Louis goes to protest the fact that Perrie just referred to him as their resident dick, but promptly cuts himself off when they hear the distinct, unmistakable sounds. Louis whips around, gun already drawn.

“Knife,” Zayn says quietly. “The shot will draw even more of them. Go with your knife.”

Louis holsters the gun again, pulling out the blade instead. Perrie and Zayn have the same position, all back to back in a triangle formation. “I’ll cover the back, Malik, you got front?”

Zayn hums. They continue forward quietly, on high alert as they continue through the forest. “On the right,” Perrie says suddenly, finally spotting the zombie stumbling towards them at a slow and clumsy pace. “I got it.” She says, stepping forward to drive her blade through the thing’s temple before it can do anything else.

“She knows how to hold her own,” Louis says, still scanning the surrounding area for accompanying walkers.

Zayn nods, watching Perrie take the walker out. “She definitely can.”

Louis looks at him with a shit-eating grin on his face, making Zayn roll his eyes. “Shut the hell up.”

“I know you guys were banging in that little back bedroom at that house,” Louis sings. “Apparently she told Taylor and Jesy.”

“I’m sure she did. Just shut up about it, okay? There’s no room for romance. Not like this. Not now.”

“Hey, at least you're getting some. I highly doubt I’m gonna find any eligible bachelors out here,” Louis sighs.

“Boohoo. Pity party for the self pity-er!” Perrie cries, wiping fake tears from her cheeks. “You're not gonna find a hot boy to fuck around with in this post apocalyptic world. There are bigger issues here, Princess.”

“I’m not a princess,” Louis says under his breath as they pick up their pace again. “I’m a fucking queen. King. Either or.”

Zayn and Perrie both laugh, shaking their heads. “Let's find someplace we can stay,” Perrie says. “Some kind of building or something.”

“We should head to the main road, no?”

“It's open, but we’ll encounter less walkers,” she rations. “And we won't get lost.”

“We're already lost. We've been lost since everything went to shit.” Louis points out.

Nobody says anything else, not even as they make it to the main road and continue down. Everything is quiet again, and this time, Louis decides he likes it.

 

_ HARRY _ **_._ **

 

“That's not how this works,” Niall complains, slouching. “You're not playing fairly.” 

Harry fires off another shot, taking down the can Niall was supposed to. “You just suck.” he argues.

“Hey, children,” Liam calls. “Play time’s over.”

“Yes daddy.” Niall says jokingly, barely making it through the two words without bursting out laughing.

“Where's Nick?” Harry asks, looking pointedly at Liam.

“Went ahead with your sister. Didn't wanna wait for you losers. Let's go.”

“Where are we planning on going, exactly?” Niall asks.

“Maybe we can be like Katniss Everdeen and climb up in the trees. We can become tree people.” Harry suggests.

“I fucking hate America. This wouldn't have happened if we were in England,” Liam mutters.

“It's worldwide, Li. Doesn't matter if we're here or home.”

Liam huffs in reply. They continue down the road, Niall kicking at almost every single thing they come across in the road and making too much noise. Neither Harry or Liam try to stop him. Whatever problems come their way, they can solve it. They’ll get through it.

They walk in silence for another several minutes, until Nick and Gemma come into sight down the road. Liam whistles to catch their attention without shouting across the empty road, thankfully it’s enough to get Nick to turn around. He and Gemma both stop and wait for Niall, Liam and Harry to catch up.

“You okay?” Harry asks his sister immediately, putting two hands on her shoulders and making her hold eye contact.

“I was gone for five minutes, Harry.” Gemma says, shrugging him off and beginning to walk ahead again.

“Gemma,” Harry sighs, hurrying to catch up with her. “Please don’t do this.”

“Do  _ what  _ Harry? Stop hovering over me. It’s not like you’re gonna fucking do anything to help me anyways!” she says angrily, still walking at a furious pace down the road. “Ever since we found out what happened and you  _ knew  _ mum and dad didn't make it back home you've been  _ weak  _ and you know it. We’re going to have to do bad things, Harry, you're gonna have to get used to it. But I do not plan on dying out here, and I can only rely on myself to make sure that doesn't happen.”

“You can rely on me—”

“Bullshit, Harry. You won't be able to help me if it comes down to it.”

“That's why we travel in a group, Gem,” Nick tries. The moderator, the referee. He's always like that with Harry and Gemma, whenever they argue, no matter how petty it may be. Nick appears as their voice of reason, the Angel on their shoulders. “You don't have to rely on yourself or one person, you rely on a group.”

“I can hold my own,” Harry tells her. “I know you don't think I can, but you're wrong. I’m a good shot. I can make it.”

“You’d freeze. You know it. You wouldn't be able to kill one of those–those  _ things  _ and you fucking know it!”

“You're wrong.” Harry says softly, shaking his head.

“I fucking hope so.” Gemma mutters, stomping off ahead.

Harry goes to follow, but Nick grabs his arm and holds him back. “She doesn't have to be such a bitch about it,” Harry pouts, staring down at the ground as they walk. “Thanks for trying to moderate, Grimmy.”

Nick hums. “The shouting probably attracted walkers. We should be careful.”

“Nialler wouldn't know careful if it bit him in the ass,” Harry laughs. “I dunno how that kid’s gonna make it.”

“The same way you are, the same way I am and Gemma is. And Liam, too. We’re all gonna make it.”

Harry isn't  _ quite  _ sure how this is true. He can't really see it, can't see himself thriving in this version of the world. There's danger lurking around every corner, and you can't even trust people. He's lucky he was traveling with people he knows, otherwise Harry wouldn't have even made it this long. He's not made for this environment, this isn't who he is.

“Gemma’s right, you know?” Nick says.

“I’m weak and unreliable?”

“No, I don't think you're that at all. I mean she's right about the having to do things we don't like part. We're gonna have to do bad things.”

“We've already done bad things.”

“But we’ll have to do worse, have to do more. If we want to make it out alive, we’re going to have to do whatever we have to in order to ensure our safety.”

“I don’t like it.” Harry admits, shaking his head.

Sure, he can fire a gun. Harry’s a damn good shot, if the little game he just played with Niall is any proof of that. He just freezes under the pressure, like Gemma so sensitively pointed out. “You’re gonna have to adapt, H. Improvise, adapt and overcome.”

Harry doesn’t say it aloud, but he’s not very keen on that idea.


	2. The World's Still Spinning 'Round

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> title from Oasis' "Champagne Supernova"

_ LOUIS _ **_._ **

 

“Ready?” Perrie asks, hand positioned over the door handle. They’ve come across what appears to be an abandoned warehouse of some sort and decide it seems like a good place to settle in for the night, maybe even longer if all goes well. The surrounding area is clear of people and walkers, now they just have to check inside. 

Zayn and Louis both nod. Perrie pushes the door open and they’re all ready, for whatever may come at them. But it’s silent. After they’re positive that the place is empty, the three reconvene in the center of the room. “Do we stay?” Zayn asks, looking over his shoulder.

“I think so,” Louis nods. “I’m sure there’s shit around here we can take and use for ourselves. It looks like somebody was here, but they’re gone now.”

“What if they come back?” Perrie scrunches her nose. “We’ve survived fucking  _ zombies  _ and I don’t want to get taken out by a scared group of people.”

“They won’t.” Louis says. They could, but he’ll take the optimistic side. The people who left all this stuff here won’t come back.

They separate again, breaking off to see what they can find. Louis heads around one of the giant pillars to where a bunch of flat boards are propped up. Someone must have been staying behind them, hiding out. It’s a pretty good idea, except you can’t see anyone coming unless you stand up, which could prove to be risky. 

Louis bends down over the blankets sprawling the floor and starts digging under them, seeing if anyone hid anything underneath. He finds an empty bag of potato chips and an empty box of ammo. When he stands up, Louis takes the blanket with him back to the center of the room. “Nothing over there,” he announces. “We could use those boards for something, though. Especially if we decide this is a good place to stay long term.” he informs.

Perrie meets him with two boxes of ammo and a few half-empty water bottles. Zayn tries to convince Louis that the bottles are half  _ full,  _ because that’s how they should try to look at things, but Louis continues considering the bottles half empty. He doesn’t always have the positivity Zayn does. “So all they had in here was ammo and some blankets, huh?” Zayn sighs.

“They must’ve taken the rest with them, maybe they didn’t get out of here in as much of a rush as we thought they did.” Perrie replies.

“Maybe that’s a good thing. They left because they wanted to.”

Louis turns around and starts wandering again, this time to the other side. He opens the drawers in an old wooden cabinet, digging through the contents. A few colouring books, a broken pencil, random papers. Louis starts pulling the papers out and piling them up on top of the cabinet to save for later, knowing that they will probably come in handy when they decide to start a fire. Louis almost drops a paper into the pile, but something on it catches his eye. Much to his surprise, Louis unfolds the paper and discovers a map of the state they’re in – Georgia. There’s a giant X on one spot, someone’s all caps handwriting scrawled  _ you are here.  _ Louis quirks an eyebrow. This is almost too good to be true.

“Hey, guys,” he calls, taking the map and other papers back to the center of the room. “Look what I found.”

Zayn quirks an eyebrow as Louis drops the pile of paper on the ground. “Paper.” he deadpans.

“It’ll help start a fire,” Perrie fills in.

“Thank you, someone understands me,” Louis exhales. “But that’s not the big thing. I found this,” he holds up the map like he’s just found the eighth wonder of the world. “Got a big X over where we are apparently located. Other’s must’ve left it behind.”

“Or they’re bullshitting us and that’s not where we are.”

“Once we get around more we can get a better feel for where we are. All those signs we were seeing along the road seemed like we were gonna be leading into a town.” Louis defends. “We still have a few hours of daylight left, I think we should go. Get resources.”

“We're safe now, I think we should just settle in.” Zayn argues. “No need to risk whatever we’re walking into. Let's wait until early tomorrow, and then we can take all the time we need.”

“I really think it wouldn't hurt to go now.”

“It could really hurt to go now, Louis. We’re safe now. We’ll see what we've got to eat and start a fire. We don't know what we're walking into in that town. It'll be dark before we know it. Let's just stay.”

“Zayn’s right, Louis,” Perrie says softly. “We should just hunker down and wait out the night. Then we can go tomorrow before the sun even comes up and see what we find.”

Louis huffs, reluctant to give in.

“I know you're upset because it's not your way,” Perrie says, sticking her bottom lip out, seemingly mocking Louis. “Pouty baby can go collect firewood for us.”

“Shut the hell up,” Louis snaps. “I’ll get your firewood. If I see an animal I’m killing it.”

“You shouldn't use the gun,” Zayn tells him. “You’ll draw them all here.”

“You gonna give me your crossbow?” Louis asks, and Zayn gives him a wary look. “That's what I thought. I've got the silencer, had the silencer since we picked this thing up. If anything comes to it, we can handle it.”

“And if we die tonight, I know who I’m blaming.”

Louis rolls his eyes, taking his knife and shotgun with him as he heads outside, pulling the door shut behind him. He doesn't go far, just collects what he can find from the surrounding ten feet and hopes it'll be enough. No animals, which means no decent meat, but also means the gun didn't have to be fired, which will probably make Zayn’s day.

He takes what he found back in, determined to make it all in one trip. “Is there anything in here we can put in front of the door?” he asks, placing the wood down by Perrie’s feet.

“That cabinet,” she points. “If you guys do that I’ll make some kinda pit for the fire.”

“You'll build the fire too?” Zayn quirks an eyebrow.

“I will build the fire,” Perrie confirms. “Don’t worry about the fire.”

“Alright, Malik. Let’s move this cabinet.”

It’s light since there’s nothing inside it, making it easy for Zayn and Louis to push it in front of the door. Perrie has used stray bricks from the corner of the building to contain the fire that she’s trying desperately to light.

“Need some help, Pez?” Louis offers, digging his very last and very sacred pack of cigarettes out of his pocket where he’s been keeping his very last and very sacred lighter. There’s only a few cigarettes left, but the lighter is almost full with fluid.

She reaches up and snatches the lighter from him, scowling. “You could’ve told me you had this.”

“If I make it public, then Zayn will want it,” Louis whispers. “And Zayn can’t have it because then I can’t have it.”

Perrie laughs, shaking her head. The flame consumes the paper as Perrie hands Louis the lighter back, which he promptly stuffs in his pocket.

After the sun has gone down, the trio are sitting around the fire on piles of blankets eating from the stash of granola bars they found at the last house and having a conversation as if nothing is wrong. “You can’t actually think that  _ Definitely, Maybe  _ was better than  _ Morning Glory.”  _ Louis argues, shaking his head.

“There’s no way.  _ Definitely, Maybe  _ was a masterpiece. It’s so much better.” Zayn argues right back.

“You have poor taste in music, my friend.” Louis says, tossing his wrapper at Zayn.

“Let's chalk it up to be opinion and move on with the discussion, shall we?” Perrie suggests. “Who's taking first watch?”

“I will,” Louis volunteers, standing up. “I’ll wake one of you up.”

“Thanks, Tommo.” Zayn yawns, already settling back into the blankets. 

 

_ HARRY _ **_._ **

 

“You know that there's going to be a way out of this, right?” Liam asks, looking over at Harry. “We’re gonna be okay.” 

“Maybe we will, maybe we won't. I just wish we had some alcohol.” Harry sighs, pulling his knees to his chest.

“We are gonna be okay,” Liam says again. “There's somebody somewhere who knows how to stop this.”

“And we're just supposed to barely get by in the middle of the woods in Georgia?”

“We could keep moving. We were on our way to Florida, we could keep going,” Liam says, a hint of hope in his voice that Harry  _ wishes  _ he has. “Or we can go north. DC, maybe? There's people there who know what they're doing, I bet.”

“What do you think we should do?” Harry asks, playing with the lace of his converse sneaker.

Liam sighs. “I think we go north. But not to New York City, that got overrun ages ago. There's no way there's anything left there. I think we go through the carolinas, Virginia, to DC. Maybe we find stuff, maybe we don't.”

“Okay, so we keep moving. We could try to pick up a car, cut the time.”

“We're already well outside of Atlanta, cities became farms miles ago. We’re almost to South Carolina, probably. At the border we’ll probably find something. Maybe even more people.”

Harry nods. “Alright.” 

“The important thing is that we stick together and make sure that the five of us are on the same page. We can't have conflict.”

“Gemma’s always going to disagree with me,” Harry snorts. “She thinks I don't know what we’re doing, that I can't handle this. She thinks I’ll be totally dependent on her and you guys.”

Liam doesn't say anything for a moment, and Harry thinks maybe they've exhausted the conversation and Liam just doesn't want to give an answer. Then he says, “so you’ve got to prove her wrong.”

Harry nods slowly, contemplating the idea. Gemma’s mind is a tough one to change, Harry knows this  _ very  _ well, so he’ll have to do a lot of proving. He can do this. He can survive –thrive – in this world they’ve been thrown into. Even though he isn’t really sure  _ world  _ is what he wants to call this place. Harry wants to remember the world as the place before, where you could go to concerts and zoos and become anything you wanted to become. This place isn’t somewhere that stuff can happen. It’s dark and there’s danger around every corner and everybody’s out to kill because there’s no  _ laws  _ or  _ government,  _ it’s every man for himself and Harry doesn’t like it.

“We can’t lose who we are,” he says finally. “We can’t lose who we were before this happened. Everybody else has already lost it. They’re defaced, demoralized and completely blown away from who they used to be.”

“Maybe that’s how it has to be if you want to survive.”

“Killing when you don’t have to kill isn’t right. There’s people doing that. If it’s a walker, sure, kill it. But if we come across a group of people, I don’t want to kill anyone unless we have to.”

“Unless we have to. I think we’re all on the same page with that, Haz. None of us want to intentionally hurt anyone unless we have a reason to. If they’re a threat, if they don’t cooperate, that’s when we take the necessary steps.” Liam reassures, putting a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Go get some sleep, H. I’ll watch.”

“I can do it.”

“Trust me. Go sleep.”

Harry doesn’t really sleep, because that’s something that rarely ever comes. Even with Liam promising to keep watch, they’re out in the open, the woods are fucking massive, and anything can happen. Everyone always sleeps with one eye open, because that’s a chance they can’t take. If they find somewhere to settle down, maybe then sleep will be a regular thing. With somewhere secure to settle down you get resources, safety, slight comfort. Harry envisions somewhere like this, where they can thrive in this version of the world. They’re all safe and sleep every night knowing that.

It doesn’t take long for him to remember that they’re actually not safe, they’re very much exposed. This comes to light again for Harry when he hears Liam whispering at everybody to get up. “No walkers, just people. I can hear them, maybe fifty yards to the left of us. We should move, because they’re moving too.”

“Where do we move to?” Niall asks, running a hand through his hair.

“I don’t know,” Liam admits. “But if we want to avoid conflict, we move.”

“Stay quiet and stay low,” Gemma murmurs, already on her feet with her gun out. Harry admires her ability to act in situations like this. “You hear me, Harry?”

Harry nods, exhaling a breath before pulling his own gun. Why not prove his worth now? Now’s as good a time as any, Harry figures, if anything happens, he'll make a move.

They move ahead silently, hearing the voices slowly get quieter and quieter. No one in the group realizes that this means they're being pushed to the main road again, until they're on it. “Shit,” Grimmy mutters, looking around.

“That car,” Harry points a little further down the road to a white delivery van. “Maybe the keys are in it. I'm sure there's still gas. We could camp out in there tonight and keep moving tomorrow.”

Gemma studies Harry carefully, nodding. “Fine. Go see if there's any walkers inside. Look for the keys.”

A chance to prove himself, Harry realizes. He starts heading for the truck, and Niall comes up at his side. Gemma calls Niall’s name before they can get halfway there. “Let him do it on his own,” she says. “He can do it. Let him.”

Harry peers into the cab of the van first, not seeing anything alarming, no undead inside. Harry exhales deeply before he opens the back door of the van. A walker stumbles out, making Harry jump back. He almost fumbles the knife before driving it through the creature’s temple, determined to make sure Gemma doesn’t see his shaking. 

He checks the back of the van, extremely pleased to see it’s clear. “It’s fine. Hope you’re all fuckin’ happy,” he mutters, climbing into the driver’s seat to dig around and see what he can find. When Harry flips down the visor, a set of keys falls into his lap and holy  _ shit  _ are they lucky. “No fucking way.”

“What’d you find?” Niall asks, leaning against the door. “Keys? No way!”

“We should probably wait for daytime to try to start it up,” Harry says. “Looks like there's gas in the tank, it'll get us a short distance, probably.”

“Great. Let's get in here and close it up,” Nick says, sticking his head up between the two seats. “Thanks for clearing it out, Styles.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Be quiet when you close the door,” Gemma warns.

“Lemme get in,” Niall blurts, already climbing into the car, over Harry’s lap.

“Jesus Christ, Nialler,” Harry mutters, unable to move out of Niall’s way. Niall plops down in the passenger seat before turning and climbing into the back of the van.

Harry closes his door as softly as possible and presses the lock button before climbing back as well. He sits against the passenger seat, directly across from Gemma, who's leaning near the door. “You did okay,” she says suddenly. “With the clearing of the van.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

The van falls silent, Harry thinks Nick and Liam might even be asleep. It's so quiet until suddenly the handle on the doors is being pulled at, making all five people in the back of the van jolt upright. “Shh,” Liam warns.

They can hear the voices on the outside of the van, only two people speaking. Then the door swings open, and there’s guns pointed everywhere. Harry studies the two people standing there - two young women. “Who are you?” Liam demands.

“Who are  _ you?”  _ the dark haired girl fires back.

“Drop your weapons.” Gemma says sternly, slowly climbing out of the van. “Now, put them down.”

“Gem,” Harry whispers, crawling out after her. “Calm down.”

“I’m not calming down until they put their guns down.”

“Okay, okay,” the blonde one says, slowly lowering her gun.

“Are you alone?” Harry asks them.

“We have one more. Another woman, but she’s hurt. We left her to come look for help, or a car, or something. We appear to have found both,” the blonde girl says. “We’re good people. Could you help us, please?”

“What’re your names?”

“I’m Jesy, this is Taylor, and the girl we left is Leigh-Anne. We promised we’d be back soon.”

Harry flashes a glance at Liam, a pleading one. He wants to help these girls. “How injured is she?” Gemma asks before anyone else can.

“She hurt her knee earlier today, we were running from some walkers and she fell,” Taylor explains. “She’ll be okay, just needs time.”

“Can you take us to her?” Harry blurts. 

“ _ Harry,”  _ Gemma hisses, shaking her head. “We don’t know these people-” 

“At least a few of us could go, Gem.” Niall defends.

Harry turns to Liam. “You promised we wouldn’t lose who we were and become complete killers out here. You promised we wouldn’t become dehumanized, demoralized.” He turns next to Gemma, “no matter how big and mean you want to be, and how big and how mean you think everyone else is, we can’t become inhuman. Helping Jesy and Taylor will be that one, small, human thing.”

“Go. You and Liam.” Gemma says softly. “Don’t sacrifice yourself for them. Don’t go out of your way, you hear me?”

“I can handle myself. Don’t worry about it.” Harry says. “How far is it?”

“Just up the road. There was this old Toyota sitting on the side of the road. No gas, but it’s shelter.”

The four keep a speedy pace up to the dirty red toyota parked, where there’s a single walker banging on the window. “Shit,” Taylor curses. “I’ll get it.”

“With your–” Liam begins, but she cuts him off.

“Knife. I know. Trust me.”

Liam, Jesy and Harry watch as the zombie hits the ground and Taylor opens the door, helping Leigh-Anne out. They continue walking towards the car, Leigh-Anne watching them intently. “Who are you?” she asks once they're close.

“I’m Harry, and that's Liam.”

Leigh-Anne nods slowly, eyes flitting between Liam and Harry quickly. “I’m Leigh-Anne. Where’d you find these people?”

“Just up the road. It’s a group of them, Leigh,” Jesy says. “Seems like a really strong group.”

“You said you guys had people you were with before,” Leigh-Anne says, eyebrows furrowed.

“We don’t… We did, yeah. I know.” Taylor stutters, turning to look at Harry and Liam. “We were with other people, there was six of us.”

“What happened to the others?”

“We got separated from three of them, and the other…” her sentence trails off until Jesy speaks up again.

“He turned,” she says softly. “A few weeks ago. We got pushed out of where we were staying by a whole bunch of them, and he got caught up in it. Taylor dragged me one way, the other three went another way. Haven’t seen them since.”

“We’ll help. We’re stronger in groups. We’re gonna start up the van tomorrow morning, see where the car takes us. You should come with us.” Liam says, and Harry’s eyes go wide. Gemma is going to flip shit, probably. Seems extremely likely.

“Do you know where you’re headed?” Leigh-Anne asks.

“We’re thinking DC,” Liam replies. “Not New York City, that’s probably been overrun for ages. If we find something along the way, we’ll stay. At the beginning they said there was safe places in DC, that seems like a decent option now.”

“What about the others?” Taylor asks.

“They’re smart,” Jesy says slowly. “They might think to head to DC, too. We’ll find them along the way.”

So, Leigh-Anne loops an arm around both Jesy and Taylor, and they head back towards the van, Harry and Liam following behind.

“Gemma isn’t gonna want this,” Harry tells Liam.

“Gemma is gonna have to get over it. She’s not the sole leader of this group. I know she thinks that everyone is bad and we can only trust each other, if that, she probably barely trusts us. But if she keeps thinking like that she’s gonna get herself killed. I’ll talk to her. Don’t worry,” Liam reassures. “Don’t you worry about it.”


	3. I Wanted Water (But I'll Walk Through Fire)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> title from John Mayer's "Vultures"

_ LOUIS. _

 

“Mother _ fuck,”  _ Louis curses, putting his knife through the walker's’ skull. “How do they get in places like this, I don’t understand. This is a closet. It’s in a closet, Zayn.” 

“Maybe it died in there. or somebody put it in there, maybe. Who knows?” Zayn says from the other side of the room. “Holy shit, we just hit the jackpot.”

“What’d you find?” Louis asks. “There’s not even any clothes in here.”

“I found clothes. So, so many clothes. Clothes for a male human being. And not ugly ones!”

“Will they fit us? Get out of this shitty old stuff?” he turns around and stands by Zayn at the dresser.

“I think so,” Zayn says lowly, pulling a pair of black skinny jeans from the drawer. “Looks like it may have belonged to somebody a little younger than us. Judging by the  _ skinniness  _ of these fucking jeans and the posters around the room.”

“Gimme,” Louis sings, taking the jeans from Zayn’s hands. He unbuttons his old, dirty and ripped jeans right there and pulling the new ones on. “They fit perfectly. Are we in some version of my house?”

“This is America, not some parallel universe,” Zayn scoffs, looking down at Louis in the jeans. “Your thighs look good. Fit you well.”

Louis snorts. “Gee, thanks. That’s nice of you to say.”

“What are the odds the shower works?”

“Slim to none. I will be floored if there's any water running through any of these pipes.” Louis admits, beginning to shuffle through the clothes remaining.

He picks out a tee shirt and a flannel shirt, throwing one on over the other. “Next room,” he declares.

They walk slow down the hall, passing Perrie in what was clearly the room of a teenage girl. Louis and Zayn come upon some kind of master bedroom, with an attached bathroom that makes Louis extremely jealous. He had one bathroom to share amongst all of his siblings. For a long time, not being able to get into the bathroom at the time he wanted or needed to was his definition of a nightmare, of hell. Louis no longer thinks of that bathroom crisis as hell now. In fact, he might miss it, just a bit.

“Do you think they’ve got condoms in these drawers? They have to have been fucking.” Zayn asks, opening the nightstand drawers and shuffling around.

“Maybe it wasn’t a heterosexual couple living here. Maybe it was two girls, or even two guys who finally got rid of the condoms. Or maybe the couple is fighting-” Louis cuts himself off when Zayn holds up a condom. “Fine.”

Louis shakes his head as he watches Zayn shove a few in the pocket of his borrowed jeans. “Don't look at me like that,” Zayn mumbles, walking past Louis into the bathroom. Louis can hear the squeak of Zayn attempting to turn the shower on, but doesn't hear the rush of water following it. Surprising.

He digs through a drawer, hoping to find something useful. He finds nothing. Louis goes to relay this to Zayn, but stops everything when he hears a crash from the kitchen. It sounds like a plate hitting the ground and shattering. Zayn is out of the bathroom immediately, running out before Louis is even out the bedroom door.

When he gets down there, Zayn is standing with a holstered gun, staring into the kitchen. Perrie is standing with a young, scared looking girl, looking at her hand. “What is it?” Louis asks, trying to collect himself.

“Pez told me to stand back. So I’m standing back.”

Louis studies the scene, Perrie hunched over this dark haired girl’s hand, a broken plate on the floor. Could she have been living here? “What's your name?” he asks calmly, taking a step closer to her.

“Jade,” the girl replies softly. “What's  _ your  _ name?”

“That's Louis,” Perrie replies. “He's a bit of an asshole when you first meet him, but once you get to know him, he's just a softie. And the other guy is Zayn. He's tough, but he cares. A lot. I’m Perrie, I told you.”

“She's the brains of our operation,” Zayn chimes in, smiling a bit. “Were you… Are you living here?”

Jade nods, taking a step back from Perrie. She stares down at her hands, where there's a cut on one of them. “I was visiting my cousins for the summer. Then this happened.”

“Are you alone?”

She shakes her head. “I have a friend, he went out. He’ll be back.”

“There was a walker in a bedroom closet upstairs. Did you know that?” Louis asks.

“Did you kill him?”

“I opened the closet and it was there. Why did you have it locked in there?”

“Olly locked it in. It was his little brother,” she whispers. “He couldn't kill it, and neither could I.”

Louis and Zayn both nod slowly. So she probably meant no harm. “When is Olly coming back?” Perrie asks. “And where’d he go?”

“There's a pharmacy, just up the road from here. He went to see what was there.”

“How long have you been here for?”

“At the start of this thing, Olly’s family wanted to go to Florida. They have a house down there. Olly didn’t want to go, and neither did I. We thought about at least getting out of town, but this apartment building is the safest place we could be.”

“Is there anyone else still living in this building?”

“We haven’t seen anyone, but we can hear them. This floor is clear of zombies, and we haven’t had any problems for a few weeks now. Can I, um, get you guys anything? We have water.”

“You do?” Zayn asks excitedly. “Bottled water?”

Yeah, it’s been awhile since they’ve had the luxury of bottled water. Jade hands them each a bottle of water. Louis wants to gulp it all down, but does the smart thing and takes smaller sips in an attempt to conserve what he can.

Louis busies himself by looking around the apartment, pictures on the wall and the TV remote collecting dust on the coffee table. He wonders what his home looks like, if people have been staying there, if maybe his family is still alive and living in it. There were pictures everywhere, sitting on every surface and hanging on the walls as well. Louis’ eyes land on a picture of an extremely happy looking family, one that looks similar to his own.

Louis puts the picture face down and heads back to the kitchen. “Hey,” Zayn says, looking over at Louis. “What do you think of this place?”

“I, uh, I don’t really know. I wanna see what this Olly guy is all about,” Louis replies quietly. “I dunno if we should stay here.”

“Well you wanna keep exploring the city, right?” Zayn asks.

Louis nods, rubbing his chin. “Yeah, I do.”

When Olly shows up, he’s immediately confrontational. Louis’ first instinct is to be the same way, but Zayn keeps him under control as Jade explains the situation. Olly calms down immediately, allowing for proper introductions. Louis, Zayn and Perrie apologize for bursting into their apartment like this.

Louis waits for Jade to bring up the walker in the closet, but she doesn’t. Ten minutes later, they’re all sat down on the couches - another thing the trio haven’t seen in ages.

“So where are you from?” Olly asks, pointing at Perrie.

“South Shields. I’m attending uni over here. My, uh, my best friends were too.”

“You lost them?” Jade asks.

“We don’t know if they’re dead,” Zayn jumps in. “We got separated, but they could still be alive. They’re strong.”

Olly nods, staring intently at Zayn. “What about you? I’d guess somewhere in Yorkshire, yeah?”

“Bradford, yup,” Zayn smiles, nodding. “We were attending NYU, and decided to take a little break and road trip down the east coast.”

“How’d you two meet originally?”

“He's from Doncaster. We met at Leeds festival, actually. A few years back. Been friends ever since.” Zayn says, answering for Louis since he's clearly unwilling to give up much information.

He's not comfortable with this whole situation, he's extremely wary. Louis doesn’t know anything about these people, or if they’re lying and there’s more to their group than just Jade and Olly. He doesn’t know. Louis thinks his mother would tell him to be more trusting, but Louis can’t afford to do that. 

“What’s your plan?” Jade asks, watching Louis stand and go to the window.

“We want to keep exploring around here,” Perrie answers. “See if there’s anything we can find. We’re looking for people, too. We got separated.”

“How do you know they’re still alive?”  Olly presses.

Louis finally speaks up, “They're alive. They're both strong, smart. They'll make it.”

The fact that they  _ have _ to make it remains unspoken.

 

_ HARRY _ **_._ **

 

Harry doesn't like competition. Especially competition with his sister. Gemma has always been competitive, and Harry has never liked it. That competitive drive hasn't changed despite everything else that has. Harry hates Gemma for it. 

“I can’t believe you took them back,” Gemma mutters, tilting her head back. “And I can’t believe Niall got shotgun.”

“Niall gets whatever Niall wants. And there’s bigger problems than the front seat, Gem.” Harry replies. He looks over at Nick, who’s been deep in conversation with Jesy and Taylor since they started driving the car.

“Still like him?” Gemma asks. “If you don’t do something, I think I will. Got to keep the competition going here, don’t we?”

“I never did like him, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Gemma snorts. “Yeah, and I never had a thing with Lucas. Mum never caught you making out with that guy, you know who I’m talking about, I can’t remember his name, when you were sixteen.”

Harry lets out a laugh. “Dean, that was his name. And I don’t… you know, Grimmy.”

“You don’t have very many options out here, H. And I’m telling you, if you don’t get him, I will make that man straight again.”

Harry’s mouth falls open, and he shakes his head. “Gemma, stop being ridiculous,” he mumbles, hitting her arm. “Seriously, shut up.”

“Oi, Haz! Jesy and Leigh-Anne live like two hours south of you!” Nick says suddenly.

Okay? What does that have to do with anything that’s going on right now? Harry doesn’t really care where Jesy and Leigh are from, it doesn’t make a difference anymore because nothing is the same anymore. There is no Cheshire, no Los Angeles or Miami or Chicago. It’s all gone, it doesn’t matter where you were from originally because everybody’s here now, they’re all here in this destroyed version of what they once knew.

Harry hums in reply to Nick, nodding. Like he said, there’s nothing left. Everything that they knew is gone.

“Oh shit,” Liam mutters from the driver’s seat. The car jerks to a stop, causing Liam to curse again. “I guess that’s all we’re gonna get out of it.”

“Out of gas already?” Taylor asks, leaning between the two seats.

“Yup,” Niall sings. “Time to walk. I saw a sign a while back, said we were like two miles outside of whatever town or city. I don’t remember it’s name,” he says, opening his door. Liam opens the back door and helps Leigh-Anne and Jesy out.

Harry watches him try to help Gemma, who turns down his hand immediately. “What do you think the city’s called?” he hears Niall say.

“It doesn’t matter,” Harry replies. “It’s not what it used to be.”

Nobody says anything in reply, and Harry knows that probably means everyone agrees. They begin walking, bags slung over shoulders and feet shuffling across the pavement. They don’t say anything while they walk. Everybody is absolutely silent, which Harry isn’t really complaining about. He knows if they spoke, Harry and Gemma would end up bickering, Niall would say something so utterly stupid everyone would make fun of him for the duration of the walk.

That’s how things were when it was just the five of them. Now that Leigh-Anne, Taylor and Jesy are here, Harry can feel that the mood has shifted slightly. Before they found some kind of comfort and sanity, they were able to joke and have as much fun as circumstances (or Gemma) would allow. But now it’s tense, everyone is quiet and careful. There aren’t any jokes being made, nobody’s teasing anybody else about saying something stupid.

Now that he thinks about it, Harry doesn’t like that. 

“Where’d you say you were from in England?” He says finally, looking over at the three newcomers.

“I’m from High Wycombe,” Leigh-Anne says.

“And I’m from Romford,” Jesy says. “Nick said they were a few hours away from Cheshire?”

Harry nods, slowing down a bit to walk alongside the girls. “Yeah. I’m from Holmes Chapel, in Cheshire. Cute little town,” he smiles fondly at the memory of his hometown. It’s probably not much of anything by now, but Harry chooses to keep that thought to himself. “Where are you from, Taylor? Not England, I’m assuming.”

Taylor lets out a laugh. “You’re be correct in assuming that. I’m from Pennsylvania, actually.”

“How’d you meet Jesy?”

“She was travelling with a few other people, and I was travelling with a few other people. We crossed paths and decided to stick together.”

“How many people were you with?”

“I was with three other people. Jesy was with her fiancé. Then we found Leigh sticking it out by herself. Pretty sure she could’ve taken us all out, though.”

“I totally could have,” Leigh-Anne says. “You know it, I know it.”

“Oh, fuck,” Nick says suddenly. That’s not good. Harry knows that an  _ oh fuck  _ is never good. Why would that ever be good?

Harry looks up ahead of them, extremely displeased to see an entire herd of walkers heading straight for them. “What do we do?” Gemma asks. It’s bad, really, it is, that when Gemma is clueless, Harry feels the slightest victory. She finally doesn’t know what to do.

“If we walk off they’ll probably follow us,” Liam states the obvious. “So we fight them off.”

“Hand to hand,” Nick adds. “A gunshot will draw even more of them.”

“Leigh, you stay back. You’re hurt, I don’t-” Taylor starts to say, but Leigh-Anne cuts her off, “I can do it. I can go.”

“She’ll be fine. She can do it,” Jesy agrees. “Looks like we’ll need everyone we can get.”

They continue forward, knives drawn this time. Niall is the one who takes the first hit at one. It escalates from there. It becomes hectic and Harry knows that when it gets like this, he has to look out for himself. He has to make sure that he gets out alive, while keeping a side eye on the rest of his group. He has to be alert, completely focused.

It's over before they know it. “Everybody alright?” Niall calls out.

“Fine!” Harry yells back. He looks around at the aftermath. They're standing amongst at least two dozen walkers. He can't believe that the eight of them managed to do this.

Then again, maybe he can believe it. Desperate times call for desperate measures, don't they? “Let's keep moving,” Taylor says. “There's probably more where this came from.”

“I wonder if the others came down here,” Jesy says, kicking at a pebble as she walks by. “Where do you think they’re headed?”

“How do you know they’re still alive?” Harry asks.

“They are,” Taylor replies confidently. “Without a doubt. All three of them.”

“Jake probably would've made it, too,” Jesy says softly.

“Tell me about them.” Harry says.

“You really don't want—”

“I do want. Especially if we end up running into them, I want to know.” He insists. Harry genuinely wants to know, he wants to get to know Jesy and Taylor better and be able to contribute to the faith they have of their friends being alive.

“Jake was my fiancé,” Jesy says. “He was my everything.”

“I was with two other guys, Zayn and Louis. And my best friend Perrie. We were all at NYU together.”

“What were they like?”

“Louis is smart. He's the reason we got as far as we did, I think,” Taylor begins, rubbing the back of her neck. “He and Zayn work really well together. They've got this dynamic that's absolutely perfect for extreme situations, they know each other so well. They'll make it, Louis will make sure of it.”

“If Louis is all you're cracking him up to be, I'm sure they will.” Harry assures, looking ahead. Nick is already looking at him, which makes Harry frown. “What’re you looking at?”

Nick shrugs. “Could ask you the same question.”

Harry rolls his eyes. They keep walking as the sun moves lower in the sky. Trees slowly start turning to buildings, and more deserted cars are gathered on the road. The group stop occasionally to salvage what they can from the cars, but stop doing that once they reach the heart of the town.

“Split up?” Gemma suggests. “Two and two. Meet back here when the sun dips. Fire a gunshot if you need help. Try not to yell unless you have to.”

Harry finds himself going off with Grimmy, which, alright. They head down one of the streets, with a bunch of stores on the left and a little park on the right.

“Let's go in here,” Harry says, nodding at a pharmacy. “See if there's anything left.”

“How long ago do you think this place got overrun?” Nick asks.

“Long time ago, judging by the condition of it,” Harry is surprised to see the door open perfectly fine. “Alrighty.”

The pharmacy has been ransacked for the most part, but this doesn't stop Harry and Nick from looking around. “Hey, H,” Nick says suddenly. Harry hums, turning around to see what he's found.

Harry isn't greeted by an object, he's greeted by lips on his and a body against him. Harry lets it happen for a moment, then pulls back. “You shouldn't have done that.” he says quietly, side stepping Nick to continue looking around. 

“Why, is there someone else?” Nick laughs at the thought. There  _ is  _ no one else, literally. “Why shouldn't I have done that, Harry?”

“Because this isn't the time for shit like that.”

“You're gonna pledge celibacy now?”

“I’m going to pledge to  _ live.  _ I’m not pledging not to kiss or have sex or anything, I'm just not focused on it. That's the last thing on my mind, should be the last thing on anyone’s mind.”

Nick nods slowly. “Alright. Fine, then. When you're over this trip then you know where to find me.”

Harry bends down and picks up a bottle of Advil off the ground. He can't believe someone left it behind. He continues towards the back of the store, where there's sure to be more stuff. Hopefully. Before he opens the door he hears the unmistakable snarling, giving Harry time to prepare himself. Harry drives his knife through the temple and sidesteps the walker to get by. Nick doesn't come check on him.

He starts digging around for pain meds or something as simple as a bandage. He finds a box of band aids and some gauze. Harry spares a thought for Leigh-Anne’s knee, thinking some sort of wrap could help greatly. He does, miraculously, manage to unearth one. Harry victoriously shoves his findings in his bag.

“D’you think the girls would appreciate tampons?” Harry calls out to Nick, staring at the few boxes left sitting on the shelf.

He doesn't get a reply, so Harry makes a judgement call and grabs what's left. He heads back out, greeted by a completely empty shop. Grimmy fucking left. Nick left him in here by himself.

Harry gets out as fast as possible, but hears more unmistakeable snarling. To his left, there's about a dozen walkers headed down the street. One is already close. 

“Shit,” Harry mutters, turning right and sprinting back. He looks for someone, anyone, but doesn't see any of them. Back where Gemma told them to meet up, Leigh-Anne and Niall are already standing there. “There's a whole herd of them. We have to find the others. Don't shoot anything.”

Niall’s first instinct is to whistle, high pitched and loud. They start moving, towards the herd of walkers because that's where everyone went. Gemma and Liam come out one of the buildings, just as shocked as Harry was when he came out of the pharmacy. They move slowly, over to the others. “Where's Taylor? And Jesy? Wasn't Grimmy with you?” Gemma asks, looking at Harry.

“I don't know where he went.”

“ _ What?  _ You don’t know where he went? How do you lose the person you were supposed to stay with?”

“He left me in the fucking pharmacy, Gemma! I came back out and he was gone!”

Gemma exhales a breath and looks towards the walkers nearing them. “Let’s move.”

They move slowly, away from the herd of walkers. It happens quickly, the way it spirals out of control. Just like up on the road, it becomes hectic quickly. They're surrounded by so many zombies Harry can hardly process it. He forgets about Nick and Taylor and Jesy and just focuses on getting out alive.

It's when the first gunshot goes off that everything starts to get out of hand.

Harry turns to his gun too, something he knows he's good at. He fires round after round, hitting each walker in the head every time. “We’re not gonna be able to do it!” he hears Liam shout. “We’ve gotta get out of here.”

He pulls himself up onto the hood of a truck parked on the side of the road for better vantage point, and sees Gemma do the same on another car further up the road.

Well, fuck.

The last shot reverberates through the street.

“Holy fucking  _ shit.”  _ Niall says. “Oh my god.”

Harry climbs off the car slowly, eyes scanning the scene frantically. “We have to get off the street,” he says. “Those gunshots will just draw more of them.”

Liam nods in agreement. They all look around, surveying each building before Niall points. “That one.”

There's not much time for argument. Harry notices now that Jesy, Taylor and Nick are back. He makes a note to avoid Nick as much as possible. What a dick. They head into the apartment building cautiously.

“We’re gonna go up,” Gemma tells Harry after they've cleared the lobby. “Are you gonna look around down here?”

Harry nods. “Yeah, if you don't mind.”

“Just be careful. Fire a gunshot or something if you need us.”

“I will.”

He starts looking around, beginning at the reception desk. He ventures into the office, which is totally trashed and turned upside down. Harry knows he won’t find anything good for protecting themselves, but he does find a map. He thinks that might be more helpful than anything else. Harry might regret that decision later on in a time of distress, but for now he’s happy with this map. He shoves it in his back pocket and continues looking around.

Harry opens another door to some kind of conference room, which is just as trashed as the office. He opens cabinets and drawers, finding absolutely nothing of use to him.

“Very helpful building this is,” he mumbles, opening a coat closet. Harry is surprised to find coats still on their hangers. “Oh, awesome.”

He digs through the pockets, finding a half empty pack of cigarettes, two sticks of gum, three pens, a small notepad, two phone chargers and a Chapstick. Harry takes all of it, shoving the contents in his bag. He also takes two nice sweatshirts and a windbreaker with the Seattle Seahawks logo on it. Harry’s a Packers fan, but he’ll take what he can get.

When he opens the door to go back into the office, Harry walks right into another person. He stumbles back, immediately reaching for his gun.

When he looks up, the other man has his gun up as well. “Who are you?” the man demands.

Harry’s finger inches towards the trigger. “Who are  _ you _ ?”

The man laughs. “Answer my question first.”

“Harry.” he blurts.

“Alright. That was easy. I’m Louis. Can we put the guns down now?”

Harry hesitates. He can't let his guard down. “Look, I’ll put mine away first. Alright? Look, I’m putting it down.” Louis says, holding one hand up and moving his gun to the waistband of his skinny jeans with the other. “Put yours down now too. I’m too pretty to be shot like this.”

He's cocky. Harry can't decide if he likes it or not. He puts his gun away. “What did you say your name was?” It sounded oddly familiar when he first heard it, but Harry might be going slightly insane at this point. Circumstances definitely allow for insanity.

“Louis. Louis Tomlinson.”

Louis. Louis. Louis. Harry mulls the name over and over, then it hits him. “Oh my god. I need you to come with me.”

Louis’ hand immediately reaches for his gun. “No, not like that,” Harry says quickly. “I think I know some people that know you. Jesy? And Taylor?”

“You're fucking kidding me,” Louis deadpans. “Are you bullshitting me?”

“I wouldn't bullshit something like this. They’re looking around the building somewhere. I can take you to them.”

“You’re- they’re with you?”

Harry nods. “They started travelling with us last night. Three girls, but you don’t know the third one, judging by what Jesy and Taylor have told me. Come on, I’ll take you.” 

He starts walking with Louis, trying to keep a good distance between them. He keeps his hand poised to grab his gun, and can see Louis doing the same thing. Neither one of them makes a move to actually grab it, which Harry is grateful for. He doesn’t want to shoot this guy. He really, really doesn’t.

“Gem!” He calls softly, sticking his head out of the stairwell. He sees Leigh-Anne standing outside one of the apartments looking in, presumably keeping guard. “Are Taylor and Jesy in there?”

Leigh nods. Harry motions for Louis to follow him. “Who’s that?” Leigh-Anne asks immediately upon seeing this stranger.  

“This is Louis.”

“Louis  _ Louis?  _ Their Louis?”

“They’re in there?” Louis asks, pushing past Harry to get into the room. “Taylor? Jes?”

Harry watches Taylor come rushing around the corner, drop everything she has in her hands and launch herself at Louis. He smiles, proud that he’s brought on this reunion. He also didn't think Louis would look like _this._ So... dreamy. Harry mentally slaps himself. “Louis!” Another voice is calling - a male voice. It echoes through the hallway as a dark haired man comes through the doors with a blonde girl close behind him.

Leigh-Anne reaches immediately for her gun, as do the man and woman. “He said Louis’ name,” Harry says softly. “He’s in there.”

“You know Louis?” The woman asks warily, standing a few feet away from Harry.

“He’s right there,” Harry says again, pointing into the room.

This does it for the woman, or maybe she just sees Jesy standing there. “Holy shit,” the dark man says, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re fuckin’ alive.”

“Of course we’re alive, asshole,” Taylor says. “We found these guys,” she motions around the room to the people who have gathered. “And we made it. That’s Leigh-Anne, we met her a little after we got split up.”

“And that’s Liam, he was the one who fought for us to stay. The blonde one’s Niall. Gemma, Nick,” Jesy continues, pointing at each person. “And that’s–”

“Harry,” Louis says, nodding. “He’s the one who brought me up here. Thank you.”

“What’s your name?” Gemma asks, staring pointedly at the three newcomers.

“I’m Perrie, that’s Zayn, and Louis.” She says quickly.

“We were travelling with Perrie and Taylor before our camp got over run,” Louis explains.

“Yeah, we gathered that much,” Nick mumbles, turning to continue looking through the room they’re in.

Louis’ eyebrows arch, he watches Nick walk away. “Don’t be bothered by him,” Harry says, trying to keep the conversation between just himself and Louis. “He’s not very trusting. Or happy.”

“And you are?”

Harry shrugs. “Only to you. And Zayn and Perrie, I guess. Because I knew you know Taylor and Jesy. If you were a random guy down in that conference room I probably would’ve killed you.”

Louis snorts. “Yeah, I’m sure you would have.”

“Desperate times call for desperate measures.”

“What is that, your catch phrase? Everything’s gone for shit and you turn to that?”

“It fits, doesn’t it?”

Louis doesn’t say anything. Harry continues, “it makes sense to me. This is a desperate time. And I plan on seeing things through until they're not as desperate. Therefore I will do desperate things.”

“Alright,  _ joli garçon _ .” Louis says under his breath, making Harry widen his eyes.

“What?”

“Nothing. I said okay. So, um, what now?”

“Where are you headed?” Gemma asks.

“We don't know. We found two people upstairs, they've been here since the beginning. But I don't wanna stay here,” Louis replies, stepping closer to Gemma. “I’d like to keep moving. This place will only be good for so long.”

“Are they interested in moving?”

“I don't think they are,” Zayn jumps in. “They’ll probably want to stay. That's alright though. Whatever.”

Gemma’s nodding, studying Zayn, Louis and Perrie carefully. Harry can tell that she’s debating her next move. To tell them about DC or not to tell them about DC. Harry hopes she tells them. “Where are you going?” Perrie asks, pushing her bag further up on her shoulder.

“DC,” Liam blurts. Gemma glares at him. Harry tries to suppress a grin. “Bigger numbers are always better. You guys should come with.”

“Ten people is a little much, don't you think?” Grimmy finally chimes in, Harry watches him stare at Louis.

“I don't think so,” Harry says cheerfully. “Liam’s right, we’ll be better off with more people. Especially if we encounter another big herd of them.”

“Agreed.” Niall nods. “Let's merge. And hit the road soon.”

“I think we should stay here overnight, actually,” Nick suggests. “Seems safe. We can keep salvaging for more stuff, too.”

Gemma nods, considering. “Alright, fine. We’ll stay here. We’re moving out first thing tomorrow.” 


	4. I'll Fly Before I Fail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from Alessia Cara's "River of Tears"

_ LOUIS _ **_._ **

 

Louis wants to go to DC. He’s wanted to go there ever since this started. Even though he doesn't know the condition of it, it seems a hell of a lot better than roughing it out here in the middle of Georgia. Louis wants to go to DC. 

“Yeah, so, DC.” he says in conclusion to his discussion with Jade and Olly, trying to convince them to come along.

“You said you're leaving in the morning, right?” Jade asks slowly. Louis nods. “I think we should talk about it, go over it. Weigh our options.”

“Yeah, of course. We’ll be one floor below you guys, that's where everybody else is. We should try to get on their good side,” Perrie laughs softly.

“Let us know if you need anything,” Olly says.

Zayn, Louis and Perrie promise to do so as they head out of the room. “What do you think of this group?” Zayn asks.

Louis shrugs. “I don't trust that Nick guy. Gemma seems like a strong leader. They seem like a strong group all around. Taylor and Jes trusted them, why shouldn't we?”

“What about Leigh-Anne?”

“She joined up with Taylor and Jesy and contributed to their being alive. She can stay,” Perrie says firmly. Louis knows that there’s no swaying her vote. “We’re all okay, that's all that matters.”

They come back to the room where the others were, to find them laying blankets out on the floor. “Where’d you find this stuff?” Zayn asks.

“In a closet in the bedroom. Pretty handy. Who wants first shift?” Liam says, already laying down.

He won't be taking first shift, then.

“I’ll take it,” Gemma volunteers. “You wanna stay up too?” she looks at Louis, who nods without hesitation.  _ Good impressions, Louis. Make good impressions. _

“Get some sleep,” he says to Zayn and Perrie. They immediately go off and find Taylor and Jesy.

Some time passes, Louis sitting in silence on the windowsill. He thinks of what this town used to be, the people who used to live in this apartment.

“I found a bag of chips,” someone whispers suddenly. “In the nightstand drawer, how odd is that?” it's Gemma. She sits on the windowsill across from Louis and extends the chip bag towards him. “It's not even expired.”

Louis takes a chip. “Thanks.”

“How did you know they were still alive?” she asks. “How come you didn't stop looking?”

“I don't know if we were necessarily  _ looking  _ for Jesy and Taylor. I think we all knew that they were strong enough to make it in these circumstances. We got separated. And we decided to continue moving forward. We hoped we’d find them along the way,” Louis says slowly. “We didn't stop everything to search around and look for them. We hoped and then it happened.”

“Some fate kind of shit, then?”

Louis scoffs. “I don't know about fate. Luck, maybe. Fate? I’m not sure.”

Gemma nods. “Understandable. Are you sure you want to come with us?”

“We were going for DC anyway. Unless you don't want us to come along, then we won't. You guys can keep with your little group of five and we’ll be on our way.”

Gemma doesn't say anything.

Louis continues, “I think Liam is right, we’re better in numbers. Ten is better than five. Ten is certainly better than three, like we were just twelve hours ago. We wouldn't want to overstep, but I think traveling together is a good idea.”

She hums. “Alright.” 

“How many of them have you killed?” Louis asks quietly.

“God, too many. I lost count our second day out here.”

“Have you killed any people?”

Gemma shakes her head. “Never. Why, have you?”

“No.”

“Harry has this… he wants to remain as  _ human  _ as possible, or whatever. He doesn't want to become dehumanized even though there's the perfect scenarios for us to make the inhuman and violent decisions. He doesn't want to kill people.”

“We may have to kill people.”

“He doesn't want to unless we have to.”

“That's your brother, right?”

Gemma nods, leaning closer to the window to look at something below them. “Yeah.”

“He's very trusting,” Louis says, and Gemma nods. “That scares you, doesn't it?”

“Terrifies me. But I have to learn how to trust  _ him  _ and the fact that he can handle himself.”

Louis looks to where everyone is sleeping, sees Harry with a blanket pulled up to his chin. “He's gonna adapt.”

“I sure hope so.”

********

“We’re not going to come,” Olly says. “But we do have some stuff for you. Water. Bottled water. Some granola bars, a small bag of Advil. And you can keep the clothes you put on when you got here.”

“Thank you so much,” Perrie says, taking the bag Jade hands her. “Good luck here. Make sure you keep the door locked, and always go at them with your knife when you can.”

“We will. Good luck.”

Louis and Perrie leave Jade and Olly behind, praying that they're able to make it. “I hate leaving people behind.” Perrie says.

“You do what you have to.” Louis shrugs.

“It feels like we’re leaving those four guys behind again.”

“What, Ashton and Co?” Louis asks.

“Yeah. I don't like leaving people behind. Stop calling them Ashton and Company. It's annoying.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “You're annoying.”

“Great insult. You're falling off your game. Usually you've got abundant insults and sarcasm. What's wrong?”

“Nothing's wrong. I think I’m just tired.”

“Did you sleep last night after you and I switched?”

“Yeah. This is all just very tiring.”

“You also wish you were getting laid.”

Louis lets out a laugh. “Getting laid shouldn't be our main concern.

“Maybe it should. We don't know how much longer we're gonna be alive. Might as well get one more earth-shattering orgasm while you can.” 

He laughs again, leaning against the door frame as they get back to the room. “Okay, Pez. If you say so.”

“Are we ready?” Liam asks, looking at Louis as if he holds the answer for his friends.

“I’m ready. Is everyone else ready?”

 

  
The sun is barely up when they start off again, quietly to avoid attracting any walkers. “What do you think is in here?” Nick asks, tugging on the door to a building. 

It doesn't open, but they're greeted promptly by a thud and snarling through the door. “Yeah, don't open that,” Zayn says, clapping Nick on the shoulder. “That won't be a very good idea.”

“What if there's useful stuff in there?” Nick presses, still tugging on the door.

“Grimmy,” Gemma says. “Keep walking. I don’t feel like fending off another swarm of them, thank you very much.”

“At least it would be easier, you know?” Perrie says. “More of us.”

“I still don’t wanna get into it,” Louis admits. “I think we should avoid it if we can.”

Reluctantly, Nick continues along. Louis  _ really  _ doesn't like this guy. They continue moving along, stopping every so often for a break or to check parked cars.

“How old are you?” someone’s asking suddenly. Louis isn't sure where the voice came from until he looks behind him, Harry quickly coming up beside him.

“Why do you wanna know?”

“Why do you have to be so snippy all the time?” Harry fires back. Louis quirks an eyebrow. “Sorry. I’m tired.”

“I get it,” Louis replies. “I’m twenty five, if you must know.”

“Oh, I’m twenty three. You're my sister's age, then.”

Louis nods slowly. Harry sounds so calm, even has a little perk to his voice. Louis wonders how. How can someone remain so calm and so happy in a situation like this? 

“You look like you have something to say,” Harry notes, adjusting the bag on his back. “What is it?”

Louis shrugs, squinting as the sun comes out from behind a cloud. “I think we should try to find sunglasses.”

“I have a hat,” Harry suggests. “For some baseball team, I think. You can have it if you want.”

“No, you keep it. You should wear it.”

“I don't wear hats. Not baseball caps anyway. I don't like them.”

Louis thinks Harry would look good in a baseball cap. He keeps this thought to himself. He goes to reply, but stops himself from saying anything when he  _ hears  _ a walker. It's coming from behind him. Louis whips around, knife already drawn.

“Fuck  _ me _ ,” he curses, stepping in front of Harry to attempt to keep the two walkers from getting to him. Louis drives his knife through the skull as quickly as possible, wanting to get to the second one.

Before he can even draw his knife back out, there's a grunt and a thud. Louis looks to his right, where Harry is trying to pull a knife out of the other one’s temple.

“You guys alright back there?” Niall calls.

“Yeah!” Harry calls back, glancing over his shoulder. “There's probably more of them, so be careful!”

Louis reaches over and helps Harry pull the knife out, studying him carefully. “You okay?” he asks.

Harry nods. “I’m fine. Are you?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

They turn and keep walking. Louis is pretty sure all the colour drains from his face when he sees what's up ahead. “This is, like, the fourth herd of them we've seen. We need to get out of here,” Harry says.

“We’re not gonna be able to fight them off!” Liam says. “There's too many!”

Louis is concerned for his friends and himself. He needs to make it out and they need to make it out.

“We can do it.” Nick argues.

Louis doesn't like the sound of that. “We can't do it,” he says to Zayn as they both take down a walker in sync.

“I know.”

They work their way to the outskirts of the herd, grabbing Perrie along the way. Louis is relieved to see Taylor and Leigh-Anne already there. They take down the ones on the outside, but don't go out of their way to fight all of them. Eventually the others realize what's going on, but not before there's  _ screaming.  _ High pitched  _ screaming  _ coming from someone. And then a groan, and Louis knows that they're fucked. So, so fucked.

The walkers all stop, turn to where the noises came from. When they've all made their way there, Louis sees who’s left standing. Himself, Zayn, Perrie, Taylor and Leigh. Gemma, Niall, Liam and Harry. Not Nick or Jesy.

“No!” Is his first reaction. “Fuck.”

Louis tugs a hand through his hair. 

“We’ve gotta go,” Gemma says, tugging lightly on Louis’ arm to provoke him to move.

Harry is still standing, stunned. Louis finally realizes that they need to go, grabs Harry and starts tugging him away.

“Let me go,” Harry demands, trying to shake himself free of Louis’ grip. “Let go of me, Louis!”

Louis does, and Harry surprisingly keeps up their speedy pace. “Is everybody else okay?” Taylor asks.

“Let's stop here,” Niall points just off the road. They head down and lean against the trees, catching their breath.

“You're all okay?” Gemma asks.

Taylor nods, wiping her cheeks of any tears. “Yeah.”

“Haz? You okay?” Gemma looks at Harry, who is filled with nothing but a blank stare.

“We need to keep moving, kid,” Louis says, putting a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Otherwise they're gonna get to us too.”

Harry shakes himself, Louis watches him pinch himself on the arm and he picks up his bag again. “Okay, let’s go.”

**  
** _ HARRY _ **_._ **

 

They walk until the sun gets low, then stumble upon a gated community. Harry thinks maybe this could be a place they stay for a long time. Then again, he thinks that might be wishful thinking. So Harry tries not to think. 

They make it safely to a house, clearing and beginning to ransack it for anything left. Harry doesn’t have the energy or the heart or the patience to do anything, so he plops down on the chair in the corner of the living room (they already pushed the sofa in front of the door) and closes his eyes.

Nick is dead.

Harry exhales a breath and repeats the three words over again in his head. Nick is dead.

“Hey, kid,” Louis calls. “You said you don't wear baseball caps. I found a beanie.”

Harry watches a black beanie land in his lap.

“Are you gonna come help us, or…”

“I don't really want to. I’ll stay here.”

“Come on, Harry. I know you lost Nick, but we have to keep going.”

“I don't really want to,” Harry repeats, looking up at Louis. “I just lost my friend and I’d like to think for a moment.”

“You're not the only one who lost someone back there, H. I lost Jesy. Zayn, Taylor and I lost Jesy. And we’re still doing what needs to be done. There's another couch downstairs that they're bringing up. Can you help me move this table out of the way?” Louis nods to the coffee table in the middle of the room.

Harry stares up at him, feeling defiant. But Louis looks so genuine, he doesn't look angry or anything. He seems patient, like he understands. Harry nods finally, standing up. “Thank you,” Louis says softly.

“Where should we move it?” Harry asks, rather than saying  _ you're welcome. _

Louis shrugs, brushing his hair out of his eyes. “Against the wall, I guess.”

“You should let Gemma cut it,” Harry says as they put the table down. “Your hair, I mean. Just a trim. You need to be able to see the walkers, don't you?”

One of Louis’ hands flies up to his fringe. “Why? Is it too long?”

“No, I mean… no.”

“I was gonna grow it out. Think I should trim it?” Louis’ face contorts.

“Maybe. A little. I like it long, really. But  _ short _ may help you in the  _ long _ run.”

“I’ll consider it. How's that?”

Harry smiles. “Deal.”

Later, when Louis volunteers to take the first watch like he did last night, Harry immediately volunteers to stay up as well.

They sit on the couch by the door sharing a granola bar because Liam wouldn't let them eat two (Harry doesn't mind). “How come you take first watch?” Harry asks thoughtfully.

Louis shrugs. “I dunno. I just like it. When you're up first you kind of get the feel for everything, you know?”

“I guess.”

“You become more familiar with your surroundings. You have the upper hand over everyone, because you already know what it's like.” Louis explains, breaking off a piece of the granola bar, Harry following suit.

“Where are you from?” Harry asks. He’s nearly desperate to keep the conversation going. 

“Doncaster. South Yorkshire.”

“I’m from Holmes Chapel! In Cheshire!” Harry says. “It's probably gone by now, but that's where I grew up. It's like two hours from Doncaster. I think I've been there before.”

“Oh, really?”

Harry frowns when Louis doesn’t sound very interested. They don’t say anything for a while. Louis jumps up when there’s a crash from outside somewhere. Harry watches him go to the window, look around outside for a few minutes before coming and sitting back down. “What was it?” Harry asks, going up on his knees to look out the little window on the door.

“There’s a walker across the street. Bumped into a car parked in the driveway over there. We’re fine.” 

Harry nods, biting his lip as he mulls over what he wants to say next. He finally decides to just say it and get it over with. “I’m sorry I didn’t snap out of my whole grieving thing sooner.” Harry blurts. He regrets it immediately. Goddammit.

“What?” Louis asks, head whipping to look at Harry. Harry notes Louis’ eyelashes casting shadows on his cheeks. He’s is mesmerized. “Harry, don’t ever apologize for that. You lost a friend, you’re allowed to grieve.”

“You lost a friend and you were still up and doing shit. You pointed it out before.”

“Yeah, well before I was insensitive and tired.”

“You’re not really bothered by it anymore, are you?” Harry asks, studying Louis carefully. “What have you seen?”

Louis scoffs. “Nothing as bad as most people have seen. I think it’s just the thought of it all, you know? Not knowing what’s coming.”

“Who was Jesy’s fiancé? Jake, I think she said his name was?”

“Oh, yeah. That was tough to watch. It wasn’t necessarily tough for me because I was grieving the loss. It was hard for me to watch  _ Jesy  _ go through it. He went out in such a horrible way. It was awful to watch them get to him like that. I’m glad I didn’t see them get to her. That would have really fucked me up.”

“It hit Jesy hard?”

“So hard. God, she shut down,” Louis shakes his head. Harry can hear him getting more and more choked up. “She didn’t talk to us, she didn’t eat. She took almost all the night shifts. It was scary. Because we were gonna have to watch her go down from heartbreak, watch her break piece by piece and not even by the hands of one of those goddamn things.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” Harry says, because he is. He's truly sorry that Louis had to watch Jesy suffer, and now that he’s her. He's completely sorry.

“I’m gonna go look around up here a little more. I didn't really get to before,” Louis says, standing up again. “Finish the granola bar, kid.”

Harry pouts. “I’m not a kid.”

Louis smiles at him. “I know you're not. Just eat the granola bar.”

Louis leaves Harry there, alone with his granola bar and his thoughts and a room full of sleeping people. His eyes start to droop eventually, posture beginning to slouch with his head falling to his hand.

Harry’s eyes are nearly shut, but he still hears someone come into the room. A few seconds later, Harry feels a blanket drape over his legs. The person whispers something like  _ get some sleep, kid. _

When Harry wakes up again, the sun is beginning to come up and Gemma and Perrie are the only two up and about. “I've been asleep for the whole night?” he asks, rubbing his eyes. When he sits up, the blanket falls off his shoulder.

Blanket. Where the hell did that come from? Harry tosses it aside and stands up, running a hand through his hair.

Gemma and Perrie both look over. “Yeah, you passed out last night.”  

Harry looks around, at everyone else either still sleeping or just waking up. Louis is in the middle of the room next to Zayn, sprawled out on his stomach. “Liam finished your watch shift for you. Thank him later,” Gemma continues. “We found some waters, you can have a few sips. And they had a stash of breakfast bars downstairs, so you can take one.”

Perrie holds the plastic bag of a very large amount of breakfast bars out to Harry. He takes one and a bottle of water from the counter. “How long have you been up for?” He asks.

Perrie shrugs. “A few hours. We slept most of the night, though.”

Harry nods. “Good.”

“You… you seem pretty comfortable with Louis,” Gemma says lightly, attempting to keep it casual.

“Mhm,” Perrie hums. “I noticed that too. Last night.”

“We need to be friends otherwise we’ll end up killing each other in cold blood.” Harry replies.

Gemma snorts. “Don't let it get to your head, H. We need to remain focused.”

“I  _ am  _ focused,” Harry huffs. “You're the one making me unfocused.”

The next person up is Louis, his chin becoming more scruff than stubble and his hair awry. “I think we need to find coffee.” he says, kissing Perrie’s head. “When’d you get up for your shift?”

“A few hours ago,” she replies, reaching up to fix his hair. “I think we need to find you a razor, too. We should look around here. Everybody has extra razors stashed somewhere.”

“I’m sure we could all use razors at this point. Even the kid’s got a little stubble going.” Louis says, taking a water bottle from the counter. “What’s our next move?”

“First of all, I’m not a kid. At all,” Harry says. “And I think we should stay here for a little while.”

“Why?” Gemma squints at him. Harry hates when she does this to him, she tests him.

“Because it's a gated community. This house is clear, there’s a chance of other people around. There doesn't seem to be a lot of walkers. We can close the gate and prevent more from getting in. It's the safest thing we've had in months, Gem.”

“I agree. At least for a little while we can stay here,” Louis says. Harry is surprised Louis comes to his defence so quickly. “Your little brother’s right, as much as you hate to admit.”

Gemma death glares him, in a way only Gemma can. Harry would have run for the hills, probably. Louis stares right back. “We’re staying, right, Pez?”

Perrie nods. “We are staying.” 


	5. From Hate to Love from Love to Lust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from Ed Sheeran's "Kiss Me"

_ LOUIS _

 

“One, two, three,” Zayn counts. They both tug hard on the metal gate, finally getting it to roll shut. “Awesome. Next order of business?” 

“We start checking houses. See what we find.” Louis replies.

“Maybe we can find walkie talkies,” Taylor suggests, sounding hopeful.

“Coffee,” Louis declares.

“Running water.”

“Nah, water’s been gone for ages,” Taylor shakes her head. “Sorry, Z.”

Louis knows that a lot is gone. No more water, cell towers are down, there's no power whatsoever. Cars still work, which is nice. Finding gasoline has proved to be a struggle, but Louis has been surprised with how much they've found. Nothing is the same, nothing will ever be the same. But Louis does not plan on being defeated by this world. He wants to make it until he's eighty fucking years old. He doesn't want to end with the world like this.

“That one,” Zayn suggests, pointing up ahead at a beige coloured house identical to the one they're staying in. “Looks promising. There's cars out front.”

“Alright. Let's see what we find.”

They pick up their pace, partially to avoid walkers and partially just to  _ get there  _ and see what's inside.

“Hey, why are you guys walking so fast, Christ.” Louis hears behind them. He stops, turns to see who it is (he already knows it's Harry).

“I don't think you're walking fast enough,” Taylor says teasingly. “Here to tag along?”

“I have to get out of that house. Gemma and Perrie are turning the place upside down looking for razors.”

“Perrie is probably going to die if people don't shave soon. Especially herself.” Zayn says, shaking his head. “She hates it.”

“Yeah, I'm sure it really bothers both of you. Gets in the way of the love making, yeah?” Louis smirks, nudging Zayn’s shoulder.

Zayn rolls his eyes. “No, actually, it doesn't. Pez doesn't mind a bit of beard burn.”

“Wait, they're—you…”

Louis smirks at Harry. “Yes, they are. We all are, that's why I've grown mine out as well.” he says, rubbing his chin.

Harry squints at him.

“No we don't. Stop being an asshole, Louis. Quit messing with him.” Taylor scolds. Louis rolls his eyes and decides to stick his tongue out at her.

Zayn bangs on the door a few times, then they wait. If there’s anything inside, it’ll come right for the door and they can handle the problem without any lurking surprises.

“Zayn and Perrie are, though,” Harry says as they enter the house, now talking only to Louis.

“Yeah, they are,” Louis nods. “Have been since even before this started. It doesn’t affect our dynamic out here, so it doesn’t matter. You can’t keep two people in love apart anyway. Especially in a situation like this.”

Harry nods, but doesn’t say anything in reply. “Be careful looking around in here. We don’t know anything about this place. Or who lived here.” Louis warns.

“Contrary to what my sister thinks, I don’t need a babysitter.” Harry snaps.

“Hey, I’m not babysitting you. I’m telling you exactly what I’d tell anyone else. If you were Zayn I’d tell him the same thing. This is a scary situation. Everyone has to be careful.”

“Yeah, Gem probably told you to look out for me anyway..” Harry rolls his eyes, opening a kitchen cabinet.

Louis shakes his head, beginning to go through cabinets as well. “Look, she didn’t tell me to babysit you.  _ But  _ we do all have to look out for each other, Harry. You’re not bigger or better than any of us, let alone anyone else in the world. You’re certainly not bigger than what’s going on right now.”

He hears Harry sigh, but otherwise remain silent.

“Here,” Taylor says suddenly, tossing a couple reusable shopping bags into the kitchen. “Just to carry stuff back to the house.”

“Thanks,” Harry calls after her. “Have you found anything?”

Louis shakes his head. “Nope,” he replies, opening two cabinets at the same time. “Ooh, never mind.”

Harry comes to Louis’ side to look at the food stacked inside. Mostly canned goods, which is better than nothing. “We won’t take it all,” Harry states. Louis gives him a puzzled look. What the hell is he talking about? “If somebody else comes by, they’ll need food too. We shouldn’t take it all.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Just leave a few cans behind. Please?” Harry pleads. “Not even a lot. Like, four. Or three, even. Just a few.”

Louis remembers Gemma saying that Harry is on a mission to stay good, stay moral and human. Leaving cans behind must be a way Harry thinks he can do this. Louis nods in agreement, allowing for a few cans to be left in the cabinet. They put what they don’t leave in a bag and continue throughout the living and dining room.

Louis finds two boxes of matches, a pair of socks and a reusable water bottle. He throws all of it into a bag and leaves it on the counter. Upstairs, Louis walks right into a  _ very  _ excited Taylor.

“What got into you?” Louis quirks an eyebrow at her.

“Nothing  _ in  _ me, but these will be on our skin,” she says excitedly, holding up a package of disposable razors. “I found scissors, too, so we can do haircuts. Maybe even trim your beard if the razor can't handle it.”

“Christ, it's not that bad. Where’s Zayn? And Harry?”

“Bedroom. Looking through clothes and drawers. I found razors!”

“I know you found razors. This is fantastic. Live changing shit, T.”

“Literally!”

 

********

 

Louis really tries not to waste all of his cigarettes. Because he knows how limited they are. Louis could have, like, the very last pack of cigarettes in the United States. Even though the world has gone to shit and there’s no rules and hardly anything matters anymore, Perrie makes Louis smoke outside. Minded, this is the first time Louis has smoked since they got to this new house. Perrie has still put a very strict rule in place saying that in the future it must be taken outside.

That’s why he’s sat on the front porch as the sun goes down, smoking a cigarette like it’s a normal day. As if he’s not watching a walker a trying to get into the house down the street.

“Oh, I didn’t think anyone else was out here,” Harry is there, turning to head back inside.

“No, kid, it’s fine. I’m just smoking.”

Harry closes the door slowly, comes and leans against the pole opposite Louis, pushing himself up on the railing.  “I didn’t know you smoked,” he says.

“It’s awful. You’d think this whole end of the world scenario would get me to quit.”

“You’ll have to quit eventually, right? There’s only so many packs of cigarettes.”

Louis shrugs. “I guess.” He doesn’t even want to start thinking about how hellish that time is going to be.

“Can I?” Harry asks, already extending a hand to take the cigarette from Louis. “Gemma doesn’t have to know,” he adds, smiling.

Louis doesn’t share things, most of the time. Let alone his very last very sacred cigarettes. So he isn’t quite sure why he hands the cigarette over to Harry. He watches Harry inhale, then exhale the smoke around him. It tangles with his hair and dances around his face.

Louis almost forgets to breathe.

“Thank you.” Harry hands the cigarette back, then leans against the rail again. “Don’t tell Gemma.”

Louis smiles at him. “I won’t tell Gemma. Don’t worry about it.”

“Can I tell you something?”

“If you want to.”

“I don’t like living in this world,” Harry says. “I don’t like it at all.”

Louis nods. “I don’t either. It’s tough. I wish I was home,” he laughs. “Can you believe that?”

Harry’s eyebrows draw together. “Is wanting to be home a bad thing?” He asks.

“I never thought I’d be wishing I go home,” Louis admits. He was glad to get away to go to NYU. So, so glad. “But now I want to go. Even though I know it’s not there anymore. There’s nothing left. But maybe if I was there, I could’ve helped them make it.”

“I’m just glad I have Gem here. Even though we fight and she’s over protective, it’s still nice to have her. I didn’t completely lose everything, even though I know everything else is gone.”

“Zayn and T are all I’ve got,” Louis smiles sadly. “I’ll take them over nothing, though.”

“How do you know your family…”

“I think that might be the only way I can do this. Just, like, think about how there’s nothing left back home. I know that I only have to worry about myself. And that's probably awful to say, but knowing that I don't have anyone else makes me focus on  _ me  _ more.”

“You do have other people.” Harry says simply.

Louis looks at him, confused.

“You have all of us. Zayn and Taylor and Perrie and Liam and Gemma and Niall. And me. You're not alone. Zayn and Taylor aren't all you have left.” He’s smiling, and  _ fuck  _ he’s so genuine about it. Louis is stunned.

“Then you have more than just Gemma,” Louis says finally. “You have all of them. And me.”

Harry nods. “Yeah, I guess you're right.”

 

********

 

“What was that?” Louis asks, freezing at the sound of a loud crash from down the street. 

“Probably nothing,” Liam replies. “The others are down there.”

“Yeah, I know.” Louis is already taking off down the street.

He rounds the corner to find Harry, staring hard at the closed door of a building.

“Are you okay?” He asks, breath coming out quickly after the run.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Trying to get this open. You—how come you're so out of breath? Did you run over here?”

“What? Yeah!”

“Why?” Harry furrows his eyebrows at Louis. “You didn't have to bust ass to get over here.”

“I–I thought—”

“What, that I was in danger?” he snorts. “That encouraged you to run—oh.”

“What?”

Harry begins walking down the sidewalk, Louis continuing beside him. Harry smirks, cocky as he glances at Louis. “You were worried about me?” 

Louis scoffs, stuttering for an answer. “No, I wasn't—”

“Big bad Louis Tomlinson can't admit that he was worried about someone else. Okay, fine. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone else.”

Louis hates him. Louis absolutely hates him. He was concerned for the safety of his group member. As Harry pointed out the other night, they’re part of what the other has. After realizing that they're heading back out towards the highway and that there's more walkers that way, the pair turn around and head back to the house.

Liam is back as well, digging through a box on the front porch. “Do you think we can stay here?” Harry asks, opening the front door. 

Louis shrugs. “Being able to and wanting to are different. I know we all want to, but if we  _ can…” _

“I asked if we can. Do you think this would be a good place? Don't bullshit it, give me a straight answer.”

Louis sighs, leaning against the counter. “I think it seems safe. It seems safe and it could be that way for a while. Our time here is limited. Something could happen that would force us to leave right now. Nothing – absolutely  _ nothing  _ is set in stone. I think those walkers are slowly going to make their way into the city. And if it gets too crowded out there, we'll be stuck in here. That won't work at all.”

“So we’d have to move before they get too close.” Harry fills in, nodding.

“Exactly. Because nothing is—”

“Permanent.”

Louis smiles at him, nodding. “Absolutely nothing is permanent.”

Harry is quiet for a moment. Then he says, “nothing gold can stay.” Louis let's out a laugh. “What? That's a good poem, and The Outsiders is an amazing book!”

“It's a good book, kid. You're right. About the fact that it's a good book. And the fact that nothing gold ever stays.”

“Lou!” Perrie calls. Louis can hear her coming down the stairs. “We found a bunch of clothes and stuff, it's all upstairs in the bedroom. You guys can go look through it, the girls and I just finished putting it up there. You can get first dibs.”

“Does he get a plus one?” Harry asks.

Perrie grins at him. “Of course he does, babes. Head on up.”

“I like Perrie,” Harry says as they're heading up the stairs. “She's sweet.”

Louis nods. “I know she is. She's good.”

“Do you wish it was you and her instead of her and Zayn?”

Louis can't help but burst out laughing at this question. Harry’s eyebrows draw together, clearly confused. “No, I don't wish it was her and I. Nothing against her, she's great. She's just… not my type.”

“Oh. I get it. What  _ is  _ your type?”

“I think I go for brunettes, mostly.” Louis admits, looking over at Harry. Louis’ type is definitely brunettes.

They start shuffling through the clothes on the bed, setting aside things that catch their eye. Once there's a spot clear Louis sits cross legged, Harry joining across from him soon after.

“What was your mum like?” Harry asks suddenly.

Louis swallows hard. He hasn't thought much about his mother. “She was kind. Gentle. She couldn't hurt a soul. I think she raised me well, despite all the shit she went through. But she was so, so gentle.”

“Apple seems like it fell pretty far from the tree, then.”

Louis shakes his head. “No, not really. I mean, before, anyway. I was just like her. Then all of this happened. I couldn't hurt anyone. I went through childhood naive, I think. Thought nobody would hurt me, especially not the people closest to me. I was gentle and forgiving and caring.”

Louis sees a hand on his knee, then Harry’s leaning in closer. “I think you still are like her. You're still all of those things. You pretend like you're not. You're our resident dick. You kick ass and take names. But then to certain people you're just like you say your mum is. Gentle and caring and forgiving. You're like that with me.” Harry says softly.

Louis looks up at him, finally, and they're close. So close it takes Louis’ breath away, to see Harry at such a close proximity. His eyes and his cheeks and his  _ lips.  _ Louis is overwhelmed. Then Harry licks his lips, and Louis loses it. He's closing the gap and pressing their lips together before he knows what he's doing.

The best part? Harry kisses back. Louis drops the tee shirt he had in his hands so he can touch Harry, just touch touch touch touch. One hand on the small of Harry’s back, pulling him closer, and one hand on up his cheek.

They kiss for eons, like nothing is wrong in the world. Louis never wants to leave. But Harry pulls back, turns his cheek and puts a hand on Louis’ chest. “What are you doing?” he asks softly.

“Did you not want me to do that?”

“I don't… I don't know, okay?” Harry says, standing up. “I don't think I want any of this stuff but I might come back and check again later.”

“Harry—”

“It's fine, Louis. Really.”

On his way out the door, Harry nearly walks right into Zayn, whose eyes are wide. “What's going on?” he asks, coming into the room with Louis. 

“We’re just going through this shit the girls found.”

“What was  _ that,  _ I mean. Harry.”

Louis shrugs. “I dunno.”

“The fuck do you mean you don't know, Louis? You were in here with him, were you not?”

“I don't know what his problem is. I’m taking this sweatshirt, unless you want it?”

Zayn shakes his head. “What I do want, however, is for you to tell me what just went on with Harry.”

Louis doesn't answer. Sometimes if he ignores Zayn for long enough, the topic gets dropped. Zayn comes to his senses and realizes that Louis won't give any information. This, unfortunately, is not one of those times. “Tell me,” he sings. “What happened. Did you… hm… disagree? Fight over something? Or… maybe you kissed. Is Larry a thing now?”

What the  _ fuck?  _ Louis looks up at Zayn, eyebrows drawn together. “Oh my god. You kissed!” Zayn exclaims.

“You sound like a fucking teenage girl, Zayn. Calm down. And stay out of my business, Jesus Christ.”

“It better not fuck this up, Louis. If that kiss fucks up what we have here with Gemma and Liam and Niall… I don’t want to leave here, Louis. If because you two kissed it’s going to set him off or set you off and fuck up how they feel I’m going to be  _ so  _ pissed at you.”

“It won’t,” Louis promises. Part of him hopes this is true, the other part of him isn’t quite sure it is.

Zayn exhales a breath, nods. “Alright.. So… Who kissed who?”

Louis rolls his eyes, unzipping the pocket on a sweatshirt. Why do sweatshirts need pockets that zip? Louis never liked that concept. Zayn continues singsonging, asking who kissed who and why Louis won’t dish. “I kissed him, okay?” Louis blurts. “I initiated the kiss. Now please get off my case about it, yeah? I don’t know what it means, I don’t know what’s going to happen, I don’t know what his goddamn problem is, either.”

“Alright, calm down. Jesus.”

 

_ HARRY _

 

“Hey, H,” Gemma says cheerily. “Did you pick anything from what we found?” 

“I looked, I’m gonna go back later and see if there’s anything I want to keep. I don’t think we should carry too much stuff, it might start getting inconvenient. Don’t you think?”

“I thought you and Lou went up,” Perrie says. “He still up there?”

“Uh, yeah, he is.” 

“Are you okay?” Gemma asks, frowning.

“I’m fine. I’m… gonna go for a walk, okay?”

“Harry, you just got back. It’s getting late, I don’t-”

“I know what  _ you _ want and don’t want. Fortunately, I know what  _ I  _ want and don’t want as well. Unfortunately for you, they are not the same thing. I’m going for a walk.”

Harry snapped. He convinces himself that this is okay, he’s allowed to snap. And he didn’t go completely insane and kill people, so it’s okay. He just yelled at his sister. He barely even yelled, really. He storms out of the house, slams the door and hears Leigh-Anne yell at him for it. Harry doesn’t apologize.

He cannot fucking  _ believe  _ this. All of it. Between the goddamn zombie outbreak and Gemma up his ass because she doesn’t think Harry can  _ handle  _ himself. Harry can handle himself perfectly fine. He knows what he’s doing. Harry can’t believe  _ Louis.  _ Louis  _ fucking  _ Tomlinson. Louis fucking kissed him. Louis Tomlinson kissed Harry Styles.

On any other day, in any other life, Harry Styles would have felt like he was flying. Because ever since they ran into each other in the apartment building, Harry’s been eyeing Louis. He’s attractive, yes. The kind of man Harry would definitely hit on if they encountered each other in a bar rather than a zombie-ridden world. He can’t believe Louis kissed him like that. Harry didn’t even know Louis was into guys, let alone into Harry. 

He keeps walking until he’s far enough away from the house, almost to the gate where they came in when they first came upon this community. He stops, drops down on a bench and exhales a breath. “Holy fucking shit.”

Harry closes his eyes and tilts his head back, attempting to clear his head. He has to do this. He has to continue through whatever he’s feeling in his stomach and in his mind and his heart and continue through this sick world.  Time slips away, reality slips away and for a moment it’s like he’s not even in this world anymore. Everything feels normal.

Then there’s snarling, loud and persistent. Harry’s on his feet immediately, looking behind him at the two walkers getting closer. He reaches for his knife, ready to take on the two. It’s easy, really. Probably the easiest thing he’ll ever has to do in this world. Right through the temple with his knife, and that’s it. He stands up straight again, but is greeted by something not easy at all.

“Oh, shit.” He mutters, backing up. Harry racks his brain, trying to decide what to do. If he runs, they’ll follow. He could lead them right back to the house, right back to everyone else.

But if he heads back that way, the others could help. Harry can’t take all of them with his knife. Not with them coming at him from both sides, with only his knife. There’s got to be ten or twelve of them, coming from both sides of the street. He’ll do what he can, Harry decides, but slowly make his way back to the house. He’s not running, hell no, because that’s exactly what Gemma thinks he always does. Harry is done running from these goddamn things.

So, slowly, he backs up, driving his knife through the temple of a walker when it gets too close. When he glances over his shoulder, he can finally see he’s no more than one hundred feet away from the house. Harry’s never been more grateful.

He can hear Leigh-Anne shout his name and hears shuffling, shouting. When an arrow whizzes past his head and takes down a walker that was getting too close, Harry quickly realizes that  _ then  _ he is most grateful. Even more so than when he first saw he was close to the house. Harry is so, so, so grateful.

Then there’s a gunshot, but not from someone in their house. Because Harry knows that they wouldn’t use a gun. Knives and Zayn’s crossbow would be enough for such a small herd. When they’re all on the ground, Harry searches frantically to see where the shot came from.

“What the hell were you doing?” Gemma calls, already sounding angry. “Why the hell did that just happen, Harry? Did you open the gate?”

“I think we should be more concerned with where that mystery gunshot came from, not whether or not I opened the damn gates!” Harry yells right back at her without any hesitation. He’s done being pushed around.

“So you admit it, you opened the gate? Where did you think you were gonna go-”

“I didn’t open the  _ fucking  _ gate, Gemma.”

“He didn’t open the gate,” Louis says suddenly, wiping grime and blood from the herd that just went on. “I was watching him, he didn’t open the gate.”

“You were-okay, never mind. I just want to know where the  _ fuck  _ that gunshot came from.” Harry ignores Louis, figuring that can be dealt with later.

“Up there,” Niall says, pointing up towards a house across the street. “Just one shot.”

“I’m going over there,” Louis says, putting his knife away and already heading over towards the house. “Coming?”

Harry assumes he’s talking to Zayn, or Perrie, maybe even Gemma. But Louis is looking right at him. “Uh, yeah. I’m coming.” Harry nods, hurrying to catch up with Louis.

“You know,” Harry says, running a hand through his hair. “You don’t have to defend me to Gemma like that. If she doesn’t believe me, that’s her problem. I don’t need you stepping in to defend me or help me or whatever every time you think you have to.”

“She was digging into you for no reason,” Louis replies. “I know she’s pissed because of what’s happening, but she’s scared too.  And she’s worried about you. But she shouldn’t get so pissed at you, especially when you told the truth.”

“How come you were watching me anyway? I told you that I don’t need you to babysit me.”

Louis shrugs, knocking on the door to the house. “I was looking out for you, that’s all. Calm down.”

They wait for a moment before knocking again. “We just wanna talk,” Louis says. “That’s all.”

“We thought we were the only people here. We didn’t think there was anybody left. We’d like to get to know you, I think. You really saved my ass out there. I was practically dead meat.”

There’s silence, then Harry hears the lock and the door cracks open. “What’s your name?” The woman asks, not even showing her entire face.

“I’m Harry. This is Louis. I’m the one whose ass you saved.”

The woman cracks the door open a little further. “Show me your guns. What do you have on you?”

Harry immediately shows her his knife and his gun. Louis doesn’t move. Harry rolls his eyes. “Louis, please.”

Louis does, reluctantly. Harry catches the woman behind the door smile a bit. “I’m Lou,” she says finally. She opens the door the rest of the way.

“How long have you been here?” Harry asks.

“Since the beginning. We were on vacation. Can you believe that?”

“Yeah, I can,” Harry smiles sadly. “We have people. Do you have anyone?”

Lou shakes her head. “No, it’s just me.”

“Holy  _ shit,”  _ Louis says, disbelieving. “Just you? All this time?”

“My daughter and I, yes.”

“Can we meet her? She must be pretty badass. Strong.”

“She’s just turned six,” Lou says, grinning. “But, yeah, you can. She can be a little shy. Lux, honey!” She calls. “You can come down, love.”

Seconds later, a young girl comes down and stands close behind her mother. “Say hi, Lux.”

She weakly raises a hand and waves at the two men. Harry smiles warmly at her, waving back. “Hey!” Liam calls suddenly. “What’re you two doing?”

“We found-” Harry starts to yell back, but turns back to Lou. “Would you like to come over and meet everyone?”

“Um, yeah, sure. I guess so.” Lou glances back at Lux. “Wanna go outside, sweetheart?” The little girl nods. Lou grabs a handgun from a table next to the door and puts it in her waistband, picks Lux up and steps out onto the porch.

The three walk back over to the others, Harry noting that Louis trails behind Lou. “This is-” he goes to start introduce Lou and Lux, but Lou steps forward and extends a hand to Liam.

“I’m Lou,” She says. “This is my daughter Lux.”

“Just you two? How long have you been here?” Gemma asks. “I’m Gemma, by the way.”

“Yeah, it’s just been us. We’ve been here since the beginning. Saw you guys get here, but didn’t know if you were dangerous. I figured I’d deal with that problem if you came into my house,” Lou laughs lightly, adjusting Lux on her hip. “I’m just glad to see other people. I haven’t seen anyone else in a long time.”

“Well, we’re good people,” Niall smiles. “I think you are too.” 

“I’m just trying to keep my daughter safe.”

“Hey, I hate to disturb the love fest greeting thing we’ve got going on out here, but we’ve got three walkers heading right for you guys, so.” Taylor calls from the porch.

Lou is moving towards the house immediately, switching Lux to the other hip to put her  _ that  _ much further away from the oncoming walkers. “Harry,” Gemma says, grabbing his arm to slow him down. “Do you trust her?”

“She’s a single mother, all alone out here, protecting her daughter. She seemed more scared to see us than we were to see her. She helped save me out there, Gem. Took down a walker with one shot from her second story window. I trust her, Gem.”

Gemma nods. “I think I do, too.”

 

********

 

“What do you guys plan on doing?” Lou asks, laying Lux down gently on the couch. 

“We haven’t decided yet. This seems like a good place to stay. We could make sturdy walls and rid the place of all the walkers already in here. It could be… you know, home.” Liam says, sitting down across from her.

“We were going to DC, though. If this fails.” Louis chimes in.

Harry watches Gemma give him a look. She doesn’t like openly sharing that they’re heading for DC. Louis gives a look right back, and they’re clearly communicating through their looks. Louis flips Gemma off, and she rolls her eyes. “DC? What’s in DC?”

“We don’t really know,” Niall admits. “We just figured… The capital would be the place to go.” 

“You aren’t afraid that it’ll be over run?” Lou frowns. “I would think DC’s one of the first places that went down.”

“I have faith in whoever was up there at the time. I’d bet they’re even working on a cure.” Taylor replies. “But we’ll stay here for as long as those things will allow us to.”

“Lux calls them monsters,” Lou smiles. “I should really be taking her back. Thank you for letting us hang around here for the afternoon, it was nice meeting you all.”

The group watches Lou take Lux back across the street to their home, avoiding a lone walker on the way.

“Tomorrow we’ll clear this place out,” Gemma says. “Every house, every shed and every little alley. On the east side of town there’s a big space that’s open to the forest, we should rebuild the wall there. That’s probably where new walkers are getting in.”

“So we’re staying?” Harry asks, hopeful. He wants to stay here.  

“If we can get it secure. This could be home.”

 

********

 

Harry chooses the task of checking cars to see if any of them run over the next few days. Louis helps with building up the fence. So they're perfectly far away from each other. 

Harry finds a lot of cars that still run. He’s lucky to stumble upon some cans of gasoline in the garages of some homes. He kills a few walkers every so often, but nothing too extreme happens. It's quiet.

Today, Harry goes out like he usually does. Walks down to where he left off car wise, if it's running he drives it back to the house they've claimed as home. He's getting closer and closer to the side of the community where Louis and Zayn are building up the wall.

His world shakes when he hears a gunshot from where they're building up the wall, then rapid  _ fucking fire.  _ Repeated gunshots, over and over again. Harry runs immediately, finding Louis and Zayn the only people there.

They're splattered with blood, three men on the ground a few feet away. “We need to go,” Louis says softly, wiping his face. “We need to get out of here  _ now.” _

“Who are they, Louis?” Harry asks, trying to get something out of him.

“There's more of them, Harry. We don't have time. Get Lou and Lux, we need to pack up the cars and we have to go. Right now.”

“Louis!”

“Harry, fucking machine guns were just fired at me and I didn't get killed. I’m not sticking around just to get mauled by the walkers that it attracted. There's more where those three came from, and I don't want to fucking be here when they get here!”

Louis  _ screams  _ at him – Harry’s never heard him yell like this before. It makes him want to cower in fear; Harry’s never done well with people yelling at him. But, instead of backing up and cowering like everybody thinks he will, Harry turns and runs back towards the house.

“Louis says we have to go,” he shouts as he comes through the door of the house. “There was just a shootout down by where they’re building up the gate.”

He can hear sets of footsteps rushing down the stairs, Niall, Gemma and Leigh-Anne all running down. “What?” Gemma demands.

“Talk and gather stuff,” Louis says suddenly, coming into the room running. “Like,  _ now.  _ We need to go.”

“Louis, what the fuck happened?” Gemma presses.

Even though Louis hasn’t fully elaborated, they begin getting everything together in an extremely rushed manner. “Louis, tell us,” Niall says finally, tossing a bag into the back of a Honda Civic.

“Z and I were building up the fence, right? And these three guys come out of nowhere. We tried talking to them, and then they just fired. We shot back, and that was it. They’re on the ground. The gunshots will attract walkers, and there’s definitely more of them where those three came from. We need to get out of here right now.” Louis says, quickly and trying hard for breath with how quickly they’re moving.

“How many cars do we have?” Liam asks, slamming the trunk.

“Three. I’ll take this one,” Louis points to the Jeep in the driveway. “I’ll take Lou and Lux with me. You got them, right?” He asks Taylor, who nods.

“They’re on their way over here now,” she says. “I’ll go in the minivan with Liam.”

“Leigh-Anne, Niall and Harry can come too.”

“That leaves the rest of us in that four door,” Gemma concludes. “We have all the guns and all the ammo and everything?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Lou comes out with Lux on her hip and a duffle bag on her other shoulder. She throws the duffle in the back of the jeep Louis points to, and immediately gets Lux into the back seat.

“Do we know where we’re going?” Lou asks, pausing before getting into the back seat.

Everybody shakes their heads. “Don't know. But we’re going.”

They're driving out the gates minutes later. Harry’s sat next to Leigh-Anne, which he doesn't mind. “Were you over there when it happened?” she asks. “With Louis and Zayn?”

“No, I was getting close, though. You'll have to ask Louis about what happened. Maybe Zayn.” 

“Louis seemed fine, though, yeah?” Niall asks, turning around to face them.

“He jumped into action right away. There was no wait. He took down those guys and he told me to get all of you.”

“He’s quick on his feet, I’ll tell you that much. He’s smart.” Liam states. “Impressive, really. Kudos to him.”

Harry nods in agreement, sitting back in his seat and looking out the window. As they drive, he can see walkers along the road, wandering around waiting for their next victim to stumble across their path. If you’re not careful, you’ll walk right into the grasp of one and won’t be able to get out. Harry is quite glad the walkers are loud, this way they’re heard in time. He can only hope he doesn’t face the same fate as Nick and Jesy. Because that’s an awful, awful way to go. He also can’t imagine what that would do to Gemma.


	6. Here Today, Gone Tomorrow.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from The Fray's "Trust Me"

_ LOUIS _ **_._ **

 

“What happened back there?” Lou asks, taking Lux into her lap. Louis glances at her in the rearview mirror. Louis distinctly remembers telling what happened to everyone in the house, but quickly realizes that Lou wasn’t there. “I was hurriedly told to gather everything I needed and go. I’d like to know why. I don’t have to come off with you guys. Almost practical strangers.” 

“I know you don’t,” Louis says slowly, carefully thinking of what to say next. “But if you want to keep your daughter alive, you’ll stay with us.”

Lou snorts. “I was doing just fine on my own, if you do recall. Until you lot came in and caused trouble. I did, however, agree with turning that community into a safe place. So, what happened at the fence?”

Louis sighs, gripping tighter onto the steering wheel. “Zayn and I were just getting started on continuing to build up that fence. We were laying down some bricks and stuff that we found in somebody’s shed so it was elevated and met the height of the other part of the gate.” 

“Where’d you get the fencing to fill in the gap?” She questions. “I never asked about that.”

“We took down part of a chain link fence from something that was for a dog or something, I think. Must’ve left him outside. We took it down and decided it’d be better than anything. Get some wood to go in front of that.”

“That sounds like it would’ve worked,” Lou smiles. Louis shrugs. “So what happened today?”

“Z and I were the only ones down there. These three guys came up through the woods, had their guns out. We grabbed ours, and they asked us to put it down, that they just wanted to talk. When we didn’t listen, one of them fired. So we fired right back.”

“And neither one of you got hit?”

Louis shakes his head. “No. Thank God. I have no idea how.”

“How come we had to leave?”

Louis watches the car behind him in the rearview mirror - Liam driving - start swerving back and forth in the road, big, extra swerves that have Louis wondering what the hell is going on. After a moment of thinking about Lou’s question, he says, “because there’s more. Z and I picked up their guns, they had excess ammo too. There’s definitely more of them, probably a big group. And if those three didn’t hesitate to open fire on us, the rest of them won’t either. They’ll probably do worse. Not to mention the walkers all those gunshots attracted. Leaving was in our best interest.”

Lou doesn’t say anything. “I mean, if you really want to leave us, you can. I’ll pull over right now and let you and Lux out.” Louis reasons, already slowing down the car. Behind them, Gemma taps her horn one time and Louis picks up the pace again.

“You wouldn’t leave us,” Lou says knowingly. She’s right.

“I couldn’t,” Louis admits, shaking his head. “Especially not with Lux. She’s so young. And I think she’s begun getting attached to Harry, anyway.”

“I think everybody is getting attached to Harry.”

“He’s a good kid,” Louis says, rubbing his chin. “He’s smart. Kind. Gets on really well with Lux, too.”

Lou nods in agreement. “I don’t plan on leaving you guys any time soon, just for the record. I’m sticking around for a long time. Both of us are, right, Lux?”

The young girl perks up, sits up in the backseat and leans forward towards Louis. “We can stay, right, Louis?” She asks, dragging out the last part of his name.

He glances over his shoulder at her, smiles warmly and nods his head. “You can stay. As long as you promise to pull your weight around here. I expect you hauling firewood and driving cars by the end of the week.”

Lux erupts into giggles, falling back in her seat again. Louis smiles even wider at her excited manner. He can’t believe that even in a world like this, Lux is still so full of life and full of happiness. Louis wonders how much she’s been through since the start of this, if they had any close encounters with people like the ones Louis and Zayn saw at the fence.

“How many have you killed? Walkers, I mean.” He asks.

Lou shrugs. “I don’t really count anymore. A dozen, maybe a few more.”

“What about people?”

She’s quiet for a moment, and Louis usually takes that as a bad thing. She might be counting up the amount of individuals she’s killed, and then her fate with the group hinges on her answer to the next question. “Just one,” Lou says finally. “One person.”

“Why?”

“It was my daddy,” Lux says, bouncing in her seat. “But it’s okay though, mum said she had to do it.”

“She’s right,” Lou nods. “He turned, and I had to. That counts as a person to me, because he was something important to me in the beginning.”

Louis understands. He would feel the same way. Satisfied with the answers, he nods. “Yes, Lux. You can stay.”

 

********

 

A gas station with no gas. Louis can’t think of how stupid that sounds. They’re here, stopped at a gas station because if anyone drives for any longer, it won’t end well. They’ve gotten far from the gated community, continuing up through Georgia towards South Carolina. 

“Sounds like it’s empty,” Niall says, pressing an ear to the door of the building. “But they might be distracted.”

“We should definitely go in. Who knows what’s in there,” Liam says, joining Niall at the door. “Maybe we could use it. Like, maybe there’s… I dunno… gasoline.”

Louis snorts. “That’s wishful thinking.”

“Oh, lighten up,” Perrie says, nudging Louis’ shoulder. “Think positively for once. It won’t kill you.”

“Or maybe it will.” Harry argues. “Then again, maybe it won’t.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Let’s stop standing out here, let’s get in there so we can get out. We have to figure out what we’re doing for the night.”

They manage to break the lock on the door and get it open without having to break the glass and make a shit ton of noise. Louis is thankful for that. He doesn’t have the energy to fight off another herd of walkers, or people, for that matter. With Liam, Leigh-Anne and Perrie keeping watch outside and keeping an eye on Lux, the others head in to look around.

Louis finds copies of Playboy magazine behind the counter and jokingly holds them up to Zayn, who shoves them at Harry. “I can’t believe they’re still here.” Harry says. “Priorities during the apocalypse, eh?”

“Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose,” Louis says under his breath, dropping the magazines back on the floor.

“What? Was that French?” Harry asks, sounding shocked. Louis just nods, picking up a pack of mint gum and opening it. “What does it mean?” Harry continues pressing.

Louis sighs, shoving the gum in his pocket. “The more things change, the more things stay the same. Even though this world is constantly changing, when it comes down to it, everybody is still the same. I bet there's a group of white men somewhere sitting around talking about the last season the Yankees had. There's someone else jacking off to a copy of this.”

“That's… I never thought about it that way.”

“Not many people do. It's not like it matters, anyway.”

There's a shriek suddenly, causing Louis to look around immediately. “We’re okay!” Gemma calls. “There's fucking  _ rats.  _ How are they not dead yet?”

Louis snorts, shaking his head. “All there is to be afraid of in this world and Gem’s afraid of rats.”

“She always has been,” Harry says, opening doors behind the counter. “Ever since we were little, Gemma hated any type of rodent. I do like seeing her afraid of something, though. Reminds me that she hasn't changed that much.”

“We've all changed. Adapted,” Louis tells him, shuffling through a pile of old newspapers. “Ed Sheeran tops charts, breaks records.” he reads aloud.

“I loved Ed Sheeran,” Harry says. “He was so good. I saw him at the O2.” 

“No way, I saw him there too! I saw him at the O2 and some place in Birmingham on his last tour. He was sick.”

“What's your favourite song?”

Louis usually has to think about this for a moment. He typically answers  _ Drunk  _ or  _ Touch and Go  _ or even  _ Nina.  _ But he's looking at Harry, and his mouth spits, “ _ Tenerife Sea.”  _ before he can even think about it.

“I love  _ One,”  _ Harry replies, smiling fondly. He slaps a box of matches on the counter alongside a few canned goods. Louis nods in agreement with Harry’s song selection. He likes that song a lot as well. “There's two packs of cigarettes back here.”

“You're shitting me,” Louis deadpans. There's no way he's this lucky. Harry shakes his head, puts the two boxes up on the counter. “Holy  _ shit.  _ Malik!”

“Yo!” Zayn’s reply comes from the other side of the store. He's at Louis’ side in an instant.

“Styles found these behind the counter. Here you go, sir,” he hands Zayn a pack. The most he can do is share. Karma or something, right? If he gives one pack away that's considered a good deed and something else good will happen to him.

“Awesome. We found an entire case of water. This place is practically a gold mine.”

“Hey guys,” Leigh-Anne sticks her head in the door suddenly. “There was just a gunshot, sounded like it came from a couple miles out. There's smoke going up in the sky. Walkers are gonna come this way, and who knows what people are doing this. We should get moving.”

Lou is out the door in an instant, wanting to get to Lux. Louis knows that Perrie wouldn't let anything happen to Lux, but doesn't blame Lou for wanting to get there. “Alright. Kid, anything else back there?” Louis asks, leaning over the counter to look where Harry’s crouched on the ground. 

Harry shakes his head. “I hope the others found better stuff.”

They reconvene at the cars to briefly go over what was found inside. “We found canned beans and corn. A newspaper with Ed Sheeran’s gorgeous,  _ gorgeous _ face plastered on the cover,” Harry says dramatically, holding the newspaper up for display. Everybody laughs, and Gemma rolls her eyes. Louis catches the fondness when she does it. “Also cigarettes and Playboy, but we left the Playboy behind.”

“We found much more valuable items,” Niall says proudly. “An entire case of brand new, unopened water bottles. Twenty four of them. Also an entire bag of chips. And… Gemma, wanna show them?”

Gemma rolls her eyes. “We haven’t got enough time to be so dramatic. We found a box of ammo.”

“Sick,” Liam nods approvingly. “Let’s get a move on here. Where are we headed?”

“Keep going for South Carolina. We’re already almost there. If we stay on 85…” Perrie pauses, pulling out the map.

“Oh, shit. I’m gonna go see if I can find some more of those,” Harry says. “It’s a gas station, they always sell them there, don’t they?”

“I’ll come with you,” Leigh-Anne says.

Perrie lays the map on the hood of the minivan and points to route 85. “This will take us through South Carolina into North Carolina, right to Charlotte. But I think we should break off here,” She points to road labeled 385, “and go for Columbia, South Carolina’s capital. The capitals are where they’d set up shelters, safe houses.”

“You’ve really thought this through, haven’t you, Edwards?” Louis hums, nodding. “Sounds like a plan. Anybody object?”

The others shake their heads. “Alright. Columbia, here we come.” Gemma says. “Go get Harry and Leigh?” She casts her gaze at Louis, who nods.

“You can get in the car, I’ll be right out,” he tells Lou, who heads toward the Jeep with Lux without being told twice.

Louis turns and goes back into the gas station, where Leigh-Anne and Harry are nowhere to be found. “Leigh? Harry?” He calls, heading towards the back. He nudges the back door open the rest of the way. “Styles, you better get your ass over here. I’m not messing around, kid.”

There’s a noise from around the corner, causing Louis to draw his gun immediately. “Hey, hey,” Harry is the one who rounds the corner, his hands up. “We found cans of gasoline. Four of them, practically filled to the brim. Sitting back here by an old pickup. I don’t think we should take the trunk, just the gas.”

“Did you find maps? That’s what you came here for.”

Leigh-Anne comes up next to Harry, wielding a handful of papers that Louis assumes to be maps. “Fabulous. We’ve gotta get going. Take the gas and lets go.”

“Bossy pants,” Harry mutters under his breath. “What crawled up your ass?”

“A fucking zombie apocalypse crawled up my ass, Harold. Three men wielding machine guns and extra ammo crawled up my ass. The fire and gunshots in the distance crawled up my ass. I don’t want to stick around here.”

Harry purses his lips, takes a breath. “Alright. Let’s go.”

They load up in the cars and take off down the road. In the back seat, Lou opens one of the maps and tries to find their location. “How come you insist on driving ahead of everyone, even though Perrie is clearly the master navigator?” Lou asks. “Alright, I found route 85. We just gotta take it straight through.”

“I think there must be some sort of CDC type thing in Carolina, right? I know we bypassed the CDC here in Georgia because there’s no way in hell that survived. But there must be something.”

“A health and sanitation department, or something. I’d think it’d be near Columbia.” Lou says.

“Do you see it on the map?”

Louis sees her shake her head in the rearview mirror. “Damn. I’m sure we’ll see signs for it, though, right?” She asks, sounding hopeful.

“I suppose so.”

**  
** _ HARRY _

 

They stop just outside of Greenville, a little town on the edge of 385. “Home for the night,” Louis states, pushing himself up onto the hood of the jeep he’d been driving. “I’ll take first watch.” 

“I will, too.” Harry volunteers. He wants to talk to Louis. It’s been quite a while since the kiss, and since he’s talked to Louis about anything in general. He feels like they see things the same way.

Everyone settles in, either inside or on top of their cars. “We really nailed it at that gas station earlier,” Harry says, sitting up on the hood of the truck next to Louis. “Found a lot of good stuff.”

“You left gasoline in that pickup you and Leigh found, didn’t you?” Louis asks softly, much to Harry’s surprise.

“Yeah, I did.” He admits, unwilling to lie.

Louis nods. “I figured you would. It’s… I don’t know, good. That you’re still able to do that. You still have a heart. Gives me a little bit of hope, I suppose. I see it in Lux, too.”

“Lux is a good girl. I hate that she has to grow up like this. It makes me sick to my stomach.”

Louis doesn’t say anything, and for a moment Harry assumes that he’s shut off. Louis doesn’t open up and talk for very long each time, Harry has come to learn. “I’m sorry I was such a dick this morning. I just wanted to get out of there. I don’t want confrontation.”

“You were scared. I haven’t known you for a long amount of time, by any means. But in the short amount of time that I have gotten to know you, I know that you're not one to show your emotions. You are emotionally constipated,” he says with a smile, happy to coax a laugh out of Louis. “And I can't decide if that will help you thrive in this world or just end up hurting you. But you were scared today, I do know that. You were scared because you didn't know what was coming.”

“I wasn't scared,” Louis mumbles, using his knife to carve scratches in the jeep’s paint. “I just wanted to get out of there. I don't want anything to happen to Zayn or Perrie or Leigh or Liam or Niall or Gemma or Lou and Lux or… you. Especially you, Harry.”

Harry sighs, resting his head on Louis’ shoulder without really thinking about it. “I don't want anything to happen to you either,” he admits softly. It's true. It's probably the most true thing Harry has said in a long time. “See, emotions. They're completely normal, even in this world.”

Louis lets out a laugh. “Good to know, kid. Good to know.”

 

********

 

“DHEC. Department of Health and Environmental Control,” Niall reads from the sign as they pass. “Possibly home for a while.” 

“I don't think we’ll stay.” Harry admits, shaking his head.  

“Why not?” Leigh-Anne asks.

He shrugs. “I don't know. Louis didn't seem keen on staying here, and Gem didn't either.”

“I guess we’ll have to find out.” Liam sighs.

They're very disappointed to find a bunch of walkers wandering outside of the DHEC. “We have company. Fantastic.” Leigh-Anne says. The three cars come to a stop, alongside each other, and roll the windows down.

“We can make it,” Louis says, leaning over the passenger seat. “There’s not that many. Hand to hand, we can make it in.”

“What about Lux?” Harry counters.

Louis squints at him. “We can keep her safe. Are we going or not?”

“I don’t see why not. We’ve got to try to get in,” Gemma says, staring ahead at the DHEC. “Who knows what’s in there.”

So, they park a safe distance away and pocket keys, take bags and head towards the building with their knives drawn. Lux opts for walking, which makes Harry extremely nervous. Louis goes ahead of Lou and Lux, but keeps them both close. Harry puts his knife through a walker’s skull and mentions that they should pick up the pace, to which Gemma agrees. They reach the doors, and Harry prays to  _ God  _ that they open.

Louis, Niall and Zayn all tug on the glass doors, trying to get them to open. “Locked?” Harry asks.

“No shit, sherlock,” Louis mumbles.

“Hey, look,” Perrie says, pointing up at a security camera. “It moved.”

“Yeah, sometimes security cameras move, Pezza.” Louis retorts.

“Please stop being a dick,” Harry pleads. “We need to get in. Hey, if there’s somebody in there please open the doors!”

“I’m sure that’ll work,” Liam sighs. “There’s gotta be another way in.”

“I’ll go check around the corner,” Louis says, already taking off.

Gemma steps forward and tugs on the door, letting out a shocked sound when it opens. “Oh shit,” she mutters. “Guys, it opened.”

Harry ushers Lou and Lux towards the door and inside. Everyone else files in. Harry watches Louis fall ahead of the group, along with Gemma, guns drawn.

“Hey, wait,” a voice says suddenly. “If you’re coming in I need you to put your weapons down. I’m not going to hurt you.”

Louis looks over his shoulder at the rest of the group, meets Harry’s eyes. Harry nods slightly, lowers his gun back to his waistband. Everyone else slowly puts their weapons away, Lou picks Lux up off the ground and holds her close.

“Keep going, down the hallway. I’ll meet you at the glass doors.”

They continue down the hallway, stopping when they see a man on the other side of said glass doors. “I’m Harry,” he says, stepping forward. “We’re good people. And… we’ve been on the road for a long time. If you could let us in,  _ please,  _ that would be so, so amazing.”

“I’m James,” the man replies, opening the doors. “I was going to let you in anyway, but that speech was endearing and I like a good convincing argument, so now you’re definitely welcome.”

“Nice job, kid,” Louis complements, clapping Harry on the shoulder. “In we go.”

“I didn’t work here, before you ask me that question. My wife and I figured this was a good, safe place. What’re your names?”

“I’m Harry, and this is my sister, Gemma,” he points. “And that’s Liam, Niall, Zayn, Leigh-Anne, Taylor, Perrie and Louis. The little girl is Lux, and her mum Lou.”

James leads the group to a kitchen, where a woman stands over the small stove cooking something. “Julia, I let those people in.”

“James, I told you not to let anybody in this place. We talked about this so, so many times,” the woman says angrily, startling Harry a bit. She turns, but her expression immediately softens at the sight of them all. “Ratty bunch you are, huh?”

“We’ve been out for a long time,” Gemma replies. “Thank you for letting us in.”

Julia hums, still clearly assessing the bunch. “Are we gonna let them shower? I don’t feed people who look like they’re straight out of the neolithic era.”

“Shower?” Lou asks excitedly.

“Tub!” Lux cries, even more alert now.

“No tub, darling, but showers, yes. Don’t use up all the hot water. James, honey, take them down, would you?”

Everybody is the happiest Harry has seen them in ages. James leaves towels after showing everyone to the showers, which are small and clearly not meant for grime and dirt, more for exposure to chemicals or germs that require a quick washing. But they’re left with soap and shampoo and  _ this  _ is surely the greatest thing Harry’s gotten in a long time.

He watches the dirt go down the drain and stays in there under the hot water for far too long. He can hear somebody humming further down in another stall, and can hear Lux rambling on and on about the shower. He washes all the dirt off of himself and does an extra good job on his hair before finally turning the water off. Towel around his waist, Harry heads down to the room James pointed out to them earlier to get changed into something else.

He walks right in on Louis, shirtless and still slightly wet from the shower as he digs through one of the duffle bags. “I think we brought too many clothes,” Louis says, clearly not caring who the other person in the room is, just looking to share his opinion. “Underwear are all we really need.”

“We're gonna go, like, full Tarzan, then? Just wear our underwear.”

Louis glances over his shoulder, seemingly unfazed by seeing Harry in this state. “Oh, it's you,” he says simply, looking back down at the duffle. “And, no. I think you're the only one here looking the part for Tarzan. Plus we need warmth, anyway. I also don't want to get my balls gnawed off by walkers.”

Harry lets out a laugh. “That was nice of James to let us use the shower. And Julia is cooking dinner. They seem secure here.”

Louis nods, tossing a clothing item at Harry. “I found that in the community, when the girls went through all those clothes. Gemma said something to me once about you preferring Green Bay over Seattle, and they happened to have this. I picked it up for you.”

Harry holds the jacket up, pleased with the green colouring and Packers logo embroidered. “Thank you,” he says softly. He can't believe Louis can be like this. His attitude changes miraculously fast.

He doesn't say anything in reply, which Harry recognises to be Louis shutting off. No more emotions. “You're welcome,” he says finally. “I just thought you should have it. No big deal, really.”

Harry smiles. Until Louis moves and pulls a shirt on, Harry completely forgot about the fact that they're both standing here in practically nothing. “I'll see you at dinner, I guess.”

When Julia says dinner, she means  _ dinner.  _ Meat and pasta and  _ wine.  _ Fucking  _ wine.  _ And beer, which all of the men opt for (except Harry. He appreciates his wine, thank you very much).

“How is it?” Louis asks, staring at Harry’s wine glass after they've finished eating. Leigh-Anne is telling some wild story about what it was like while she was on her own, to which everyone is listening very carefully.

“It's good. What about yours?”

Louis nods. “Nice to have some alcohol. I've missed it greatly.”

Harry hums in agreement, studying Louis’ face carefully. He didn't shave when Taylor found the razors, Harry notes. “Why didn't you shave when Taylor found the razors?” he asks, barely even thinking about it.

Louis shrugs, finishing his beer and setting the empty bottle on the table. “I didn’t think I wanted to. Why, should I?”

“I’ve never seen you without the beard,” Harry says softly, reaching up and touching his fingertips to Louis’ scruffy cheek.

Louis doesn’t move, let’s Harry touch him for a moment. “How much wine have you had to drink, kid?” He asks finally, but Harry catches his lips turning up into a smile.

“Not that much,” Harry replies, smiling back. “A glass or two. I plan on having more, though. Liam and Gem are already drunk. I’m getting drunk too.”

“Sounds like a good idea. Do you really want me to shave?”

“Everybody else did. Except Zayn, but I don’t really care about seeing him with or without a beard.”

“I didn’t ask about everybody else, Harold. I asked about  _ you.” _

Harry swirls the wine around in his glass, nodding his head. “Yeah, I do.”

“Alright, I will. You get drunk, I’ll shave.”

Harry smiles to himself as Louis walks away. Niall pours more wine into Harry’s glass, yelling about how this is a “fucking celebration” for no apparent reason. Zayn plops down next to Harry a while later, inquiring about Louis. Harry replies that Louis went to shave, which makes  Zayn make a surprised noise.

“I didn’t think he was going to shave that shit off. What made him change his mind?”

“I asked him to,” Harry replies simply, shrugging. Zayn snorts, seemingly disbelieving. “What?”

“I just… Louis doesn’t listen to people. Especially about something on his own body, his fucking facial hair. He just does what he wants to, he doesn’t care about what other people think.”

“I’m special,” Harry grins. “He listens to me. All the time, he cares what I think.”

“I know you’re special,” Zayn whispers. “He’s different with you. A good different, though. At least I think.”

Harry downs the rest of his wine and stands up. “I’m going to bed. Thank you so much for letting us stay, James, Julia. It means the world, really.”

He bids everyone farewell and heads down the hall to where he’s been told to sleep. Louis is sitting in there as well, settling into his bed area in the corner of the room. Perrie is already curled up and passed out, other than that the room is empty.

Something about Louis is different, and it takes Harry’s slightly tipsy brain a minute to figure it out. He shaved, and Harry quite likes it. “Looks good,” he says, dropping down on the floor next to Louis. “Thank you for doing it.”

Louis shrugs, sliding his knife under his makeshift pillow and leaving the gun beside it. Harry reaches forward, scoots a little closer, to feel Louis’ cheek. “I like it. A lot.”

He shrugs again, laying down. Harry frowns. “What's wrong?”

“Tired. Worried.”

“You don't like it here, do you?” Harry asks, laying down as well, facing Louis.

“It seems too good to be true. This can't last, Harry. There's no way.”

“So then I guess we should enjoy it while it does, right? The wine and the beer and the hot showers and the food. Lux was so happy in that shower today. It was incredible.”

“They were small, but they were bloody amazing, weren't they?”

Harry nods, smiling. “And you got to shave. I like your face smooth.”

“How drunk are you?” Louis whispers.

Hardly drunk, really. Half of these advances and words and tones are results of some beautiful wine, the other half are completely sober. “Not that drunk.”

“Go to sleep.”

Sleep happens a lot faster than Harry thought it would.

 

********

 

Harry feels the bed dip, but doesn’t think anything of it. Fingertips trace his face for a moment before lips press against his own. Harry opens his eyes, greeted by Louis hovering over him. “Mmm. Morning,” he murmurs. “What’re you doin’, Lou?”

Louis smiles, breaking out into a grin as he straddles Harry’s waist. “I’m waking you up, that’s what.”

“It’s too early,” Harry admits, rubbing his eyes.

Louis shrugs. “How come you’re on my side of the bed?”

“Missed you. Woke up and you were gone.”

“I went for a run. I missed you, though.”

Harry smiles up at him. Louis leans down and kisses Harry again, slow this time. He shifts his weight so he’s more evenly over Harry and  _ yes  _ this is going just the way Harry wants it to. Another moment later and Louis is humming into the kiss, and Harry definitely knows they’ll get where he wants.

It’s perfect, perfect--

And then he wakes up. A fucking dream. Harry knew it was too good to be true. He can feel another body pressed against his, which is odd. Harry shifts and rolls over, nearly screaming when he’s face to face with Louis. He pushes himself away and sits up, which makes Louis stir. The boy reaches a hand out for Harry, clearly wanting to pull him closer again.

Harry sighs, looking around the room. Zayn and Taylor are both up as well, getting dressed and watching Harry closely. Zayn smirks at him, knowingly, which Harry glares at him for. “Sleep well, Styles?” He asks softly, still smirking.

Harry finally gets up, looks back at Louis. “Why’re you waking up so early?” Louis asks softly. “I was comfy.”

“Yeah, well I’ve got to piss and I’ve got a patch of drool on my shirt.”

“You drooled on me too. So we’re even.” Louis replies, voice slightly muffled by the pillow as he turns his face into it.

Harry lets out a laugh, shaking his head. He heads to the door, trying to ignore Zayn and Taylor staring at him. “Julia made breakfast. Actual breakfast, and it’s amazing.” Taylor tells him.

“Awesome. Can't wait.”

In the kitchen, Gemma, Niall, Perrie and Liam are already sat around the table, Gemma with a bottle of Advil sat in front of her. “Rough night?” He asks, sitting down next to her.

Gemma glares at him. “Shut  _ up.  _ You had an interesting night as well, based on what Perrie told me earlier.”

“It was  _ nothing.  _ Meant nothing, is nothing, will be nothing. We fell asleep. What’s our plan?” Harry asks, reaching forward and grabbing a bagel. (A  _ bagel!) _

“I think we should continue into Columbia. Then if we don’t hit anything there, backtrack up 77 to Charlotte, North Carolina.” Perrie says. “Check Charlotte’s airport, maybe. In one of these major cities we’re bound to hit  _ something.” _

“Why can’t we stay here, again?” Niall asks.

“Louis doesn’t want to,” Harry says simply, shrugging. “He doesn’t want to stay in one place.” 

“And does our entire fate hinges on what Louis wants to do? I understand you like him, Harry. But is wandering around a country that we don’t know very well what’s best for us? Maybe he’s going to get us-” Niall cuts off when he sees the look on Harry’s face. He’s looking at Louis, who’s tired and smooth-faced and wearing different clothes than Harry remembers him sleeping in.

“Going to get you killed?” Louis fills in. “If that’s what you think, then you’re welcome to stay here. James and Julia are good people, and I’m forever grateful that they’ve welcomed us in here. But big dinners and gourmet breakfasts only last so long. Hot water only lasts so long. And when people come here, just like we did, they’ll want it and they’ll go to extreme measures to take it. I don’t want to be here for any of that.”

“We can’t avoid conflict forever,” Liam points out.

“I know that,” Louis says calmly. Harry can tell that he’s really, really trying his cool. “Like I said, if you don’t want to come, then don’t come. Zayn and Taylor are already on board with leaving, and I’m assuming that means Perrie is coming too. Stay here if you want to. But we’re leaving. I’m talking to James, and then we’re leaving.”

“I’m going.” Harry says suddenly. Gemma looks at him, wide eyed. “He’s right. Louis is only thinking about what’s better for us as a whole.”

“How the hell do you know that  _ this  _ is what’s better, Harry?” Gemma exclaims. “I see the whole romantic gesture, following your lover in whatever he wants to do but you can’t let that cloud your judgement.”

“It’s not clouding my judgement! And we’re not lovers or romantic or whatever you're thinking. This makes the most sense to me. We’ve been talking about stopping in Charlotte for a while, Gem.”

Gemma sighs. She looks at Liam, who shrugs. “He hasn’t hurt us yet.”

Harry catches Louis’ gaze, and Louis nods his head slightly in thanks. Harry nods back, looking at his bagel. “Come with me? To talk to James.” Louis says suddenly. “You’re very persuasive. Convincing. And he likes you.”

Harry nods, standing up. They head down the hallway silently, finding James at the end, coming out of the room where the showers are. “Can we talk for a moment?” Louis asks.

James nods. “Is there something wrong?”

“No, nothing wrong. We’re very, very grateful that you let us stay here for the night. For the food and for the showers-”

“But you’re not staying,” James cuts him off, folding his arms over his chest. “I know, trust me.”

“How?” Harry asks. “How do you know?”

“I can just tell. You guys were on the road for so long, and judging by what I’ve been told and what I’ve heard, you’re meant to be back on the road again. You mentioned DC, right? The only way you’re going to get there is to keep on moving. I understand completely. Can I get you anything for the road?”

“Some food, if you can. Not a lot, just a bit to hold us over for a few days.” Harry says. “Maybe… long shot here, but do you have any gasoline?”

James smiles, nodding. “I’ll see what I can do. See what Julia is okay with giving up. Even now, she’s still the boss.”

When they’re finally ready to leave, they take their things and gather by the door. The walkers have spread out, meaning they’re not all crowded anywhere near the exit, which is a stroke of luck, one Harry knows they may never get again. James is sending them off with a bottle of red wine and a bottle of rum, a bag full of canned goods and a few extra bottles of water. Harry’s never had rum, but Louis insists that he’ll love it. Zayn backs him up on it, which means it must be good. Once they settle down, Gemma promises that they’ll  _ definitely  _ get drunk again. 

“Alright. We move quick, we move quiet. No nonsense. Keep an eye on Lux.” Gemma says, staring directly at Harry.

“Don’t look at me like that. I know what I’m doing.” Harry frowns. She still doesn’t trust him. Harry can’t tell if that makes him angry or just offended.

 


	7. Right Now I Wanna See It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from Zayn Malik's "BoRdErZ"

_ LOUIS _ **_._ **

 

Louis is tired. Tired of driving. He might fall asleep. Which is why he's so, so grateful when they finally reach Charlotte and everything starts to become populated again. 

Gemma pulls over on the side of the highway, a place seemingly clear of walkers. “It's getting later, I don't know if we want to go all the way into the city and through that whole clear a building routine. Maybe just crash here on the side for tonight, start early tomorrow morning.”

“I’d like for this to be the last time we have to sleep in a car for a while,” Taylor admits. “If we find something good here, I don't think we should leave.”

“We’ll see. It has to be good. Really good.” Liam says. “But I don't see a problem in staying.”

Zayn talks Louis out of the first shift, which hasn’t happened in a long time. Not since they first started out on the road. He reclines the seat in the jeep, and manages to fall asleep with a somewhat comfortable sweatshirt balled up under his head. The next time he wakes up, the sky is beginning to get an orangey tint to it, signaling morning.  

Sighing, Louis quietly gets out of the car so he doesn’t disturb Lou and Lux, and walks off to smoke a cigarette. Perrie would yell at him, which is why Louis hopes she’s not taking her shift right now.

He can see Harry further down at the van, taking his watch shift. Louis turns his back to Harry, looks off across the way to the other side. Then there’s a groan and a bang. Louis whips around, and he wants to puke when he sees what’s going on. There’s a man, just one, arm around Harry with a blade pressed to his throat.

“Hey!” Louis calls, pulling out his gun and beginning to walk closer.  _ Can’t puke now, Tomlinson. Not now. _

“Put the gun down or I’ll cut his throat.” The man demands. “Don’t come any closer. I want one of your cars, and I want your supplies. All of them.”

“I’m not-”

“Louis,” Harry grits out. “We can get shit again.”

“I’m not giving anything up,” Louis says firmly.

The man must press the knife in deeper, because Harry gasps, his eyes blown even wider.

Louis does the one thing he can think to do. He takes a shot, hitting the man in the arm. He curses, Harry stumbles from his grasp and Louis is there in a split second. He tosses the knife away and is  _ punching  _ like it’s the only thing he knows how to do. How  _ dare  _ this douchebag come up here with a fucking knife and demand their supplies. How  _ dare  _ he think that they’d give them up. How  _ dare  _ he touch Harry, hold a knife to his throat and threaten to  _ kill him  _ if supplies weren’t given up.

He doesn’t notice how long or hard he’s been going, or the ache in hands until someone is physically pulling Louis off of the man. “Let me go,” he demands. “Let me fucking kill him,  _ please.” _

“We don’t do that, Louis,” Zayn replies, holding Louis firmly to his chest. “He didn’t hurt anyone, he didn’t take anything.”

“He fucking took Harry and held a knife to his throat. I should fucking  _ kill  _ him.”

“Just sit here. Don’t go anywhere, don’t kill anyone.” Zayn says, leaning Louis against the hood of the Honda.

Louis stares down at his bloody, bruising hands. Someone else’s hands are there suddenly, examining Louis’. He looks up, a bit surprised to see Harry standing there. “They should be bandaged up. Cleaned up a bit, too. You didn’t break either one of them, but you definitely broke him.”

“What’re we gonna do with him?” Louis asks lowly, looking over to where the others are, clearly debating what to do.

“I don’t know. Right now I think we should figure out what to do with you. Stay here, I’m going to grab one of the first aid kits we put together.”

Louis nods, biting hard on his bottom lip. He can’t believe that guy. Louis hopes it was just him, he hopes he doesn’t have a group. Staying in Columbia is seemingly less appealing now that Louis knows there could be more of them.

Harry comes back and sets the first aid kit on the hood of the car beside Louis. “Liam, Leigh-Anne, Niall and Gemma are going to set up a perimeter and keep us guarded on all four sides. From people and walkers. Zayn, Taylor and Perrie are all watching over that guy. You knocked him out.”

“He shouldn't have fucking done that.”

“You, like, saved my life,” Harry says, carefully touching the antiseptic wipe to Louis’ knuckle. 

“That burns,” Louis remarks. “I’m fine, really.”

“You saved my life. Let me bandage your hands.”

Louis sighs. Harry is unrelenting. Louis would be lying if he said he didn't admire it in some way. Harry wraps Louis’ knuckles and tells him not to go around punching people anymore. Louis replies that he can’t make any promises.

“You saved my life,” Harry says again, his hands over Louis’. “You saved my life. That guy had a knife to my throat and was going to… but you were there and you shot him in the arm and you saved me.”

Louis hears the shaky, sharp inhale of breath from Harry and finally looks at him. His eyes are welling up with tears, and, fuck, Louis can’t have him cry. “Please don’t cry.” is all he says.  _ Good job, Louis. He’s cured.  _ “Harry, fuck. I-of course I did. I had to. Gemma would’ve killed  _ me  _ if I let him kill  _ you.” _

Harry lets out a wet laugh. He sniffles, finally taking his hands off of Louis’. “Thank you for beating that guy up.”

“I didn’t just do it for Gemma. I did it for you and for me, too.”

“I know.” Harry whispers back. Okay, this is fine, Louis reasons. They care about each other.

“We should get going!” Zayn calls.

Louis looks over to where they are, surprised to see that the unconscious man has been secured to a traffic sign. “We’re gonna leave him here, aren't we?” Harry asks.

“Looks like it.”

Harry nods. “Okay. Let's get going.”

Louis heads over to the Jeep, where Lou is in the driver’s seat. “What’re you doing?” Louis asks. “I’m driving.”

“I can drive for a while. Get in the back with Lux. Backseat. Now.”

Lou is not a force to be reckoned with. Louis gets into the backseat, much to Lux’s enjoyment. “You saved Harry’s life. And probably all of our lives.” Lou says.

“That guy shouldn't have done that. He was going to hurt us, and I wasn't going to let that happen.”

“He was going to hurt Harry,” Lou replies.

Louis goes to reply, but Lux lays her head down in Louis’ lap suddenly, making herself as comfortable as she can in the confines of the backseat. “Yes, he was going to hurt Harry,” Louis says finally, having adjusted from the shock of having Lux lay down on him like that, so naturally, as if she’s known him forever. “And I wasn’t going to let that happen. If anyone gets hurt when I have the opportunity to stop it, I’ll never forgive myself.”

“Like what happened with Jesy,” Lou says thoughtfully. Louis hasn't really thought about what happened to Jesy and Nick ever since it happened. He tries not to. “Gemma told me what happened, and I know you won’t admit it, but you blame yourself. Because from what she says, you were all there in the herd–”

“And it got out of control and I couldn’t focus on everyone at the same time. She got caught up in it. I should’ve been there. I could’ve helped her. I should have focused more on  _ Jesy  _ and less on…” he trails off, not knowing what he should have focused less on. Himself? Harry? The walkers surrounding him?

“I understand. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. Or to anyone. I get it. You don’t want it to happen again. Especially to Harry.”

“To anyone.” Louis whispers. Lou doesn’t say anything in reply, and that’s the end of the conversation.

They drive further into Columbia, following signs that take them right to City Hall. “Hm.” Lou hums thoughtfully.

Everybody parks a little ways down the street from the entrance There's hardly any walkers in the vicinity, which Louis finds odd. He's not complaining, just noting the lack of dead — or undead, he figures. Whatever.

Lux, still practically asleep, refuses to get off of Louis and get out of the car. Louis adapts, scooping her up so she can rest her head on his shoulder. They meet at the minivan.

“How come there's no walkers?” Louis asks immediately.

“How come you're holding the child?” Zayn counters.

“Bigger questions on the table, Malik.”

“We can’t stand around out here. The fact that there’s not any walkers around here is slightly alarming to me, but I guess we should try to take advantage of it.” Gemma says, staring up at City Hall. “We should just go in. Cars locked, everyone has the keys? Let’s get out of the open.”

The group heads inside, Louis still carrying Lux despite how inhibiting it may be. “You got her?” Harry asks, holding the door open for Louis.

“Why the hell is the door open like that?” Louis murmurs. “Lux, love, can you get up on my back?”

Lux hums, nodding. “H, help me a little?” Louis asks, looking over at Harry. Harry nods, helping Lux get her grip around Louis’ neck. “Just follow a little behind us, make sure she doesn’t fall or anything.”

Harry does so. They all make their way through the building carefully, quietly. Louis is suspicious. He’s suspicious of this place. There’s no walkers, the doors were unlocked.

“Hey!” Someone shouts. They can’t see where the voice is coming from. Lou immediately looks back to ensure that Lux is safe.

“I got her. She’s okay.” Louis assures, reaching for his gun.

“What’s wrong?” Lux asks, fully alert now.

“Nothing,” Harry tells her. “We’re gonna play a game, though. The quiet game. And you need to keep your head against Louis’ shoulder, okay?”

Louis feels Lux lay her head down on his shoulder. He keeps one hand on his gun and the other hand on her leg to help keep her up. “Stop walking!”

“It’s coming from the speakers. The PA system,” Taylor says softly.

“Look,” Zayn points up towards a security camera on the wall. “They can see us.”

“Don't stop walking,” Gemma says. Louis can see her grip her gun tighter to stop her hand from shaking. He looks over his shoulder at Harry, who isn't shaking in the slightest.

“I said stop walking, oh my God,” the voice sighs heavily into the microphone, causing a static sound to come through the speakers.  “Please just stop walking. El’s about ready to shoot you.”

Louis can see movement in the window of a conference room. He can’t go any further with Lux like this. “There’s somebody in that conference room,” Liam says, pointing. Louis knows this already.

“I’ll take Lux,” Lou says, already taking her off of Louis’ back. He rolls his shoulders to get out the slight ache, then holds up his gun.

Louis stays close to Lou and Lux still, not even falling to the front of the group like he normally would. He knows that he can’t keep his eye on everyone, so he focuses mainly on Lou and Lux. Especially Lux, because she’s just a little girl. Louis would never, ever forgive himself if something bad happened to her.

The conference room door opens suddenly, a woman with dark hair comes out of the conference room with her gun up. “Hey! Put it down,” Gemma demands. Louis is  _ sure _ that will work.

“Listen, I really don’t want to shoot anybody.” The brown haired woman says. “My day is going great. I don’t want to have to clean any blood up off the floor.”

Louis hopes that this woman’s blood is the only blood on the floor when they’re done here. The woman takes steps forward to reach the group and puts her own gun down. Louis arches his eyebrows. “Like I said, I don’t want to hurt anyone. Really, I don’t. Let’s just… handle this civilly.”

Nobody handles anything in a civil way anymore. The encounter with that guy Louis beat up really shows that for him.

“What do you say we figure this out calmly, yeah?” The girl suggests. “Seriously, I don’t want any trouble. But, you should remember,  _ you  _ came in here where  _ we  _ were first. You are in our territory.”

Shit, she’s right. Louis keeps his mouth shut. “Louis… what should we do?” Harry whispers. “Tell me something, please. We’re stuck.”

What? Is Harry-what? Louis’ thoughts are going far too fast. “I don’t know,” Louis whispers, keeping his eyes focused on Lux. He can’t look at Harry otherwise he’ll get distracted. “We don’t really have a choice, do we?”

It all happens very slowly. The brown haired woman introduces herself as Eleanor, she comes closer and asks to see all of their weapons. Louis is surprised when Eleanor doesn’t take away their weapons, she just asks them to put them away. She leads them down a long hallway while carrying on a conversation with Liam and Gemma. Louis doesn’t really hear everything that she says.

Eleanor takes them to a big room with the walls clearly sloppily knocked down to make the room even bigger. There’s computers around the room with the security feeds up on them and another woman sitting there. Eleanor lets them sit down as she does.

“You said your name was Gemma, right?” she points. “And you're Liam. Can I get everyone else's names? And maybe a little backstory, too, this way we know what – who – we’re dealing with.”

Louis snaps out of  _ whatever  _ he was in then, introducing himself first. “I’m Louis. I was traveling with Zayn, Perrie and Taylor before we got split up. Then we met the rest of them.”

“Right. The rest of them,” Gemma rolls her eyes. She quickly introduces everyone else. Louis watches Eleanor carefully. She just nods and says hello to each person. “You seem to be doing really well here. Your front doors are unlocked, though.”

“Shit. Andy isn't back yet?” Eleanor turns around to the girl at the security cameras. She shakes her head. “Sophia, where the hell is he?”

“I don’t know. He’ll be back soon.” the woman at the computer, Sophia, replies. “I don’t think we should worry that much.”

“The last time we didn’t worry that much it was when Danielle went out, and she hasn’t come back,” Eleanor sighs, frustrated.

Louis arches his eyebrows at this. “She never came back?”

Eleanor shakes her head. “We still don’t know what happened. Where she went, who she might have become.” 

“What she might have become,” Louis says softly. Eleanor looks at him carefully. Then she nods. “How long have you guys been here for?”

“It’s June, this started in December… We got here in March.”

“It’s June?” Harry asks. Louis hasn’t known what month or day it is for, well, months, apparently. He lost track a long time ago. Eleanor nods. “June what? We lost track of days ages ago.”

Sophia leans over and looks at something on the desk, presumably a calendar of some sort. “Twentieth. Wednesday.”

Louis lets out a low whistle. “Alright, now we can start keeping track of the days again.” 

“It’s about damn time,” Zayn laughs, shaking his head. “We’ve been on the road out there for too long.”

“Where are you headed?” Eleanor asks, studying Louis carefully.

“We’ve been moving for DC,” Gemma replies. “We figure they must have places and stuff. Maybe even be working on a cure up there.”

Eleanor and Sophia exchange a glance. Louis’ eyebrows draw together. “What? What is it?” Eleanor shrugs, shakes her head. “It’s gone.” Louis concludes.

“What? What do you mean it’s gone?” Harry smacks his arm, demanding more answers. He turns to Eleanor. “DC is gone?”

She nods this time. “We came from there. We were on a trip, sightseeing. DC fell right at the start of this.”

“Well, shit.” Liam grumbles, sitting back in his seat.

This throws their entire plan out the window. Louis, Zayn, Perrie, Taylor and Jesy were talking about DC ever since this began. Jesy wanted  _ so  _ badly to get there, she had so much faith in it. She thought there would be people working on medicine and safe places.

Taylor sighs heavily, resting her chin on her hand. “I think we should get drunk off of the alcohol James and Julia gave us.” she says.

“Wait, you met James?” Sophia asks suddenly, eyes wide.

“At the DHEC. Why?”

“We met them too, a long time ago. They're okay?”

Niall nods. “They've got it made over there.”

Eleanor and Sophia agree to let the group spend the night, and then decide what they want to do in the morning. Everybody settles in the giant makeshift room, sleeping bags and blankets and alcohol. Louis stays rather near the door, it makes him feel like he has more control over a situation. At least the potential to have more control, anyway.

The alcohol is passed around along with paper cups, shared with Eleanor and Sophia and this person Andy when he returns, shocked to find the group but accepting towards them.

Louis keeps to himself and avoids the group conversation and entertainment provided by Lux. Harry comes over and sits down next to him, which Louis doesn't mind.

“Will you let me look at your knuckles again? Clean them and re-wrap? Andy was telling me they've got running water in the sinks for now, it could help,” Harry says.

Louis nods, staring at the rum in his plastic cup. “Yeah, okay.”

“I’ll grab a first aid kit. The bathroom is out the door and to the right. There's a sign. I’ll meet you there?”

Louis nods again. Before he leaves the room, he lets Perrie fill up his cup more. He takes note of the hallway he's walking in. Everything seems clean. There's no walkers, it's quiet. The sun is still in the sky, but for some reason Louis doesn't mind the fact that they're sitting inside drinking rum and not moving further. It feels nice to stop and rest and not have to constantly move. Harry already has the first aid kit open on the counter in the dull bathroom, lit only by the sunlight coming through a small window.

“What do you think of them?” he asks.

Louis pushes himself up onto the counter and shrugs. “They're nice. They let us stay. They've got their feet on the ground and know what they're doing.”

“Do you want to stay?” Harry presses, beginning to unwrap Louis’ left hand.

Louis thinks for a moment, taking another sip of his drink. “Maybe for a little while, we could. They're all tech here. It seems safe.”

Harry nods slowly, wetting a paper towel with warm water from the faucet before pressing it gently onto Louis’ hand to wipe away some of the blood that has dried. “I’m gonna use more of the antibiotic stuff to keep it clean. I don't want it getting infected or anything. An infection isn't a very glorious, heroic way to go out in a world like this.”

“What makes you think I want to go out gloriously and heroically?” Louis quirks an eyebrow.

Harry shrugs. “You're all group leader-y and beat up men and firm and seem generally heroic.”

“Leader-y,” Louis lets out a laugh as Harry moves onto his right hand. “Nice word choice, kid.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “You know exactly what I mean.”

Louis watches Harry’s face carefully as he cleans and re-wraps Louis’ hand. Eyebrows drawn together in concentration, eyes as green as ever, hands not shaking the slightest as he works.

“You're drinking rum, right?” Harry asks suddenly, looking up at Louis, who nods. “Can I try it? You said I’d like it.”

He hands the drink over without any hesitation. Harry makes a face as it goes down, but voices that he doesn't mind it, to which Louis laughs and accuses him of lying. “I’m not lying,” Harry pouts, watching Louis take another sip.

“Yeah, okay,” Louis laughs, staring at Harry’s lips. “I’m, uh… thank you, for the hand thing. You didn't have to, so thank you.”

“You didn't have to save my life and beat a man up, but you did. So thank you,” Harry replies, voice now gone soft and serious. “Really, thank you.”

“You just owe me something major now.”

Harry giggles. Fucking  _ giggles.  _ Louis is a goner. When Louis doesn't say anything else, Harry’s expression goes serious again. “I’m gonna do something that might not be the best idea but I’m–”

Louis cuts Harry off by pressing their lips together. He really hopes this was the thing Harry was going to do in the first place. They're so close and Harry is so goddamn attractive and Louis may or may not already have a hard-on just from that but he can feel Harry against his leg so Louis assumes it's okay - all of this is okay.

Harry’s hands go for the button on Louis’ jeans, but Louis stops him. “Are you sure?” he asks quietly.

Harry nods quickly, attempting to get Louis to kiss him again. Harry finally gets a hand on Louis through his boxers, and Louis starts to feel dizzy. It feels like it’s almost too much, but it’s not enough at the same time. Louis wishes it wasn’t like this, hand jobs in a bathroom in the middle of the apocalypse. Harry doesn’t seem to mind, in fact he seems to be enjoying  _ this  _ quite a bit, so Louis quickly dismisses the thought.

Their bodies are in sync, lips roaming anyplace they can reach. Breathing gets heavier, and Louis wouldn’t be surprised if the mirror might be beginning to fog up from the heat being emitted from the two.

“You’re a good kisser,” Harry whispers against Louis’ lips, still working his hand over Louis’ cock.

“You have good hands,” Louis replies. Harry whines at that, grinding into Louis’ leg. “Is that all you’re gonna need to get off? Just my leg and my lips on yours?”

Harry nods, biting hard on his lip. “How close are you?” Louis asks, leaning down to kiss along Harry’s jaw. Harry leans in to suck on Louis’ neck again, because he must have noticed how  _ insane  _ it drove Louis, but Louis tuts and grabs Harry by the hair, pulling his head back so they’re looking at each other. Harry groans with it, and for a moment Louis fears he’s hurt the boy, but Harry grinds harder into Louis’ leg and Louis isn’t worried any longer. “Look at me,” Louis says. “Keep your eyes on me, love.”

Harry’s eyes are blown wide, beautifully dark with lust. “I want you to come,” Harry says. “I wanna make you come.”

“I’m going to. If you keep on -  _ fuck _ \- doing that, I’m going to.”

Harry smirks, satisfied with himself. Louis tugs gently this time, getting the smug look off of Harry’s face in an instant. He uses Harry’s open neck to kiss, taste every inch of skin he can reach. Harry breathing starts to quicken as his hips do against Louis’ leg. “I-I’m close, please, please tell me you’re close,” Harry pleads, moving his hand faster over Louis.

Everything remains in sync, their lips, Harry’s breath, his hips and his hand. Harry tugs his hand once, lets out the prettiest little whine at the same time, and that does it for Louis. He  comes over Harry’s fist, and Harry’s hips stutter.

They don’t move for a moment, heavy breathing fills the air between them and around them. Louis watches Harry lick his lips and stare at his hand, covered in  _ his fucking come,  _ which sends a shiver down Louis’ spine. Harry moves, bringing his hand up to his mouth and sucking his pointer finger in between his lips, staring up at Louis with wide eyes as he does so.

Louis feels dizzy again, it feels like all the air has been sucked from his world the same way Harry is sucking on his  _ fucking  _ finger. “Shit, Harry,” he murmurs, pushing the boy’s hair back from his face.

Harry nods, reaches and grabs a paper towel. He wipes his hand and steps out from between Louis’ legs, which finally launches Louis into motion. He cleans himself up, zips his pants back up and finally looks at Harry again. The boy is staring down at his crotch, where a wet patch has formed.

“Well, shit,” he giggles, looking at Louis. “You should leave first. I’ll stick around in here for a little longer. Maybe they’ll assume I was jacking off or something.” 

Louis nods, still speechless. Harry smiles at him, and then Louis turns and walks out. His hands are shaking, so he shoves them into the pockets of his jeans. Through the fabric Louis can still feel Harry’s lingering touch. He quickly remembers that he left his nearly-full cup in the bathroom, but can’t bring himself to turn around and go get it.

“Did the kid fix up your boo-boo’s? Kiss them better?” Zayn asks, sticking his bottom lip out at Louis.

He rolls his eyes. “Can I have the rum? Or the wine or something?” he asks.

Zayn hands Louis the bottle of rum and stares at him. “You alright? Didn’t you leave with a cup?”

“Finished it. Forgot the cup in the bathroom,” Louis replies, choosing to drink right from the bottle. “What do you think of this place?”

“They’re cool. We’re safe for the time being. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Louis nods. “I’m perfectly fine.”

A few minutes of conversation pass by until Harry comes back into the room and sits down in his respective area, shooting Louis a glance and holding up a plastic cup. Louis’ cup, which Harry begins to drink from.

“Isn't that— you said you finished your cup.” Zayn says slowly, turning to look at Louis. “We have no time for liars in this world, Louis Tomlinson. Especially over something as irrelevant as what went on in the bathroom.”

“Great! If it's irrelevant why don't you stop asking about it then?”

Zayn grumbles something under his breath, but otherwise says nothing else, which Louis is grateful for.

“What brought you all down here?” Eleanor asks, looking pointedly at Louis for an answer.

“We were attending NYU and decided to road trip down to Florida during our break. We got stuck in Georgia on our way down when this all started,” Louis replies. “And we figured we’d just turn back and head to Washington DC. Though that plan has gone to shit now.”

“I can see why you’d think DC would be a good place. At least you guys found us and you can come up with a new plan, huh?” Andy says, sitting back in his chair.

“Looks like it,” Gemma nods. “We have no idea what we’re gonna do next.”

Sophia, Eleanor and Andy all exchange a glance that is subtle, but Louis still picks up on it because he’s watching them carefully to try to get a read. “We’re going to take off from here in a few days. There’s a community a few miles away that we’ve been talking to, and they’re willing to accept new people. It’s stable, it’s safe. The people there are all extremely nice and welcoming, I’m sure they’d take in your group as well.” Eleanor says finally.

“Really? A community?” Lou asks, and for the first time in awhile Louis can hear some hope in her voice. 

Sophia nods. “They have it extremely good over there. Haven’t had any outbreaks or deaths relating to the outbreak in months. Like El said, they’ll probably accept you too.”

They’ll have to talk about it. A lot. It’s a really big decision that could backfire at any point. “I’m going to check the perimeter before it gets too dark,” Eleanor says, standing up. “Come with me?” She looks at Louis.

Louis grabs his gun, takes one last sip from the bottle and follows her out of the room. Eleanor leads him up a few flights of stairs until they reach a door that leads out onto a roof. They can see the entire city from the top.

“This counts as checking the perimeter?” Louis asks, eyeing a table and chair set up next to an old mattress.

“Andy and Soph will go and check to make sure all the doors are locked. We can see everywhere from up here. Sometimes we take shifts up here, but not all the time.” Eleanor explains, venturing dangerously close to the edge of the building. Louis gets scared for a moment, and that he realizes is the residual imprint of his mother on him.

“Where’s this community located? The one you mentioned?” He finally steps closer to her and looks over the edge as well.

Eleanor points. “Northeast of here. Half hour’s drive.”

“And you think it's good?”

She shrugs. “I think it's better than being here. We’re going to run out of supplies at some point.”

Louis decides now is a good time for the questions. “How many have you killed?”

“Too many walkers. No people.” she answers both at once, which Louis likes.

“Why?”

“Haven't needed to. We kill the walkers when we come across them because, one, they're a nuisance and two, they should just be put out of their misery. And we haven't encountered any people.” She replies, looking over at him. “What about you?”

“I lost count of the walkers. A long time ago.” he admits.

“What about people?” Eleanor stares at his knuckles.

“Nope, no people.”

"What about your hands, then?”

“Almost killed a guy. We stopped for the night. I got out because I couldn't sleep, turned my back for a second and the guy had Harry with a knife at his throat. So I beat on him until Zayn pulled me off. I should have killed him. I think I wanted to.”

Eleanor nods slowly. “You were protecting your group, then. I can see that. Okay… Not seeing anything alarming out here, I’m gonna head back down.”

“I’ll be back down in a little bit. I’m gonna hang around here for a bit longer.”

“Fine by me. Just don’t fire your gun, alright? The zombies stay away from here for the most part, unless there’s some kind of loud noise and then we have to take care of them. So don’t shoot anything.”

“No problem. Don’t have to tell me twice,” Louis smiles.

As soon as she’s gone, Louis pulls out his cigarettes and lights up. He wanders around the roof a bit, looking over the edge every so often. He can see walkers wandering around the streets, bumping into things. There’s a herd of them feeding on something that Louis  _ prays  _ isn’t a person.

“How come you didn’t come back downstairs?” someone asks, and it scares the shit out of Louis, honestly. He turns around to see Harry plopping down on the mattress near the table.

“Can’t scare me like that, kid. Jesus Christ.” he mutters, putting out his cigarette for Harry’s sake. He goes and sits down on the mattress next to Harry. “I dunno. Wanted to stay out here for a little longer. Be alone and smoke before I went back in.”

Harry sighs, nodding. “I get it. Not the smoking part, but the being alone part. What are you thinking about?”

“Whether to go to this community or not. I can’t decide if it’ll help or hurt us. I don’t know.” Louis leans back on his hands and looks up at the sky, painted orange by the setting sun.  

“Well, you don’t have to,” Harry says simply, mocking Louis’ position.

“I kind of do have to make a decision before Eleanor, Sophia and Andy leave so we can go with them.”

“No  _ you  _ don’t,” Harry says again, looking over at Louis. “This is part of the reason we’re in a group, so that you’re not the only one making decisions. I know you take all the weight on your shoulders – the weight of the world and the group, all of us. But you’re not the sole leader of this group, Lou. We’re all going to talk and make a decision, not just you. The decision hasn’t fallen on you.” 

Louis finally looks over at Harry, whose lips still look a bit swollen and cheeks a bit pink. Louis can’t believe that just forty five minutes ago he was kissing Harry like there was nothing wrong in the world. Against the side of his brain saying not to, Louis leans in and catches Harry’s lips in a kiss. They kiss like that for a moment, all lips and tongue and silence in the air around them. 

When they finally separate, the air feels heavier. “What does this mean?” Harry asks. Louis exhales a breath. That’s why the air felt heavier, probably. That dreaded question. Louis’ heart races.

“I don’t know,” Louis admits. “I really don’t. Because the world’s gone to shit and I don’t know what anything means anymore.”

“And Gemma is really scary, isn’t she?” Harry grins.

Louis shakes his head. “No, love. I’m not afraid of your sister.”

“What is it, then?”

“It's gonna be hard, and, um, I don't do hard. Relationships, I don't like when it's difficult. I've been in difficult relationships before and it really…” Louis leans back, shaking his head. “It's stupid. I don't even know.”

“It’s not stupid,” Harry assures. “Relationships are supposed to be hard. They're always going to be hard, zombie apocalypse or not. Because staying and loving someone is always more difficult than walking away. It’ll always hurt more to stay and fight than to turn your back. But when that person stays, that's what makes it worth it.”

“I just don't… I don't want to see you get hurt out here. And I’m afraid if I get too attached and you do get hurt, I’ll end up hurt too.”

Louis absolutely hates himself right now, vulnerable and scared and wanting to cry all because he has feelings for this beautiful boy. He never gets like this, ever.

Harry puts a hand on Louis’ cheek, smiling sadly. “Well, when nothing happens to me, the feelings will be even better, don't they?” he asks. “It’ll be worth any pain.”

Louis nods and breaks eye contact. “I need another cigarette,” he says, standing up and pulling out the pack.

He smokes as the sun dips further down, as his head spins a hundred miles an hour, and Harry keeps his eyes locked on Louis’ pacing feet. Louis’ head spins about a hundred miles per hour just knowing that Harry’s watching him so closely.


	8. Please Don't Change, Please Don't Break.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from Matchbox Twenty's "Real World"

_ HARRY _ **_._ **

 

Harry is probably going to regret his decision in the morning. He can't decide if he’ll regret the alcohol consumption or the Louis Situation more. Harry has a feeling he’ll blame the Louis Situation on the alcohol consumption and just be miserable. 

For now, though, he changes into more comfortable clothes and goes back into the big room where everyone else is already settling down, including Louis. The lights are dimmed and voices are soft. Harry notes Taylor, Niall and Andy are all missing, which means they're probably taking a watch shift. Liam has pulled his setup near Sophia’s set up and they are so  _ obviously  _ flirting that Harry wants to vomit, but also hopes they can forge something out of it.

He catches Louis’ eye, surprised when Louis motions him over. “What?” he asks softly, trying not to make too much noise.

“Lay down, dumbass,” Louis whispers back, making a bit of room for Harry. “Big spoon or little spoon? Which do you prefer?”

Harry smiles. “Little spoon.”

Louis welcomes Harry as little spoon without any hesitation. He buries his face in Harry’s neck, which sends Harry’s heart racing and he hopes Louis can't feel it. They're so close that he probably can, and that just sends Harry for another loop. Louis’ breathing evens out after a while, but Harry is unable to fall asleep. He can’t decide if it’s the fact that he may or may not be  _ with  _ Louis now or if it’s just the fact that he’s got Louis’ face buried in his neck and arms secure around his waist.

He tries to move, but Louis tugs him closer. “Where’re you goin’?” he asks, words slurring together. His voice is warm, welcoming and it makes Harry want to stay. It's like honey, he thinks – sticky like the way his words are slurred, warm and sweet and all too delicious.  _ You're a fucking idiot. _

Harry shakes his head, stops comparing Louis’ sleepy voice to honey and finally moves, sits up and decides to walk around a little. Louis make a hopelessly endearing sound and rolls over to face the other way. Down the hallway, Harry encounters Taylor, staring hard out one of the windows.

“Can’t sleep?” she asks, looking over at him. Harry shakes his head. “You’re welcome to stay out here and take this shift with me, but under one condition.”

Harry quirks an eyebrow. “That condition being?”

“We have to talk about Louis.” 

Harry knows she expects him to think of this as a punishment, talking about his opinions and his thoughts and his feelings, but Harry  _ really  _ likes talking about Louis, so it’s not as bad. “Okay, sounds like a deal.” he says finally, sitting down next to her. “What about him?”

“Did you hook up in the bathroom? Zayn is nearly positive that you did but Louis won’t say anything about it.”

“Yes, we did. We hooked up in the bathroom earlier. Zayn is correct.”

Taylor nods, looking down at the knife between her fingers. “What happened while you were both on the roof before?”

“Nothing, we talked.” Harry replies simply, shrugging. “That was it.”

“What’d Louis say?”

Harry sighs. “We just talked about what this meant. And he’s scared to get involved because he doesn’t know what’s going to happen-”

“He’s such a fucking idiot,” Taylor interrupts, shaking her head. “I don’t know exactly what happened, but one time he was in a relationship and it didn’t end well at all. It totally ruined relationships for him. This whole zombie apocalypse situation is probably making it a hell of a lot harder for him.”

“He likes me though, right?” Harry asks softly, praying for the answer he knows he wants.

Taylor lets out a laugh. “Honestly? He wouldn’t have let you anywhere near his dick if he didn’t like you. Lou was never like that.”

Harry likes knowing that. Louis wasn’t the type to jump into bed with any bloke who was willing. At least not after Taylor met him, which is good anyway. Harry will take any information that he can get, because Louis doesn't seem very keen on opening up judging by the conversation they just had on the roof.

“How long have you known him for?”

“When he came to NYU, we met in our psychology class on his first day. He introduced me to Zayn and Perrie, whom he’d actually just met too, and we all kinda became friends after that. They, like, let me in, you know? We’ve been friends ever since. It's been years, we’ve all been through a lot. This fucking apocalypse won't stop that, I hope.”

“It won't,” Harry says. He's telling the truth, one hundred percent sure of it. “It definitely won't.”

 

********

 

“Harry, Harry, Harry,” Louis chants, tipping his head back. Harry could listen to Louis say his name like this for the rest of time. He lets his mouth fall open, sticks his tongue out. 

Louis comes with a curse, his come landing on Harry’s tongue and on his cheeks and painting his pretty lips. He moans helplessly at the taste, to which Louis groans as well. Louis reaches down and brushes a thumb over Harry’s cheeks before pushing it past his lips.

“Beautiful,” Louis murmurs, staring down at Harry like he’s the only thing left in this world. “Absolutely perfect.”

There's a hard knock at the door, making Harry jump. “Gemma’s starting to wonder where the fuck you two are. I have the absolute  _ pleasure _ of telling you to wrap it up.” Zayn says sarcastically. “Come on, let's go.”

Louis sighs heavily. “Did you—”

“That was for you, not for me,” Harry replies, standing up. There's a slight ache in his knees, but he determines it was worth it. “You can pay me back later.”

“Come here,” Louis says softly. Harry leans closer without thinking about it. “You have… on your face still. Might wanna avoid your sister until your lips don't look like you just gave someone a blowjob.”

“It was a good blowjob, though, right?” Harry asks. He wants to know for his own peace of mind, as well as Louis’ future benefit.

Louis smiles at him, eyes bright. “It was, love. Let's get out of here.”

Louis and Harry step out of the bathroom to greet a wide eyed Zayn. Harry frowns. He didn’t sound worried or anything other than annoyed when he was telling them to come out of the bathroom. “What’s wrong?” he asks immediately, before Louis can.

“Lou says she can’t find Lux.” Zayn replies. “Lux was playing and she wandered off and slipped away from all of us and now we don’t know where she is.”

“Shit,” Louis mutters, picking up his knife and waistbanding his gun for the time being. “Where’d you guys last see her?”

“The hallway out here. We’ve looked everywhere, Louis.”

“Where’s Eleanor?”

“Eleanor isn’t going to help much more–” Harry starts saying, but Louis cuts him off.

“No, Eleanor will help greatly. They have the security cameras.”

“Sophia and Andy have been all over them, Louis.” Zayn argues. Harry and Zayn pick up their pace to follow Louis back to the main room.

“El!” Louis calls, not even going all the way into the room. “Come here!”

Eleanor must be able to sense that whatever Louis has to say is important, because she really hurries to get over to them. “What is it? You know about Lux?”

Louis nods. “Yeah, and you know this entire building better than anyone. Where did you block off so that walkers couldn’t get through? You don’t have the entire building clear, right?”

“God, no. The basement’s still filled with them, but Lux couldn’t get down there. Once we hit the East part of the building we closed off the walkway. That part is ridden with walkers.”

“Okay, take me there. That’s where we’re going.”

Harry has never admired a person more than he does right now. His brain is feeling a little crowded between the sex haze and now the fact that Lux is gone, but more thoughts of Louis manage to squeeze their way in. While he and Zayn tail Louis and Eleanor through the halls, Harry just feels completely overwhelmed. He completely admires Louis and his drive to find Lux, even though they’ve only been travelling together for a short while. He admires Louis’ ability to brush off what went on in the bathroom and completely switch gears to looking for and finding this innocent little girl.

The four stop in their tracks when the doors connecting their wing to the East wing are open, and there’s already walkers making their way down the hallway. “Shit, shit,” Eleanor mutters. “We don’t know if she went through or back the other way or if she’s even in there.”

Harry looks around the hallway, eyes going wide at the sight of Lux’s sweater sitting on the floor under the window. “She came over here. I don’t know where she went from here, but she was here.”

“She must have gone through these doors. Otherwise how’d they be open?” Eleanor asks.

“You have cameras for in there too, right? Can you go back and look through the footage?”

“I can, but that’ll take time, and we don’t really have time if she is in there.”

“We should close the doors, at least for now,” Harry says. Zayn agrees immediately, so they push and hold them shut.

“Do you have walkie talkies? Something like that?” Louis asks, looking to Eleanor, who nods. “Okay, good. Can you go get them? Please?”

“Of course. I’ll be right back.”

As soon as she’s gone, Harry turns to Louis. “What are you gonna do?”

“You’re gonna take a walkie, and I’m gonna take one. I’m gonna go through these doors, Zayn is gonna stay here and make sure they stay closed after I go through. You and El are going to take the walkie and go back to the security cameras. Get Sophia and Andy to go back through film while you go with El and look at the live on all the cameras in the East wing. You’re going to tell me where to go.”

“Louis, you can’t go through there, they’re already coming down the hallway!” Zayn exclaims. “You’ll never get through.”

“I can and I will. She went down that hallway and I am fucking determined to find her.”

“You don’t even know if she’s still alive, Louis.”

“She is alive and I’m finding her, Zayn. You’re gonna be here at the doors to make sure none of them get out and make sure that I can get out when I’m back with Lux.”

Zayn sighs, shaking his head.

“I won’t let you go,” Harry says softly.

“I’m going to do it.”

“Then I’m going to go with you. You're not going alone. I won't let you.”

“If we’re going to do this – us – then you can't do shit like  _ this.  _ I’m going, Harry. And I’m coming back and I’m going to have Lux and we’re going to be fine. I need someone on the other end of that walkie that I trust, like you.”

Harry huffs, looking to Zayn for reinforcement, convince Louis not to do it or at least offer to tag along, but Zayn shakes his head. “I hate you,” Harry mutters. “This is stupid and I don't support it.”

“Okay, I don't care,” Louis says.

Eleanor comes back and hands Louis both talkies. “What are you gonna do?”

Louis turns both on and puts them on the same channel, handing one to Harry. “I’m going through these doors, you and Harry are going to go back and guide me through. Find her on the tapes and tell me where she is and how to get there.”

“What? You can't—”

“He  _ shouldn't _ ,” Harry determines. “But he is.”

“We’re wasting time. As soon as I’m through, close the door. You and El have to go as soon I’m through, okay?” he looks at Harry. Harry can't see how this is gonna work. But he's going to try, because Louis needs help.  _ Lux  _ needs help.

As soon as Louis is through the doors, Harry can't stick around to see if he makes it down the hall. He and Eleanor take off down the hall back to the main room. Eleanor spits instructions at Sophia and Andy, then sits in front of the computers.

“Okay, he's still there,” Eleanor points to the one screen, where Louis is making his way down the hallway. “Looks like he's doing well. He's gonna make it through.”

“God, I hope so.”

“She's in one of the bathrooms!” Andy calls suddenly.

Lou is over the computer in the blink of an eye. “This is the last time we saw her,” Sophia points. Harry looks over at the screen, where he can see Lux duck into one of the bathrooms. She doesn't come back out, which means she's still in there.

“Okay, where's that bathroom?” Harry asks, watching Louis finally get through the hallway unscathed.

“He's gotta go left. Tell him to go left.” Eleanor says, squinting at the security feeds.

“Lou? Can you hear me?”

“Yeah, I’m here. Tell me where I’m going, kid.”

Harry lets out a breath of relief at the sound of Louis’ voice coming through the walkie. “Left. There's three that we can see right now.”

“Where’s Lux? Can you tell me what I’m looking out for?” Louis asks, using his knife to take out a walker.

“Bathroom. They're on the right. At the end of this hallway go left again, then the bathrooms are on your right.”

“Can you see down the other hallway?”

Harry looks down at Eleanor, who quickly switches to view that camera. “Uh, you're gonna have company.”

They're looking at a cluster of undead, all scattered around the bathroom door. “How many are we talking?”

“Ten, probably more making their way over.” Harry replies. “They're lingering around the door to the bathroom Lux is in.”

“Shit. You have no idea if there's anything in the bathroom with her, right?”

Harry swallows hard. “As far as we know it's just her. Whether she's… okay or not is anyone’s guess.”

“She's fine.” Louis insists. He puts the walkie in his back pocket and continues on.

When he turns the corner, they can see him freeze up at the sight of walkers. “Come on, come on,” Harry mutters, bouncing anxiously. Louis snaps out of it and begins moving forward, taking down walkers as he goes.

He gets caught up at one point, the same moment Perrie and Taylor come back into the room. “What the fuck is he doing?” Taylor exclaims. “Why is he in there alone?”

“He wouldn't let anyone else go,” Eleanor says quietly. Harry’s too caught up in watching this all unravel.

“Fuck, Louis.” he breathes out when Louis successfully takes down the two walkers holding him up. As soon as he's at the door, Louis ducks inside.

It feels like everyone in the room is holding their breath, even when Gemma and Niall come in and demand what’s going on. The seconds feel like hours. The room is completely silent. Harry doesn't want to speak over the radio because he doesn't want to draw any attention to Louis if he's caught up or unsafe.

“I got her,” his voice finally comes over the walkie.

“Oh my god,” Lou sobs. “Thank god.”

“What’s it look like outside the door, Styles? Clear?”

“There's one, but it's pretty far away. It'll come to you but you'll make it down the hall.”

“What about the walkway?”

“You can make it. There's only a couple there right now, but there are other ones making their way from other parts of the building.”

The bathroom door opens slowly, Louis coming out with Lux’s arms wrapped around his neck. He pockets the talkie again and starts back the way he came.

As soon as he manages to take down one of the walkers in the walkway and Zayn opens the door and shuts it again, Harry feels like he can breathe again. Louis comes into the main room with blood on his arms and shirt and some on his cheek, Lux wrapped around his torso like a vine. Lou manages to pry her off, a flood of tears and thanks and  _ oh my god’s. _

“You're fucking crazy,” Gemma states simply, shaking her head.

Taylor has longer, lengthier sentences for him.

Louis drops the walkie on the table and makes eye contact with Harry as he does so. “You're an idiot,” Harry says softly. “A complete and utter dumbass. I hate you.”

“No you don't,” Louis shakes his head. Harry reaches forward and rubs some of the blood from Louis’ cheek.

“Where did the blood come from?”

“Those fucking things. There weren't any in the bathroom. If there were, Lux wouldn't have made it.”

“She's okay?”

Louis nods. “Shaken up but okay. The walkers are all starting to press this way. We need to make a decision. Whether to go with them or go our own way. Eleanor said they're leaving tomorrow, the day after at the latest.”

“ _ We  _ need to decide. As a group, right?” Harry asks, staring pointedly at Louis, who shrugs. “It doesn't all fall on you. Although, after today’s heroics I have a feeling you're still going to take on everything.”

“You like my heroics.”

“I  _ admire  _ your heroics,” Harry corrects. “It's admirable, but unnecessary. You don't have to put yourself on the line and you don't have to make all the decisions.”

“Guys! Let's all talk,” Gemma says. Harry and Louis join everyone else, even Andy, Eleanor and Sophia. Harry doesn't understand why they have to be a part of this discussion too. “Are we joining or are we separating?”

Harry hears Louis exhale a breath. “I think we should vote,” he jumps in before Louis has the opportunity to.

Louis shakes his head. “We’re going.”

“The decision isn't just yours to make,” Harry says firmly. “The heroics don't all have to come from you. Today was absolutely insane–”

“It was necessary.”

“We vote,” Liam agrees, clearly trying to stop the arguing before it gets any further. “Who wants to go?”

Much to Harry’s shock, every single person raises their hand in support. Eleanor nods. “You're welcome to join. We leave some time tomorrow.”

Harry follows Louis out of the main room and up to the roof, where he immediately breaks out a cigarette. “Why’d you do it?” Harry finally,  _ finally  _ gets to ask the one question that's been burning holes in his mind. “Zayn would have done it, any other person would've gone. Why did you have to be the one to go?”

Louis doesn't say anything, so Harry rolls his eyes. “Is it some sort of power trip? You're all brave and tough and now you've got me wrapped around your finger as well as everybody else. It's a power trip. You had to defeat the walkers and save the little girl to assert your dominance or something. You're stupid.”

Louis sighs angrily, turning around to face him. “I did it because I care. That's why I did it. Because if I found out something happened to her and I didn't do everything in my power to stop it from happening, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I did it because back home I had five little sisters and a little brother that are  _ just like  _ Lux. The little twins were around her age. I didn't do it because I'm on a fucking power trip. I did it because I can't stand to watch people get hurt when there was something more I could have done.”

Harry is stunned, to say the least. All he manages is a weak  _ oh.  _ He doesn't know what to say.

“That's my… thing in this world. You try to remain humane and leave shit behind everywhere we go. Zayn smokes and has sex, your sister puts up impossible to climb emotional walls. We all have our  _ thing  _ in this world and mine is helping other people. I can't stand by and watch people get hurt. Like Jake and then Jesy and even fucking  _ Nick  _ and then Lux disappeared. I know if something happened to her I wouldn't be able to take it.”

“You care,” Harry concludes. “You act all big and tough and scary and like people don't mean a damn thing to you, but you care.”

“I care about the people I’m close to. And little kids, because they remind me of my siblings. And maybe there's some balance in the universe or something, if I save enough little kids, my siblings back home will be okay too. I care about Zayn and Perrie and Taylor and I cared about Jesy and Jake. I care about Liam and Ni and Gemma and Lou and Lux. I fucking care about  _ you,  _ Harry.”

“You think it makes you weak. You think that because you care about people, it makes you weak,” Harry says accusingly. Louis takes a drag on the cigarette, not replying. “Caring doesn't make you weak. I think it makes you strong. Because you're strong enough to hold on to people, even in a world like this.”

Louis sits down in the center of the mattress, looking up at Harry. “I don’t do this.”

Harry’s heart drops. “Don’t do what?” Pressing Louis on the subject seems like the riskier thing to do, but Harry does it anyway.

“Talking. Like this.”

Okay, so it’s not what Harry thought it was going to be. Harry was expecting Louis to say something about how he doesn’t do relationships or doesn’t want to do  _ this  _ relationship. “Talking is good,” he says, sitting down next to Louis. “I’m glad you, like, open up to me, or whatever.”

“I’m glad we found you guys,” Louis says softly. “Found Jesy and Taylor again. Met you.”

Harry smiles. “Me too.”

Louis puts out the cigarette when the wind starts blowing smoke in Harry’s direction.

“I really don’t hate you, you know, for what you did today.” Harry finally says. “I don’t hate it at all. It was slightly stupid, but I never hated that you did it. Well I did, but not as much as I said I did. It was admirable.”

“I wasn’t trying to be admirable or heroic or stupid or anything,” Louis laughs, shaking his head. “I just wanted to get her out of there.”

“It was admirable. I’d just given you a  _ blowjob  _ and you just got right into looking for Lux,” Harry says, and Louis laughs again. “I wouldn't have been able to pull myself together. You did whatever you could to help her, to find her, no matter what it did to you. Admirable.”

“Well, I told you why I did it.”

Harry scoots closer and turns Louis’ face towards his own, presses a firm, closed-mouth kiss to Louis’ lips. “I’m glad you did.” he whispers.

He really isn’t glad that Louis went on that daring journey. Well, he is, obviously, because Lux is safe now. But Louis really put his life at risk and Harry doesn’t like  _ that _ at all. He doesn’t like seeing people that he loves and cares about do things like this and risk their lives.

“Stop thinking,” Louis says randomly, his lips brushing against Harry’s.

Harry frowns. “How do you know I’m thinking about anything?”

Louis kisses the crease between Harry’s eyebrows, then his nose, and then the creases forming on his chin due to the deep frown. “I can tell. So stop.”

“You’re so much different than you were when I first met you,” Harry says. Louis’ the one forming confused creases, so Harry laughs and kisses Louis between his eyebrows in the same manner that Louis just had. “I mean it in a good way. The best way possible. You’re not as mean and angry.”

“I wasn’t like that all the time. I was just…” Louis pauses, taking a deep breath. “Hard. I knew what I wanted and how I wanted things to go.”

“And you don’t anymore?” Harry tilts his head to the side.  

He shrugs. “I don't really know much of anything anymore. You came in and kind of fucked everything up a bit for me, so.”

“I didn't fuck it up that bad, did I?” Harry asks, biting his lip gently. Louis shakes his head. “Yeah, I figured. You fucked it up a bit for me, too, so we’re even.”


	9. Flames Just Create Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from Ed Sheeran's "Drunk"

_ LOUIS _ **_._ **

 

Louis remembers absolutely nothing from the night before, but he can feel a warm body next to his and determines that everything is alright.

Harry breathes in deeply, attempting to bury himself further into Louis. “Morning,” he says softly. 

“Morn—” Louis tries, pausing to clear his throat from the night’s sleep. “Good morning.”

“Shower?” Harry asks. “You go out with Kendall and Zayn today, don't you?”

Louis nods. “You're helping Simon with thinking of new storage spaces.”

“I am. We’ll need more space. How many people do you want to bring back?”

“I don't know if we’ll find anybody. This is more for the supplies this time, love. C’mon, let's go shower.”

Since arriving at this community with Eleanor, Sophia and Andy, Louis has begun getting used to regular luxuries. Showers, full meals and bottled beer are just some of them. They have houses, they have electrical power thanks to solar energy, there's running water and gas to power the cars. They're totally secure, headed by a firm man named Simon. Simon immediately put Zayn and Louis on runs with Kendall, for supplies and people. He uses Harry and Lou for their brains, always thinking of ways to better their community. Everybody contributes in their own way. The entire community working together within the constructed walls.

“Your sister was grilling me again last night, after you went to bed,” Louis says, slowly lathering shampoo into Harry’s long hair.

“Don't let her bother you.”

“She doesn't bother me. I’m just letting you know. She wanted to know what our status was.”

“Status. Oh, okay.”

They hadn't put a label on it, is the thing. Because Harry could never decide on one name for his dog or one word to describe his feelings, he wasn't sure how to put a label on him and Louis. Louis was perfectly okay with this, because bad relationship experiences leads to the poor handling of new ones in Louis’ case.

“I’m thinking about cutting my hair,” Harry says thoughtfully. Louis’ fingers stop moving through Harry’s long locks immediately.

“What? Why?”

“Because it’s too long and it gets gross and in the way, and short hair would just be more practical. Don’t you think?”

Louis hums. “Tip your head back, love,” he says softly. Harry complies, letting Louis rinse out his hair. “You could cut it. It’s not my decision.”

When they head downstairs (not speaking about the hair anymore), Kendall and Zayn are already standing in the kitchen waiting. “About time.” Zayn notes. “We have to get going.”

“How long have you guys been in here?” Louis asks, pulling a water bottle from the fridge.

“Not long. Was gonna come wake you up if we didn't hear the shower running.”

“Oh, great. Privacy and all that, yeah?”

“At least we waited. Are you ready to go?” Zayn sighs, getting impatient. Louis hates when he gets like this.

“Yes, Zayn. I am ready to go. I’ll see you later.” Louis looks at Harry across the counter, who frowns. Louis’ eyebrows draw together. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t get a kiss, or a hug, maybe?”

Louis rolls his eyes. “No, you don’t. I’ll be back.”

“Nice seeing you sober, rather than drunk all over each other,” Kendall remarks as they start heading out the door.

Louis hisses through his teeth. “Was last night really that bad? My headache isn’t very bad, so I just assumed that it wasn’t too bad last night.”

“Your headache isn’t bad but you don’t remember anything about how  _ drunk  _ you got last night,” Kendall laughs. “How does that possibly work?”

“God, I’d love to know his secrets.” Zayn shakes his head.

Kendall and Zayn keep talking about Louis’ alcohol and hangover tolerance as they start out in the SUV, much to Louis’ annoyance. He just wants to come out here, maybe shoot a few things, find some good stuff, maybe save a few people. Just like they do every week. He likes these runs because he gets out of the little town where everyone always has a question for him - whether it be about Harry or their life on the outside or wanting help with their gun.

Louis likes coming out and escaping all of those questions for a little while. They go a bit further each day, finding new resources each time. Today they go out past the big oak tree with the no trespassing sign posted, to an old warehouse they vowed to get to last time they went out.

“Promising,” Louis remarks, closing his car door as quietly as possible to avoid attracting walkers.

“Looks like that one you, Pez and I found a while back, remember?”

Louis nods. “I do remember. The one with the map.”

“Sounds like an episode of FRIENDS.” Kendall says. “The one with the map. Doesn’t it?”

“God, I miss that show. I wonder what happened to Jennifer Aniston,” Louis says thoughtfully, wiggling the doorknob on one of the building’s doors.

“Hollywood is gone. California fell ages ago.” Kendall sighs, shaking her head.

Louis wanders around the side of the building, searching for a way in. There’s an open window, which he figures will do nicely. Louis hoists himself up and through the window, feet landing firmly on the floor on the other side. It’s quiet and all the doors are locked, which means there’s probably no walkers inside. Louis is careful nonetheless. He opens the side door, causing Kendall and Zayn to whip around with their weapons drawn. “Hey, calm down,” Louis says, holding his hands up. “It’s just me. Don’t get trigger happy.”

“I’ll show you trigger happy,” Zayn grumbles. “Tell us what you’re doing next time. I won’t hesitate to shoot.”

He brushes past Louis into the building. “Somebody needs to lighten up!” Louis calls. “Rough night, Malik?”

Zayn lets out a laugh. Yeah, that’s better. They start searching around, showing each other the stupid things they find. Old condom wrappers, half empty bottles of beer and a mystery bagged substance that is definitely not marijuana. Kendall makes Zayn and Louis leave it alone.

“How is there nothing here?” Louis groans. “This was such a waste of time.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Kendall replies calmly. “We’re gonna keep moving out. Maybe then it won’t be a waste of time.”

“Awesome, let’s get going.”  
  


********

 

Louis finds Harry talking with Liam and Gemma outside of their house. He’s standing there, arms crossed with his sweatshirt hood up, all confident and laughing.

“Hey,” he murmurs, hooking an arm around Harry’s waist.

“You’re back! How was it?”

“Didn’t find any people. Found signs of people out there. We got a shitload of supplies from that old supermarket, there was food trucks parked out front.”

“Good,” Harry smiles. “Liam and Sophia finally hooked up.”

Louis gasps. “The scandal that rocks the town,” he says dramatically. “Congratulations, Panyo, you’ve got balls after all.”

Liam rolls his eyes. “Do you not know how to keep anything to yourself?”

Harry shrugs. “I would’ve told him anyway. Everybody’s gonna find out. Small town talk, Liam. Skeletons always force their way out of the closet in places like this.”

Louis doesn’t like the way that sounds. He has plenty of skeletons in his closet. Relationship skeletons, friendship skeletons, moral skeletons… The works. Harry doesn’t know about any of them, and Louis would quite like to keep it like that. He’s opened up so much already, and managed to keep those skeletons shoved in the back of his closet, and he’d like to not let any of them out. Small town talk is something Louis thought he’d finally escaped when he got out of Doncaster.

They part ways from Gemma and Liam, promising to meet up at someone’s house later on in the day. “Are you okay?” Harry asks, folding his arms over his chest as they walk down the sidewalk.

Louis nods. “I’m fine. How’s Simon?”

“He’s a dick,” Harry admits. “Like, the most dick person I’ve ever met. Even more than you were when we first met.”

“I’ll do something about it. If he’s treating you like shit, I’ll do something about it.”

“Whenever you say you’ll ‘do something’ I assume you mean something violent and I don’t like it. No more violence. Seriously, Louis.”

“Is he treating you like shit, though?” Louis presses. He really needs to know.

“No, he’s not. He’s just, like, a dick. That’s it. He knows what he wants and how he wants it and he doesn’t want anyone getting in the way and fucking it up. It’s just a lot.”

“I’ll talk to him.”

“ _ No,  _ you won't,” Harry says firmly. Louis sighs. “You don't have to. He welcomed us in here and we should–”

Harry cuts himself off when the one and only Simon crosses their path. “Ah, you're back. How was the run?” Simon smiles at Louis.

“It was fine. Found some supplies. Glad to be back here.”

“I'm sure you don't like going out and being out there after so long on the road, but I'm thankful you're doing it.”

Louis hums, nodding in agreement. “I don't mind, I like going out, actually.”

“Good, I’ll keep you on that then. Have a good rest of your day, gentlemen.”

“You too,” Harry and Louis say at the same time.

They start walking again, Louis waiting until he's  _ absolutely positive  _ that Simon is out of earshot. “I don't like him,” he says finally. “Don't like him at all.”

“Don't  _ like  _ him or don't  _ trust  _ him? There's a big difference.”

Louis thinks for a moment, thinks hard about it. Because he’s right, dislike and distrust could be completely different things. “You’re right. But I think a little bit of both. I don’t know him well enough to trust him, but if I met him prior to this I don’t really think I’d trust him.”

“Like not trust  him in a you think he cheats at Uno way, or not trust him in a he may actually kill us way?”

“ _ Those  _ are very different levels of not trusting someone, H,” Louis laughs. “But I don’t really know. We’ll have to wait a little longer to see, I guess. I feel gross, I’m gonna hit the shower, I think.”

“Again?”

“Before we all meet up later tonight. Need another one. You could join me?” he suggests, already beginning to break out into a grin.

Harry hardens his jaw, attempts to keep the smile off his own face. “I don’t think so.”

“Oh, come on, I don’t want to be alone.” Louis sings, grabbing both Harry’s hands and beginning to walk backwards down the sidewalk.

Harry rolls his eyes, sighing heavily. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“It’s a bloody  _ brilliant  _ idea, Harry. Let’s go. To the shower.”

Harry puts up a fight once they get to the bedroom. “Why are you being so goddamn stubborn?” Louis groans, unzipping Harry’s sweatshirt slowly.

“Let me-” Harry starts to say, but Louis has already pushed the sweatshirt off of Harry. He cut his hair. The beautiful, long locks are gone. Louis is dumbfounded. “Surprise?”

Louis opens his mouth, then closes it again, taking a breath. “You cut it.”

“Yeah, I did. I didn’t need the approval of you or anyone else, I just needed Lou with a pair of scissors. Why, do you not like it?” Harry’s hand flies up to the newly short cut. He just said that he didn’t need Louis’ approval, and now he’s desperate for it.

“No! I mean, yes. I like it. I love it, H. You look cute. It looks really good. It’s just… gone.” 

Harry lets out a laugh. “Yeah, I know. It’s gone. You think I look cute?”

“So cute. Makes you look even younger. Can we go shower now?”

Harry nods, still toying with his hair and looking displeased. Louis leans in and catches Harry’s lips in a quick, sweet kiss. Harry’s smiling after that.

Even though he was reluctant to go, Louis can tell that Harry is glad he came into the shower. They take their time in there, paying attention to every small detail and asset before finally turning the warm water off. The mirror is fogged up from the heat, so is the shower door.

“Been awhile since I’ve seen this. Been in the shower for so long that the mirror and door fogged up,” Harry says softly, tracing his finger across the mirror. “This is too good to be true, isn’t it? It’s too good to last.”

Louis doesn’t say anything, but he figures that’s enough of an answer. “Shave,” Harry says softly, placing the razor on the edge of the kitchen sink. “Please?”

“I thought-”

“Shave.”

Louis sighs heavily, already dreading the extra work he has to do. He’s tired and just wants to lay down for a little while before joining the others. Eleanor mentioned something about s’mores, which means a fire, which means up late, which means Louis will be extremely tired.

“I bet Liam and Soph are gonna be the buzz tonight while we’re all together,” Harry says from the bedroom. “I’m glad they finally realized that the endless flirting was obviously leading somewhere. I didn't flirt like that with you, did I?”

Again, Louis stays quiet. Harry continues, “I think you flirted with me a bit. You at least showed me you cared, which I think I took as flirting. You always called me  _ kid,  _ I got a nickname and nobody else did.”

“Styles, if you don't stop talking about what happened before we got here, I’m going to use this blade to stab you in the eye.”

Louis hates that he just snapped. He absolutely hates it. He’d rather snap on anyone in the entire world as long as it means he doesn't have to yell at Harry.

“What?”

“I don't want to talk about what happened before we got here. I don't want to talk about what it was like before this all started or before Zayn, Perrie, Taylor, Jesy and I got separated. I don't want to talk about what it was like when we first met for the first time, how I almost blew your fucking brains out that day. I don't want to talk or think about anything that happened before  _ now _ , okay? I just want to focus on the  _ now  _ and the future.” Louis sighs, rinsing off the blade.

Harry is quiet for a second. Then, “I’m going to find Leigh-Anne. She’s coming with El and I going to the pantry to get stuff for tonight.”

“Harry—” by the time Louis tries to protest, Harry is already down the hall. He sighs, dropping down onto the bed. “Shit.”

Louis gets dressed and grabs his knife, the only thing he managed to keep, the rest of their weapons went into the armory which is highly monitored. He goes there, “checks out” a handgun and heads for the spot that's been set up purely for target practice. Andy is there, as is Lou. He seems to be teaching her how to properly fire the gun. Louis wonders where Lux is and when she’ll hold a gun for the first time.

With the silencer, Louis fires shot after shot into the target and hits each and every time. He shoots angrily, because he’s pretty fucking pissed. Pissed because he doesn't know what happens  _ next.  _ He doesn't know what happened at home. He's pissed because Lux is probably going to have to hold a gun before she turns seven. He's pissed because he doesn't understand how Harry’s beautiful, messy brain works and it’s probably going to fuck a lot of things up. He doesn't even understand how his own brain works. He's pissed for  _ so  _ many reasons, and takes it all out on this target. When the cartridge finally runs out, Louis inhales deeply and lowers the gun.

“Hm,” Andy hums. Louis looks over at him. “I didn't know they let you do that. Just shoot angrily. I'll keep that in mind. You're a good shot, by the way.”

Louis looks from Andy to the target, where the bullets have hit somewhere fatal every time. He wishes he hadn't needed to get so good at firing a gun. “Thanks,” he says finally, nodding. “You too.”

“Ah, that was all Lou,” Andy admits, looking at their own target.

Louis laughs, compliments Lou on the shots, then heads back to the armory. He returns the gun and tells the man working that he emptied the cartridge. “Good shooting session, then?” the man smiles. 

“Yeah, definitely. Thank you.”

“No problem. Have a nice day.”

Everybody is so damn nice. Too nice, Louis is starting to hate it. He heads back to the house, passing Perrie playing with Lux in the grass. Inside, Louis drops to the couch and prays Harry isn’t anywhere else in the house. He doesn’t want to deal with the confrontation right now.

It’s not long before he’s dozing off, falling into a dream about his younger sisters. His sister Lottie is on the other side of a ditch, but she’s slipping, slipping, slipping. Louis can’t get to her. She’s falling, and he can’t do anything about it. He goes to move, but someone’s hand lands on his shoulder.

He jolts awake, face to face with Harry. “Jesus, kid,” he mutters, rubbing his face. “What is it?”

“I'm waking you up,” Harry says simply, keeping his voice soft.

“Why?”

“Because Niall and Leigh are starting the fire over at Lou’s. Figured you’d like to join us.”

“Is there alcohol?”

Harry nods. “Yeah. Come over when you're ready.”

Louis goes to say his name, apologize for before, but like earlier in the bedroom, Harry’s gone before Louis even gets the chance. He grabs a jacket and the knife, running a hand through his hair on his way out the door.

Everyone is already gathered in Lou’s backyard, sitting in chairs around the fire. Even Eleanor, Sophia and Andy have joined the group, which Louis doesn't really mind. 

“You okay?” Zayn asks, watching Louis drop down beside him.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Louis replies. He has to shake himself of the thoughts in his head this way he doesn't give off the idea that he's anything other than fine. “I’m starving, though. When do we get to start the s’mores?”

“Right now,” Niall replies, tossing the bag of marshmallows at Louis. “If you can get that open, knock yourself out.”

Louis manages to rip the bag open, grabs a stick and gets down in front of the fire, simply sitting in the grass. He takes two and pushes them onto the stick, holding it over the fire. As soon as they catch fire, Louis pulls them out and prepares two smores, stepping over Lux to hand it to Harry.

Harry looks up at him, eyebrows arched. “What’re you doing?”

“It’s for you. Take it or leave it.”

Harry takes the s’more, almost hesitantly, from Louis’ hand. Harry holds Louis’ gaze as he thanks him quietly. Louis goes and sits back down in his chair. Zayn hums beside him, making Louis roll his eyes. “God, shut up.”

“Jesus Christ, calm down.”

“I’m perfectly calm,” Louis says, taking a bite from the s’more. “Are you?”

“Yes, I am. Let’s just try to have a good time here and not turn it into some kind of dramatic shitshow.”

Louis doesn’t want to turn anything into any type of shitshow. He doesn’t want to talk about anything or cause a scene or any trouble whatsoever. He just wants to enjoy his s’more and the fire and the peace within these walls at this particular moment.

“Let's play a game,” Leigh-Anne suggests, already looking excited. “Like, name that tune or something.”

“That's a good game, we’ve got some pretty decent singers in the works,” Gemma looks at Harry.

“Hope you're talking about Liam or Ni.” Harry shakes his head.

“Zayn,” Louis says under his breath, poorly and jokingly disguising it as a cough.

“Shut up,” Zayn pokes Louis with the opposite end of his s’more roasting stick.

“Let's play, c’mon. Solo or teams?”

“Solo,” Perrie says immediately. “Every man for himself.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Since it was Leigh-Anne’s idea to play, everyone makes her give a song first. She starts  _ Take Me To Church _ by Hozier. Harry guesses it right off the bat, making it his turn.

Louis is surprised, to say the least, with the way the lyrics to The Cars’  _ Just What I Needed  _ roll off Harry’s tongue. He has more than a decent voice, one that makes Louis feel immediately self conscious about the voice he so desperately threw into musical theatre. He blurts the name of the song and the artist for good measure before he really even thinks about doing it.

Harry breaks out into a grin. “You know that song?”

“I do. One of my favourites.”

“You're up, Tommo,” Zayn says dramatically, rubbing Louis’ shoulders. “Pick a good song.”

Louis racks his brain for a moment before deciding on a song called  _ Could Have Been Me  _ by The Struts. Zayn yells it out excitedly. “Oh my  _ god  _ The Struts were so good! Not to be confused with The Strokes, though.”

“I've never even heard of The Struts,” Harry admits. “They were good?”

“ _ So  _ good,” Zayn gushes. “We really loved them.”

“They were, like, Rolling Stones-like. Oasis a bit too, I think.”

Louis knows Harry would like The Struts. If he likes The Cars and The Rolling Stones and Oasis, Harry would like The Struts too. He’s surprised that Harry hasn’t already heard them, if his music taste leaned that direction anyway.

Louis takes Zayn’s seat, now next to Harry again. “The marshmallow in the s’more you gave me was too burned,” Harry says, leaning closer to Louis so no one else can hear any part of their conversation. “I don’t really like them that way, for future reference.”

“Okay, next time I just won’t make you one. It’s that simple,   _ joli garçon.” _

“What does that mean?” Harry asks.

“It’s not that important, really.”

Harry hums, discontent. Louis knows that Harry wants an whole answer, but Louis doesn’t want to give it to him. Louis can’t really decide  _ why  _ he doesn’t want to give the answer, but he doesn’t. So he won’t.

Whenever someone gets a song wrong or makes a stupid guess, they have to drink. Louis knew they wouldn’t get very far into this game without bringing drinking into it somehow, and this makes him happy.

The singing gets louder and more rowdy as more drinks are consumed, but the game eventually drops off because Leigh-Anne is too drunk to get up there and think of a song. Lou says she’d better get to bed, check on Lux and turn in for the night.

“The marshmallows are gone,” Liam frowns. “We can’t make anymore s’mores.”

“We should probably be heading to bed anyway,” Eleanor admits. Louis watches her stretch, a sliver of her stomach showing when her shirt rises and he concludes that he’s definitely drunk.

Louis looks over at Harry, who is a bit less intoxicated than Louis is. “Home?” Harry asks, getting up and standing in front of Louis. “We should get going.”

Louis nods, standing up and taking a step away from him. “Yeah, we should.”

“You don’t have to pretend to be sober,” Harry laughs. “Come on, let’s go.”

“I’m not pretending. I know  _ very  _ well that I am drunk.” Louis declares, beginning to walk beside Harry. He can feel Harry watching him closely, making sure that he’s not going to stumble and fall and hurt himself.

Much to Louis’ annoyance, Harry makes sure that he’s comfortable and tucked into bed like he’s five fucking years old. Louis falls asleep with Harry’s eyes burning into his back.


	10. Darling, Everything's On Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from Taylor Swift's "Safe & Sound"

_ HARRY _

 

“If we weren’t living in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, I would ask you out and wine and dine you,” the first words out of Louis’ mouth make Harry feel confused. Is he still drunk? Is that even possible? “I’d get you nice wine and buy you some really nice dinner, and we’d eat, then I’d eat you.” 

Harry quirks an eyebrow. “Would you, now?”

Louis hums, rolling over and looking up at Harry. “Yeah, I would.”

Harry looks away, not wanting to look at Louis for too long because he’s supposed to be mad at him, but Harry knows the second he looks into those eyes for too long, any anger will disappear. “I thought you didn’t want to talk about before,” he says, keeping his head held high.

“I’m not talking about before, I’m saying– oh. You’re still mad.” Louis props himself up on one elbow and looks at Harry pointedly.  _ No eye contact, no eye contact.  _ “We don’t have to do this you know. I’m not forcing you to stay. I’m not forcing you to stay anywhere. Not here in this town, not with us as a group, not in this bed with me.”

Harry sighs. “There's Advil in the bathroom.”

“Alright, fine,” Louis says, getting out of bed and stretching, arms up over his head. Harry really tries not to look over. He looks anyway. “If that's how you want to play, we’ll play,” he says casually, striding across the room to the bathroom door. He pauses, leaning there in the doorframe, “I’m gonna go take a shower and probably jack off, you're welcome to join—”

“I want you to talk to me!” Harry blurts, finally breaking. He knew it would only last so long. “I want you to talk.”

“Talk about what?” Louis asks calmly. He folds his arms across his chest, something Harry thinks makes Louis feel like more of a threat.

“Why you flipped on me yesterday afternoon. When I started talking about before.”

“I don't like talking about it,” he shrugs. Harry doesn't like how Louis is treating this like it's no big deal. “I don't want to talk about what could have been or what should have been. I just don't.”

“I don't know anything about you,” Harry shakes his head. “I have no idea about what you were like or  _ anything. _ ”

“I’m not that person anymore, it doesn't matter! Why do you need to know that version of me, it's not there anymore!” 

“I want to know everything. That's the thing about me, Louis. I go all in. I want to find out every detail about you so I can like you that much more. Hell, yeah, I get attached. But it's the only way I know how to be. I want to know about what you were like before.”

“You do know stuff about me,” Louis mumbles, looking down. “You know plenty.”

“Yeah, I do know some stuff. Louis Tomlinson – don't know your middle name. You love your mum more than you're willing to admit, you have six younger siblings. You like being in charge. You can sing pretty damn well. You're strong and don't take shit from anybody. And you burn your marshmallows.”

“That's plenty.”

Harry shakes his head. “No, it's not. Because I want to know your middle name. And I want you to tell me about your sisters. I want to know about your childhood and your father and your mother and what you did as a kid and why the hell you don't talk about shit. Because there's obviously a reason, there's always a reason.”

Louis sighs heavily, but doesn't say anything.  Harry studies him carefully, trying to get a read. He kind of wishes Louis wasn't so damn complex. “You're just the same, you know,” Louis says finally, looking up at Harry. “You don't tell me anything about you.” 

“I could, if you just ask. I would tell you anything.”

“William.” 

“What?”

“My middle name. It's William.” Louis says. With that, he turns and shuts the bathroom door behind him.

Harry groans, running a hand through his hair. It shocks him when there's not that much hair to mess with. This is going to take getting used to. The shower turns on, and he can hear Louis’ voice coming through the door. He always sings loudly in the shower, which Harry  _ wishes  _ bothered him. It doesn't bother him at all. He thinks the song is something by The Killers, maybe, but Harry can't be quite sure.

Feeling a bit impulsive, Harry gets up and attempts to have as much confidence as Louis did walking into the bathroom.

He opens the door and shuts it again. Louis’ singing cuts off. Harry strips himself of his clothes and opens the shower door. Louis quirks an eyebrow at him. “Can I  _ help  _ you?” he asks, tone coming off as simply annoyed.

Harry doesn't really have a game plan, so he lets the impulsivity take over. The impulsivity takes his lips to Louis’, which Louis doesn't seem to mind. “Help me like this,” Harry says, breathing heavily into Louis’ mouth. “This is all I want.”

“Okay, I can give it to you,” Louis says. “What’d you wait until you were hard to come in here? Use me for my sex?”

Harry shakes his head. “Didn't get hard till I—till I saw you in here.”

Louis hums, taking one hand and pinning one of Harry’s to the wall above his head. Harry thinks briefly about how they can both slip and  _ die  _ in here like this, and how awful it would be for someone to find the two of them in here naked and  _ dead _ . But then Louis fits his free hand around Harry’s cock and it's like he can't even think about anything other than the feeling.

Louis’ lips are all over him, beginning with his jaw and working his way down. Harry has learned Louis to be somewhat methodical in the way he does this. He starts kissing Harry’s lips, then his jaw, then leaves a hickey on the hinge of his jaw. He likes to bite right above where Harry’s pulse is hammering beneath his skin, and likes to pay attention to Harry’s collarbones and  _ extra  _ attention to his nipples.

Harry's cause of death won't be a zombie, it will be Louis Tomlinson. Because right now they're in this shower and Louis’ on him and Harry is probably going to pass out.

“Fuck, Louis,” he curses, letting his head fall back against the wall. “More, please. I want—I need more.”

Louis shakes his head, but does pick up the pace of his hand over Harry’s dick. “We were playing hardball before, love. Still playing it now. I’m not giving anything to you that easy.” 

Harry whines, bucking up into Louis’ fist. “You'll let me suck you off?”

“You sound too good for me not to, babydoll,” he whispers. And, oh, that’s a new one. Harry finds it incredible how Louis can be doing such a filthy thing but still sound so… caring. “I want you to come for me, good like you always do.”

“Not gonna be enough,” Harry protests, still rocking his hips. 

“It’ll be plenty. C’mon, love,” Louis flicks his wrist faster, pays extra attention to the head of Harry’s cock before the downstroke, and Harry’s eyes roll back. “Yeah, baby. That's it. Tell me how good it feels.”

“Fuck, Louis, I– so good. Shit, oh my god.”

“I love how easy you get for me, H. All I need to do is put a hand on your cock and you fall apart for me. You're good, you know? My good boy.”

That's  _ it  _ — Harry's coming. He doesn't think he's ever come so quickly from so little  _ ever. _

He lets impulsivity take over yet again when he gives Louis what is probably the best blowjob he’ll ever receive.

“All I need,” Harry says again, tipping his head back under the still-running water. “This.”

“Sex. With me.”  

Harry nods.

“Fine.”

Harry isn't quite sure what any of this means.  
  


 

********

 

“It’s been forever since I’ve been outside the walls. Since we got here.” Taylor says, inhaling deeply, as if the air is somehow fresher.

“It’s not that extraordinary,” Louis replies, not even looking over at her. “I think it’s weird. There’s nothing out here. But in there, there’s everything.”

“You were out here with nothing for a long time,” Harry reminds him. “Aren’t you, like, used to it?”

Louis shrugs, turning over a rock with his foot as they wait for Eleanor and Zayn to catch up. “I don’t know. It’s weird because I was so used to having nothing and then I had everything? It’s stupid.”

Harry knows by now that no matter how many times he assures Louis that talking about stuff isn’t  _ stupid,  _ Louis won’t believe him. So Harry doesn’t say anything this time.

“You guys should walk faster,” Louis squints at Zayn as the sun comes out from behind a cloud. Harry stares at him, notes how long Louis’ hair is getting because he still hasn’t cut it from the time they’d found that first gated community. It looks good on him, though, Harry quite likes it. Louis’ eyes look extremely blue in the sunlight, which Harry also likes.

Harry doesn’t realize that he’s zoned out until Louis stops and looks at him. He says, “Kid, let’s go. We haven’t got all the time in the world.”

Louis is right, they definitely don’t have all the time in the world. The group continues on, everyone quiet and looking for any signs of people. Everybody stops dead in their tracks when a gunshot sounds off.

“Fuck me,” Zayn mutters, looking around. “What the hell was that?”

“It came from that way,” Taylor points ahead. “Away from the town, which is good.”

The sounds of someone sobbing carry through the otherwise quiet woods, which Harry immediately decides is not a good thing. And they should help. It doesn’t sound like it’s from too far away, so he takes the lead and starts walking forward.

“Take out your gun, Harry. Don’t be stupid,” Zayn reminds. He was talking only to Harry, but Harry knows that everyone else takes out their guns as well.

They keep moving forward, even slower than before. “Stop, stop,” Louis grabs Harry by the arm and pulls him back around a big oak tree. “You can see those people up there, right? And how those two are on their knees? Then those three guys are walking around them. That’s not something that we want to–”

Much to Harry’s horror, Louis’ words get cut off when another gunshot fires off and kicks up the dirt right near their tree.

“Now it's a party. Come on out, don't be shy.”

“Stay here,” Louis whispers, pressing Harry’s back to the tree. “Do not move, Styles, so help me god. Stay in one place and use your _bloody_ _brain_ for once.”

Harry is  _ always  _ using his brain, except right now it happens to be running at about a hundred miles a minute. Louis steps out from behind the tree, his hands raised. Harry sees the others do the same. He's not fucking  _ standing here  _ and watching this. Harry steps out as well, standing beside Louis.

“You've got to be fucking kidding me,” Louis mutters, looking up to the sky as if God might really help him now.

“Awesome! Weapons, ground. Wanna tell me what you're doing in our part of town?” one man asks, striding closer to the group. He's ugly, Harry thinks. Maybe that's why he's so angry. He's ugly and due to the limited options and resources, he can't find a good shag.

He stops in front of Harry, looking him up and down. Harry hopes he can't smell fear. He takes a breath, trying to calm himself down. “Well,” the man drawls, “you're a pretty one, aren't you?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Harry can see Louis’ fist clench. He prays Louis doesn't do something stupid. He shudders when the man presses a blade to the corner of Harry’s jaw. “Someone’s been marking you up, though. I wonder who?”

Damn Louis, really.

“Maybe I’ll have to show you who you belong to.”

“Mike…” another man warns. Harry is somewhat grateful for him derailing Mike’s train of thought. “Come on, let's finish what we started and get out of here.”

“You people seem clean. Well fed. Where's your community?”

“There isn't one,” Zayn speaks up.

“We’re just good at catching,” Eleanor adds.

Mike laughs, shaking his head. “Girls, over there. On your knees, hands behind your heads. And you, pretty.” he looks at Harry again.

Harry swallows hard, but obeys. From here he can see Louis, whose eyebrows are drawn together, deep in thought. He's going to get them out of this, Harry knows it. He has complete faith in Louis and Zayn as a team. They're all just waiting for an opportunity. The perfect opportunity to seize control of the situation, which Louis is good at.

“I want answers, people! I’m not doing this for fun. This is not fun for me, you know.”

“Where's your camp?” Louis asks. “You must have one, been keeping those girls somewhere, yeah?”

“You're observant, I’ll give you that,” Mike says. “Alex, are we gonna tell them?” 

The third man, Alex, jolts back to reality. “No, sir.”

Harry knows he's the weakest. He can tell. He's along for the ride, he hasn't got another choice. He meets Louis’ gaze, tilts his head toward Alex and quirks an eyebrow. Louis furrows his together for a moment, attempting to figure out what Harry means.

“They're going to tell us where  _ their  _ camp is, right, Alex?” Mike demands, his eyes locked on Louis.

“Yes, sir.”

Louis’ expression goes slightly softer. He gets it. Harry imagines him piecing it together the same way he is right now. Mike is the leader. Alex is the weakest link, and you know what they say, you're only as strong as your weakest link. This second man is clearly the voice of reason. Harry, personally, would go for the second man or even Alex before he takes Mike.

But he knows Louis and Zayn both well enough to know that they think similarly to each other, but not Harry. They’ll both go for Mike. The gears are turning in both of their heads. Harry exhales a shaky breath and hopes the second man doesn’t see how scared he is.  

“How do we go about this?” Mike turns away from Zayn and Louis to walk towards the five people kneeling at his mercy on the ground. The unnamed second man moves to stand near Zayn and Louis to watch them more closely.

Mike starts by the girl at the other side, observing her closely. “Briana and Ashley don’t know where their camp is, so they’re not really any help to us. But these three… I don’t really trust women though, do you, Alex?”

“No, sir. They’re unfit for this world.”

Eleanor scoffs, shaking her head. “Nuh-uh,” Mike tuts, shaking his head as well. “Nothing from you. Those two are too tough to crack,” he gestures to Louis and Zayn, coming to a stop in front of Harry, “how about you, pretty boy?”

Harry doesn’t look at him. He keeps his gaze locked on Louis, as if they can give each other strength that way. Mike crouches down beside Harry, making him jump. “Who’re you looking at?” he asks thoughtfully, attempting to follow Harry’s line of sight. “The blue eyed one, yeah? With the longer hair.”

Harry says nothing, and Mike nods, standing up. “Figured you were a fucking fag.”

“Hey!” Louis protests.

Almost like a reflex, Mike’s hand flies out and collides with Harry’s cheek. Harry takes the hit, clenches his jaw and looks straight ahead after a moment. “Here’s how we’re gonna do it, then. You,” Mike points to Louis. “Are going to lead us back to your town.”

“I’m not-”

Harry feels cool metal press to his temple. He closes his eyes and breathes in deeply. He prays this isn’t how this ends. “You  _ are,”  _ Mike argues. “Because I’m going to keep this gun to your pretty boy’s head and you’re going to take us, otherwise all I’ve gotta do is pull the trigger one time.” 

“Alright, okay,” Louis nods. Louis doesn’t really give in to other people’s demands so easily, so Harry is assuming that this is part of whatever plan he has cooking.

Mike pulls Harry up onto his feet and pushes him toward Louis. “Wanna put on a show, fags?”

“No, not really,” Louis admits, rocking back and forth on his feet as if this is a normal interaction. “If we’re being honest here, no.” 

“Ah, come on. It’s you or me, pal.”

“Just kiss me, Louis,” Harry says softly.

“Yeah, listen to your boy. Give him a kiss.”

Louis glares at Mike, really, really death glares him. Lazers, daggers, the whole bit. Then he leans forward and kisses Harry firmly on the mouth. It feels like a promise. A  _ we’re all going to be okay  _ promise that Harry chooses to believe.

“Hey!” Mike exclaims, clearly joyous in the power he has over people.

Louis stays there for a few more seconds. “Get down,” he murmurs against Harry’s lips.

Then he moves, reaching for Mike’s gun pressed to Harry’s head. Harry drops to the ground, just as he hears the machine gun belonging to the Unnamed second man go off, rapid fire. Harry keeps his head down until he hears Louis curse after one of the gunshots go off. Harry’s mind starts running even faster with even more frantic thoughts now that Louis sounds hurt.

He gets up without really thinking about it, immediately going to check on Louis. “I’m fine, stop,” Louis says, clutching his left bicep. “It grazed my arm, that’s all. Check on the others, he just fucking shot.”

Harry turns, attempting to seem unfazed by the bodies scattering the ground around them. Zayn is already over Taylor’s body, feeling for a pulse. Harry checks on Eleanor, who has suffered a gunshot to her right shoulder. “You’re gonna be fine, I think,” he says. “I need to see if there’s an exit wound, then I can really let you know if you're gonna be okay.”

“It went right  _ fucking  _ through, I can tell you that much,” Eleanor says through gritted teeth, pushing herself up to a slightly seated position using her left hand.

Harry looks, sure enough there's a clear exit wound. “Okay, good. There's not enough bleeding to suggest a major artery was hit, but we still have to keep pressure on it.”

He pulls his jacket off without thinking. “This should be fine. Press down hard, okay?”

He stands up again, ready to move on to somebody else, but Zayn is standing as well, shaking his head.

“What?” Louis asks. “Why aren't you—Taylor.”

“There's nothing…”

Louis tries to talk, tries to form sentences and thoughts but all that comes out is sounds of protest.

“Sit down, Lou,” Harry says softly, putting hands on his shoulders. “Let me look at your arm.”

“We have to move,” Eleanor says, now on her feet. “They're all going to turn and more are coming. We should get back. You've just got a flesh wound, right?”

“Yeah. We can't leave Taylor.” Louis replies, staring at her lifeless body. “I don't want to let her turn.”

“We can't—” Zayn tries to protest, but Louis won't have any of it.

“What we can't do is leave her to become one of those  _ things.  _ I won't do it.”

Zayn hands Louis a knife, with which Louis makes his way to Taylor. Crouching down, he nudges the hair out of her face and exhales a breath. “You were going to do better on our psychology final than I was,” Harry hears him say.

Then he drives the knife through his skull, wipes the blood on his jeans and stands up. They start moving back to the town.

Once there, the man working the gate demands to know what happened. Zayn stops to talk to him while Harry goes with Eleanor and Louis to the infirmary. The woman working, Caroline, immediately tends to Eleanor.

“I’ll look at you,” Harry whispers, making Louis sit down on the other cot. “I’m glad you didn't get shot.”

Louis doesn't say anything in reply.

“You'll have to take your arm out of the sleeve. Do you want me to help you take it off?”

Usually, Louis would crack a joke about how Harry’s ‘always trying to get him naked’, which is only partly true. But he stays tight lipped, nods his head and cooperates as best he can to get the shirt off. “You're right, it's just a flesh wound. I can clean it and dress it and do it every so often for you, if you want.”

Louis is quiet for a moment, this time Harry waits for an answer. Finally he nods. “Thank you.”

Harry grabs the antibiotic, gauze and bandage that seems like it came from a big fancy medical kit. “Today was scary. Could they tell I was scared?”

Louis shakes his head. He says thoughtfully, “no. You were brave. That guy was a dick, and you were brave.”

“You killed him, right?”

He nods. “As soon as I got my hands on the gun.”

Harry wants to tell Louis that he's glad Louis shot the man, and tell him that he's lucky it only grazed his arm, but he bites it back. “What is it?” Louis asks. “You're, like, shaking.”

“We’re just… like, lucky, I guess.”

Louis shakes his head. “It's not enough.”

“What, luck?”

“That we’re the only ones who got out of that situation,” he replies. Harry can tell now that Louis is talking about Taylor. “She deserved better than that.”

“You're brave,” Harry whispers, pressing gently on the bandage to make sure it sticks. “I’m not brave. You are.”

As soon as he’s got his shirt back on, Louis heads out of the infirmary. “He’s gonna be alright,” Eleanor says, looking down at the hole in her shoulder. “We’re all gonna be fine. I mean, look at me, I got a bullet to the shoulder and I’m fine.”

“Yeah, but Taylor isn’t,” Harry smiles sadly. “That’s what’s going to mess him up. And he wanted to save those girls, I think that guy called them…”

“Briana. Ashley. They looked like sisters or something. I think they were related. But, really, I think Louis is going to be fine. He’s bereaved, he’ll just need some time.”

“Bereaved,” Harry snorts. “Well, you’re not wrong. I just… I don’t know.”

“You’re worried about him. You’re allowed to be– shit,” she cuts off, hissing through her teeth as Caroline presses around the wound. “You’re allowed to be worried. Just give him some space, for a little while at least.”

Harry nods, exhaling a breath. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

Eleanor smiles, clearly pained. “Me too.”

 

********

 

Harry hasn’t seen Louis since they got back from outside the walls. The sun has set and he’s been playing with Lux for a majority of the day, trying to counteract the horrid scene he saw earlier. 

“I think, maybe, you should go find Louis,” Lou says, sitting down next to Harry on the floor. “Lux should be getting to bed now anyway. And none of us have seen him since you lot got back.”

“Why me?” Harry asks, looking down at the block in his hands.

“Because Louis trusts you.”

“He trusts Zayn.”

“Yeah, he trusts Zayn. But he’s got a soft spot for you. Even softer than for Zayn.” 

Harry knows this is true, for the most part. He nods, exhaling a heavy breath. “I don’t know where he is. Nobody knows where he is.”

“Did you check your house?”

“His house,” Harry smiles sadly. “It’s his house.”

“Your house,” Lou insists. “Go find him. He won’t want to talk to me. Or anyone else.”

Harry pulls the Packers jacket that Louis gave him when they were at the DHEC on his way out the door. He heads down to their - Louis’ - house, deciding that there is the best place to start. Harry scours all throughout downstairs, not finding Louis.

He checks upstairs next, finding every room empty until he comes to an unused office-like room, where the window is wide open. It leads out onto the slanted roof, and Harry can see Louis sitting there.

“Hey,” he says softly, noting the 6 pack of beer sitting on the roof next to Louis. “Any room for me?”

Louis jumps a bit, turning to look. He’s got his forearm resting on his knees, cigarette between his delicate fingers. “Uh, yeah.”

Harry climbs through the window and sits beside Louis. “How much of it have you had to drink?”

“Look for yourself,” Louis replies, not making eye contact. Harry leans over and looks in the case, where two empty bottles have been put back, then eyes the one sitting by Louis’ side. “Halfway gone. Just got this a little while ago.”

“How many cigs?”

“Just a couple.” Louis shrugs. “I’m still trying not to smoke too much of them.”

“Yeah, I know.”

They fall silent, Harry doesn’t know what else to say. Eleanor said to give him time, which Harry’s given Louis plenty of. He isn’t sure what to do.

“I couldn’t leave her there,” Louis says suddenly. “We had this deal, her and I. We made it a long time ago. At the start. If either one of us should get bit or whatever, if we were in the position where we’d turn, we had to end it. We didn’t want to be left to turn. I had to do it, because Taylor always gave me hell if I slacked on my side of the deal.”

“You were really strong to do it,” Harry whispers. “I don’t know if I would’ve been able to.”

Louis exhales shakily and takes a drag on the cigarette. “I knew I had to. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I just left her there.” Harry waits for Louis to say something else, and sure enough, it comes. “She reminded me of my sister a little bit, I think. They kinda had similar personalities and they were both super into fashion, like all the high end stuff or whatever. Whenever I was on Skype with my family Taylor and the girls ended up talking more about fashion and makeup bloggers than I spoke about my courses. Taylor was gonna do better than me on our finals, too. I always told her that she wasn't, that I’d do way better than her, but I’d been zoning out in psych towards the end and there was no way I was doing better than her.”

Harry smiles, nodding. “I’m sure you would've done just fine.”

Louis lets out a choked laugh. “I don't think so. She wanted to be on Broadway, you know? That's why she moved to New York. She wanted to get into Juilliard, ideally, but she couldn't and NYU was there. We were living on west 52nd and everyday she either took a cab or a subway down to Broadway to work at this restaurant where the waiters all sing, they got pushed to Broadway too.”

“I didn't know that. I knew she could sing, but I didn't know she was going for Broadway.”

He nods, putting out his cigarette and picking up the beer. “I had to get out of my shitty town, that's why I moved. The second I was able to, I left. D’you want a beer?”

Harry shakes his head. “No, thank you.”

“Doncaster was a nice town, I didn't mean it was shitty. It's small, I felt like I was suffocating. It felt like everyone knew everything about me, and I hated it. Because some stuff I didn't want them to know. I didn't want them to know I was gay, not so soon, anyway. I didn't want them to know about times I’d shut down and shut out. But it still felt like everyone knew.”

Harry swallows hard. “Your family were okay with you leaving?” 

“My mum hated it. Said I’d be coming home six months later saying living alone in a big city was too difficult. But I was determined. I was going to acquire skill and get my name out there. I only went home for Christmas, that was it. And I worked hard while I was home.”

“You're upset, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to tell me.” Harry says calmly. He really appreciates Louis’ efforts, but knows that it's coming from the slightly intoxicated and grief stricken Louis, and completely sober and closed-off Louis might not want these things said.

“I know, I know,” Louis sniffles, wiping at his cheeks briefly. “I just… I want you to trust me. Because if you don't trust me, we don't have shit.”

“I do trust you,” Harry assures. It's completely true. Harry trusts Louis  _ so  _ much. “I don't really care about what I know about you. That was me overreacting. I don't want to make you even more upset.”

“Is Eleanor okay?” he asks, managing to spin the topic completely around.

“Caroline says she’s gonna be fine. Got her painkillers, gonna give it time to heal and then check mobilization. Maybe some mock-PT.”

“What about Zayn? And Perrie? How did they react to Taylor?”

“Um, Perrie cried. Like, really cried. Zayn comforted her and asked about you. Leigh-Anne was pretty stunned too.”

“I should've been there.”

“It doesn't matter. You couldn't make the situation any worse or any better. You can't change it.” 

“What if I didn't go for the gun after he’d made me kiss you? What if I got it faster or hollered at everyone else to get down too?” Louis’ brain is probably traveling at a hundred miles a minute, so fast that his mouth begins to stumble over the words. He looks over at Harry, and for the first time Harry sees Louis’ face.

His eyes are red and puffy, cheeks tear stained and hair askew. Harry can feel his own heart as it splits in two. “I just can't even imagine what would've happened if Zayn or you got hit with a bullet. I don't know what I would've done,” Louis admits. “And I don’t like saying that. Like, oh, I’m so glad it was her instead of you bullshit. It’s fucking rude and painful, but I don’t know what I would’ve done if it were you.”

Harry moves the beer bottle out of the way and let's Louis bury his face in his chest. He hates seeing Louis like this. It's the first time he's ever had a breakdown like this with Harry, and Harry already knows he never wants to see it again. For now, however, he’ll push the hair out of Louis’ face and hold him while the moon becomes more prominent and the stars come out.

He holds Louis until the sniffling stops and Louis sits up. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, laying down and staring up at the sky. “I hate this.”

Harry lays down as well. Their arms brush together and it sends goosebumps over Harry’s body that he hopes Louis doesn't feel. “I’ve told you that you don’t have to be sorry.”

“I’m not a spill-my-soul kind of person. I don’t like talk about shit like this.”

“I know. But it’s good. You took psych, you know it’s not good to bottle stuff up. You’ve gotta talk.”

“I don’t want to talk,” Louis says softly. “I just want to lay here. And be quiet. Can you do that?”

“Of course I can do that. We can just lay here.”

They're absolutely silent, listening to the crickets and something else Harry can hear, which he thinks may be a frog. He’s no nature guru, but he’s pretty sure it’s a frog. Harry counts the stars in a little cluster. “How long would it take to count the stars?” Harry asks suddenly, putting his hands behind his head.

Louis hums thoughtfully. “A long time. A lot of nights.”

“How many nights?”

“Too many.”

“I think if you were a constellation, you would be Aries. The ram.” Harry says. Louis gives a questioning hum this time. “Have you ever heard the story? Greek mythology says that Hermes sent Aries to rescue the king of Thessaly’s children from their abusive stepmother. One of the children fell along the way but Aries returned the other safely. Phrixus, the child that survived, sacrificed the ram and gave the golden fleece to the king, then Zeus put Aries’ constellation in the night sky.”

“Because he protected the children?” Louis asks.

“Yeah, exactly. From what you’ve told me about your siblings and what I’ve seen with Lux and everything, I think you’d be Aries. You could be Hercules or something, too. Someone strong.”

“I think maybe you’re just the stars, in general. I don’t know very much about the constellations, I mean I can point out the north star. That’s about it. The dippers, maybe. What would Taylor be?”

“Scorpio. Because the scorpion was sent to kill Orion, and Zeus memorialized the scorpion and put her in the sky opposite Orion to avoid conflict. I just think she should be remembered like that. Strong and… willing to sacrifice.”

Harry hears him exhale a shaky breath. “That makes sense. She could have quite the sting, too.”

Louis pauses, takes another shaky breath. “If we were pre-apocalypse and I’d lost her, if I lost anyone, I’d get high.  _ Shit,  _ I miss weed.”

Harry barks out a laugh, then promptly covers his mouth. “Shit! I’m sorry. I didn't mean–it's just… weed.”

“I know. You're fine. I miss it.”

“I wouldn't know. I've never really…”

“Oh my god, you've never smoked before?”

“Aside from that cigarette you let me bum, no. Well, one time I smoked weed. But I don't even think I did it right. There was too much coughing and not enough chilled out, high feeling.”

“Oh my god. First thing we do if we survive this, we’re gonna get high.”

“Did you do it a lot?”

Louis hums. Harry looks over at him. “All the time. Parties, downtime. We loved to smoke.”

“It's not healthy. Neither is smoking cigarettes.”

“I know. I’m gonna cut back. Taylor wanted me to,” Louis sniffs.

Harry can see tears pooling, so decides to try to keep the topic a bit happier. “I was a vegan, you know. Before.” Louis shakes his head. “Yeah. Really big into it, too. My mum and Gem hated it. But I was dead set. Would be about a year and a half in by now if this hadn't happened. Had to give it up, because beggars can't be choosers out here.”

“I could never be a vegan. The only green I ever had contact with was marijuana.”

Harry laughs, looking back up at the sky. “It’s not all salad, you idiot.”

Louis shocks Harry by placing his head on Harry’s chest and slotting a leg over Harry’s. “Today was hard. I hate it.”

“You’re strong,” Harry whispers. “I’d love to be as strong as you are.”

“I’m really not. This shows it. I’m gonna miss her.”

“I know. But you’re gonna get through it. She would want you to.”

Louis takes a deep breath and nods. Harry can feel his breathing hitch, like he’s starting to cry. He kisses Louis’ head and pulls him a bit closer, and looks up at the constellations, desperately searching to see if he can find Aries.


	11. Baby, I Think God Made Your Soul Born to Ramble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from Brandi Carlile's "Wilder (We're Chained)"

_ LOUIS _ **_._ **

 

Louis has always hated funerals. Ever since he was a kid and went to his grandmother’s funeral. He didn’t talk to anybody there, he just sat in the back of the room. His younger sister Lottie was the one who brought life into the sadness, a bright and bubbly little girl despite everything going on around her. He’s hated funerals ever since that day, and has had to attend a handful.

He’s standing here now in front of a cross marked with Taylor’s name while Perrie says a few words. He can’t stop thinking about how Taylor’s body isn’t actually beneath the soil, she’s lying out in the middle of the woods to be ravaged upon by walkers. It makes him feel sick to his stomach. Perrie wraps up and everybody heads their separate ways after paying their respects. But Louis just stands, unable to move.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Simon sighs, standing beside Louis. “She was a sweet girl.”

“She was strong,” Louis replies, eyes locked on the cross. “That’s what she was.”

“You are too. She’ll be missed.”

The words sound better coming from Harry, but Louis accepts the sympathy anyway. “I know.”

“So, you’re going to be okay?” Simon asks, even as Louis begins to walk away. Louis sighs, just wanting to get out of here. “You seem to have a good support system.”

Louis snorts. “I’m fine. I’ll be fine.”

“If you ever need anything you can always take it up with me. I hope I can do the same with you.”

“Um, yeah. Thank you. And of course, I guess.” It’s not really like Louis has an option, since Simon is the one who let them in.

“Alright, good. I’m glad. Again, I’m so sorry about Taylor. That kind of thing hasn’t happened in a long time.”

“Thank you.”

“Oh! I meant to ask you, I just wanna talk to you, about what happened. Not now, obviously. But maybe a bit later in the day, if that’s alright with you? I’d just like a bit more information on what happened.”

Louis’ eyebrows draw together, but he nods. “Okay. Are you going to talk to the others?”

Simon hums, considering for a moment. “I think I’d just like to hear it from you, actually.”

Again, Louis nods. He’s finally released from Simon and heads off in search of Harry. “Did Simon ask to talk to you?” he asks, sitting down on the porch steps. Harry shakes his head. “He wants to talk to me about what happened the other day, with Taylor. He hasn’t said anything to you?”

“Nope.

“I just thought it was weird that he only wants to talk to me.”

“I could come with you. Or Zayn could go, or something.” Harry offers, but Louis shakes his head no. Simon wanted Louis and Louis only, obviously, because he hasn’t tried to talk to anyone else. “Or you can just go alone. Let me know before you do? And what he says. I wanna know.”

“Yeah, of course.” 

“I’m watching Lux for Lou today so she can practice shooting a bit more, so… I’ll see you later?”

“I will see you later,” Louis confirms, nodding.

While Harry heads down the road, Louis stays on the front steps, not really knowing what else to do. They’ve put a hold on runs for the time being, after that fiasco. Louis wants nothing more than to get back out there and do something, rather than sit around this town where everyone is too happy and too sorry for his loss and everything is too calm. He wants to go back out to where they encountered those people and see if Taylor’s body is still there, or if it’s been devoured already. Then again he doesn’t really know if he could handle that, going back to the place where he failed to protect one of the people he loves.

After a few minutes of debating, Louis finally gets up and heads down the road to the main house, where he knows Simon should be. He stops at Lou’s and lets Harry know that he’s going down to see Simon.

He finds Simon in the kitchen, pouring a glass of whiskey. “Oh, good. You can talk now?” Simon asks, pouring another glass.

“Um, yeah. What did you wanna talk about?” Louis asks, taking the glass and sitting down across from him.

“I’d just like you to go through what happened, if you can. Just so I can get a better idea on what went wrong.”

“Nothing went  _ wrong,  _ really. Something unpredictable happened, but we couldn't have controlled it.” Three days ago if Louis was asked if he could've done something, he would have said yes, definitely. But Zayn and Harry have helped make it clear that nothing could have been done.

Simon nods. “I believe you, no need to get worked up. What happened?”

“We were just walking. We thought we’d find some supplies or people or something. We were looking for a car this time, like a van or a truck or something. Just to see if we could find one. We were walking, talking about whatever when we heard a gunshot, and could see two girls on their knees through the trees. The guy saw us, and made us come out.”

“So you listened?”

Louis nods, looking down at the glass in his hands. “I told Harry to stay behind the tree, because I thought I was going to be able to talk us out of it. I didn't think the guy would see him back there, and at least Harry would be able to get out.”

“What about the others?”

“They weren't with us. We hid in whatever spot we could that was close enough, and Harry was right there with me. Keeping one person safe is an accomplishment. Anyway, he saw us and made the girls and Harry kneel as well. First opportunity I got, I went for his gun. I got hit, the two girls and Taylor were killed.”

“How many men were there?”

“Three. They're all dead now, obviously.”

“Do you think they had a camp?” Simon asks, staring hard at Louis. He feels like he's being interrogated for something bad, and he doesn't like it.

“They had to have those girls somewhere. Do you know if there's anything else in the area like what you have here?”

“Not that I know of. Why, do you think there could be?”

“I think there’s definitely something. And now they’re a threat. A big one, once they find out what happened in the woods. If they know that  _ we  _ killed their men? That’s it.” Louis shakes his head, hoping Simon understands exactly how bad this could be.

“What do you suggest we do about it, then? A preemptive strike? Stop it before it starts?”

“No, I don’t think so. As far as we know they have no clue that we’re the ones who killed their men. Maybe they don’t even know that their men are gone. I think we need to get people back out there, looking to see where their place is.”

“You want to put people back out where we just lost someone? And had two people injured?”

Louis exhales a breath. “I don’t  _ like  _ it. I don’t want to put more people out where Taylor just got killed. But I think we should get a better understanding of what we’re dealing with, you know? Maybe we can, like, make a deal or something.”

“So now you think we should play let’s make a deal?”

“I’m just telling you. I’m not saying that we definitely should. It’s a suggestion. You can’t possibly know what’s right and what’s wrong out here. It’s all unpredictable. Is there anything else you need to know about what happened or do you just want to talk battle tactics?”

“Was there anything else you could have done?”

Louis hates thinking that he could have done something else. Even though Harry and Zayn have both said numerous times that nothing different could have happened, Louis still doubts it sometimes. “No, there was nothing else that could have been done.”

“Could you have gotten out of the situation without shooting those three men? Could the violence have been avoided?”

“I did what I had to do.”

Simon shakes his head. “Could you have avoided the violence? Because that isn’t something we value highly here-”

“I know that’s bullshit,” Louis interrupts, genuinely shocked that Simon was even prepared to make that statement. “From what I’ve heard you do use violence here,  _ you  _ in particular. So you can’t blame me for doing something in a desperate situation. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I did what I could with what I had. I wanted to get out of there with my people and I didn't want anyone hurt.”

“Who's told you violence is something I use here?” 

“Oh, everybody knows. It's the talk of the fucking town,” Louis grumbles, standing up so abruptly that his chair screeches across the hardwood floor. “Pleasure talking to you.” 

As Louis heads down the front porch, he curses himself for what just happened. He shouldn't have reacted that way, he should've answered the question simply and honestly and gotten on with his afternoon. He didn't have to make it such a big fucking deal. Louis gives himself hell for this, but knows that Zayn and Gemma will both probably make it even worse. 

“Hey!” Zayn calls, hurrying to catch up. “Seemed like you were in there for a while. Everything okay?”

“He asked me if it was necessary to shoot the guys. He said violence wasn't  _ highly valued _ here. What a load of bullshit that is, isn't it?” Louis laughs, in disbelief. “We’ve all heard what he's done to people who don't do exactly what he says. And he comes after me.” 

“Jesus Christ,” Zayn mutters. “I think you need to calm down a bit. Wanna come hang out with us for a while?”

“I need to not see everyone for a little while, is what I need. I’m really fucking pissed and I don't want to take it out on any of you.” 

Louis also really needs a smoke and probably a few beers. He still wants a joint, although Louis is sure he’ll never stumble upon any weed nowadays. “Alright. Lou, you sure you're okay? After Taylor?” 

Louis nods. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. We’ve got to move on.” 

He parts ways with Zayn and heads for his house, where Harry is in the living room hovering over a record player. “Look! I found this. An Arctic Monkeys record was the best thing I could find down here.” 

“That's great, kid,” Louis says distractedly, looking at the stock of alcohol they have access to. “What’ll it be tonight? Tequila? The cheap brand, though. Wine?” 

“Um, wine, I guess? What's wrong?” Harry asks, turning the volume down on the record player as  _ Do I Wanna Know  _ starts to play. 

“Simon’s a fucking dick, that's what. He just really pissed me off.” 

“What’d he say?” Harry leans against the counter and watches Louis pour wine into two cups. Not even wine glasses, they don't have access to those. 

“He asked what happened, I told him. He asked what I think we should do,” Louis begins, handing Harry a cup and continuing into the living room where the music is still playing. Louis can't say it now, but he appreciates the music selection. “I told him we shouldn't go in with violence, even though I know that's what he wants to do. I think we should investigate a little, maybe, just see who and what we’re dealing with.” 

“Is that it?” 

“He asked if I could've gotten out without killing those people. Because they don't support violence, or whatever.” 

Harry frowns, angling his body towards Louis and crossing his legs. “But he uses violence all the time. I heard what Caroline said that day.” 

“That's what I said! I flipped shit and I left. Now I really have to blow off steam.”

“Just don't do anything you’ll regret,” Harry says, rubbing circles over Louis’ knee with his thumb. “Or say anything that will come back to bite you in the ass. Even though I have a feeling it's kind of too late for that.” 

Louis shakes his head. “I don't regret saying or doing anything, is the thing. So if someone asks me if I’m sorry or whatever, I’ll have to lie and say I am when I’m really not. At all.” 

“So you lie. Don't make it such a big deal.” 

“It  _ is _ a big deal. He's not a good guy, Harry.” 

Harry nods. He hasn't moved his hand from Louis’ knee and hasn’t looked away from Louis’ face. Louis can feel him watching, carefully, every expression that flicks across his face. He can’t bring himself to make eye contact, though. “I know he’s not a good guy,” Louis says again. “I don’t trust him.” 

“So do you want to leave?” 

“No, I don’t wanna leave. But I don’t trust him at all. We can’t leave.” 

“We can watch him. I’m with him every single day, Lou. I can get in. We don’t have to leave, we don’t have to cause any trouble. If something really bad happens, we can figure out what we wanna do.” 

Louis sighs, but nods. The truth is that he doesn’t really know  _ what  _ to do in a situation like this. It’s so unpredictable and people are so unreliable and he’s kind of scared to see what comes next. For now, though, he’s determined to drink this entire bottle of wine. 

 

********

 

“I think it’s stupid,” Harry slurs, holding the newly opened bottle of wine to his chest. “Zombies. I think they’re stupid.” 

Louis laughs, attempting to focus his vision. He’s seeing two of Harry at the moment, which is both a blessing and a curse. “I agree.” 

“How does it even happen? I don’t understand. It’s in all of us, you know. Right now. Whatever’s making them turn is in us. So if I stabbed you right now, you’d end up turning. Whether you got bit or not.” 

“Are you planning on stabbing me?” Louis asks, leaning closer to Harry’s face. Harry shakes his head, breathing hot over Louis. “Good. Then I guess we both have nothing to worry about, yeah?” 

Harry giggles, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Louis’ mouth. “What do you think everyone else is doing?”

“They’re not with us getting drunk. They’re probably not even getting drunk. I feel bad.” Louis frowns. Harry laughs again. Louis loves, loves, loves making Harry laugh. He thinks Harry’s laugh is the best thing he’s ever heard, aside from Harry’s moan. Yeah, that’s pretty nice too. “But I’m also glad that it’s just us here.” 

Harry nods, pulling away from Louis just a bit to take a swig from the bottle. “How did they have all this alcohol here in the first place? What happens when it’s gone?” 

“The alcoholic a few doors down will have a tough time.” 

Harry hums, thinking. He gets a hint in his eye, which Louis has come to learn means Harry’s about to say something brilliant, or something entirely nonsensical. “Maybe he’s stocked up,” Harry says slowly, his brain working extra hard to make the sentence work. “Buuuut if  _ we  _ run out, we can have some of his!” 

He says it like it’s the best idea in the world, is the thing. It's not even a plan, it's definitely not the most genius thing Louis has ever heard. But Harry’s got so much wine coursing through his system and he honestly thinks this is the greatest idea he's ever had, so Louis breaks out into a grin. Maybe it's the alcohol or maybe it's just the fact that he's hopelessly smitten and fond, but Louis nods in agreement. “Yeah, maybe, kid. That could work.” 

Louis is sure that Harry’s face is going to split, he's smiling so big. Harry doesn't say anything, but Louis watches as the smile get smaller and smaller as the glint in his eye comes back and his look gets more mischievous. “What is it?” Louis asks, reaching for the bottle of wine. 

Harry holds it further away. “ _ Youuu can’t geeet iiiit,”  _ he sings obnoxiously, but Louis still feels so, hopelessly endeared. 

“What were you going to say?” Louis asks again, finally grabbing the bottle and managing not to fall flat in Harry’s lap. 

“I was going to say…” Harry pauses, watching Louis take a drink from the bottle. “I think that we should make out.”

“That isn’t what-” Louis starts, but Harry’s on him, pushing Louis onto his back. 

“It was what I was gonna say,” Harry remarks, sitting up and straddling Louis’ waist. He takes the bottle back from Louis, which miraculously hasn’t been spilled all over the sheets yet. “I always want to kiss you. All the time. When I saw you coming back from a supply run, I’d want to kiss you. Because you were safe.” 

“Even though I would be all sweaty and zombied up and gross?” Louis scrunches his nose. Those runs could get pretty nasty. 

Harry leans down closer to Louis’ ear, somewhat trying not to spill the wine. “ _ Especially  _ when you were like that.” 

Louis rolls his eyes. “That's  _ gross.”  _

“You're,” Harry pauses to kiss Louis’ neck, “hot. Can't help m’self sometimes. Just want you on me all the time.” 

“You're an idiot.” 

“Uncalled for!” Harry exclaims, sitting up abruptly. “ _ That,  _ sir, was uncalled for.” 

Louis can't do anything but look up at him and grin. He's here, helpless under Harry, completely smitten by everything he's doing. And, yes, Louis has quite a large amount of alcohol running through him at the moment, and yes, his thoughts don't really make that much sense, but he can still feel  _ all  _ the feelings. All of them. 

It's not long before they're sucking each other off, because they're drunk and smitten and bored. Also, Harry states that he would never pass up an opportunity to see Louis’ dick, so there's that. By the time it's over Louis can feel the drunk wearing off just a little bit, and can tell that Harry’s feeling the same way.

He gets up and opens the window to let some of the cooling evening air in before getting a cup of water from the bathroom. “Help you sober up a bit more.” 

“We drank a  _ lot  _ of wine,” Harry points out. “A blowjob and a cup of water won't help.” 

“You're already sounding a bit more sober, honestly. Just drink it. It won't hurt.” 

Harry obeys, downing the water before laying out on his back. Louis sits beside him, leaning back on his elbows and looking down at Harry. His eyes are locked on the ceiling, and Louis struggles to avoid getting lost in them. Harry says suddenly, “was Taylor gay?” 

Louis lets out a laugh. “She was bi. Why do you ask?” 

“Why are you laughing?” 

“I don’t know. She was pretty open with it, I just thought it was obvious or something. But I guess it wasn’t really. Uh, yeah. She was. Back in New York she was dating this really nice girl - Gigi. They split up right at the start of this. It was hard for Taylor. But she got through it.” 

“I had no idea.” 

“You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” Louis sighs. Harry doesn’t reply, so Louis just keeps on staring at the side of his face. Finally, a question dawns on him, “How come you knew all that stuff about the stars? When we were talking about Taylor. You knew the stories behind the constellations.” 

“I was really into astronomy and then Greek mythology. When I was young I fell in love with the stars, and as I got older I fell in love with the stories behind them. A lot of them come from Greece and have Greek mythological backgrounds and stuff. I think it's cool, an entire story in the sky, or something.” Harry says, not taking his eyes off the ceiling. It's like he can see straight through the roof and all the way up into space, right to Aries’ constellation. 

“What one’s your favourite?” 

Harry is quiet for a moment. Then, he says, “Hydra. The water snake. She had, like, nine heads. Some books say she had a hundred, but most people agree on nine. When Hercules was sent to slay her, it was really difficult because whenever he cut off a head, two new ones grew in. I want to be strong like that. I wanna be able to bounce back, you know? I like the story behind Hydra. Plus, her constellation is huge. It goes from Canis Minor almost to Libra.” 

“Can we see it in the sky? I know they're, like, monthly or something like that, aren't they?” Louis asks. He’ll blame his lack of knowledge on the alcohol for the time being. But really, Louis doesn't know shit about the stars. He knows they're pretty and he can find the North Star, but that's about it. 

Harry shakes his head. “Not now. In the northern hemisphere we can see Hydra until May. If we make it to next spring, I’ll show you Hydra.” 

“We’ll make it to next spring,” Louis assures. 

They don’t say anything. Louis keeps on staring at Harry, whose eyes continue flitting across the ceiling but never lose their green. “I’m falling in love with you,” Harry says suddenly, still not taking his eyes off the ceiling. 

Louis knows by now how alcohol works and affects his system. He knows it takes awhile to sober up, but right now, he's never felt more sober. At the same time, he's never felt more sick to his stomach. 

“No you're not,” he says slowly, sitting up all the way. “You're drunk.”

Harry let's out a laugh. “Yeah, I am. And so are you, and we wouldn't ever say this stuff sober.” 

His  _ s’ _ s slur together slightly, in a way that fifteen seconds ago, Louis would've found endearing and cute and silly. Now he can't even think about that. Louis swallows, hard. He doesn't know if he's searching for sanity or clarity or the fucking courage to get through this moment but, God, he needs something. “You're not. We’re not.” 

“Oh,  _ please,”  _ Harry groans exaggeratedly, rolling over on his side to look at Louis. “I am. I think you are too. Fuck, everybody knows.” 

“Nobody knows anything because there isn't anything to know,” Louis shakes his head. “You're drunk, I’m drunk.”  _ You're lying and you know it, you fucking idiot.  _

“So fucking  _ what,  _ Louis? You're drunk, I’m drunk, Lux is growing up in an awful world, Simon is a dick, you got shot, Nick is dead, Jesy is dead. Taylor is dead. Maybe tomorrow I’ll die! Or you! The world’s shit right now and I’m not one for waiting.” 

“You're not falling in love with me.” 

“Yes—”

“No.” Louis says sternly, standing up abruptly. He feels dizzy, but quickly straightens himself out. “You are not. Because there's no time for that here, Harry.  _ Love  _ or whatever has no place in a world like this. You can't throw yourself into another person in a place like this, there's no room for it. You have to worry about yourself and that's it. Love sends out fucking dopamine and oxytocin that clouds your judgement and everything and there's no room for that. You can have sex, plenty of sex. That's what we’ve been doing. Fucking, banging, shagging, screwing, whatever the hell you want to call it. Not love. I don't do love, this world doesn't do love.” 

Truly Sober Louis would have stopped. He would've stopped when he saw Harry’s face drop and his lip wobble. He would've shut the fuck up and apologized. But Terribly Drunk Louis keeps talking, then turns and walks out. He really wishes he was so drunk that he couldn't walk straight, let alone think straight. Louis has a feeling in his chest – one part guilt and three parts regret. He breathes the feeling out with the smoke of his cigarette and the cool night air. 

 

********

 

Louis pulls the trigger twice in a row, hitting relatively the same spot both times. As he goes to shoot again, Harry’s there, standing right beside him. “You're a real dick, you know?” 

Louis rolls his eyes and fires another shot. 

“You never came back inside last night and I wasn't sober enough to care where you were, let alone come and find you.” 

“Fell asleep on the couch.” Louis says simply, not taking his eyes off the target. 

“And you said all  _ that  _ to me. I remember it, Louis. Every last word. Etched into my brain for the rest of time.” Harry really sounds hurt, and Louis doesn't like the way that sounds. “I know you were drunk but you still said some really harsh shit!” 

“I know,” Louis replies.  _ I regret it.  _

“I was vulnerable and drunk and I was spilling my feelings to you because I trust you. Because I’m—”

“Don't say it,” Louis interrupts, holding a finger up before putting it back on the gun. “Do not say it, Harry.”  _ I’m sorry I hurt you.  _

Harry takes a deep breath, maybe trying to calm himself down. “Because I  _ have feelings  _ for you. If you want to handle this like we’re young kids with stupid crushes, fine. That's what we’ll do. Or we can handle it like we’re mid-twenty year olds in an extreme situation.” 

“I don't think the two are very different from each other, do you?”  _ I know you’re right. I’m sorry.  _

“They're really different, actually. How could you even think they're the same?” 

“What do you want from me, Harry? An apology?” Louis sighs, exasperated. He puts the gun down and finally turns to face Harry. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I said that said those things to you.”  _ I didn’t want to hurt you.  _

“That’s not what I want,” Harry says calmly. 

“What the fuck do you want, then? What do you want me to do? I can’t give you something that I can’t have or don’t want to give.”  _ I would try to give you anything I possibly could.  _

“Why don’t you want to give it?” 

Louis unloads the gun and starts away from the targets, back to the armory. He ignores Harry’s question, but Harry is persistent. “I don’t have anything to say, Harry.”  _ Please forgive me.  _

“I’m just walking to the same place as you. I never said I wanted you to say anything. We’re fucking or screwing or banging or shagging or whatever so we can’t even go to the same place? So sorry, Louis. I didn’t realize how big of an inconvenience my company was.” 

Louis returns the gun and thinks Harry will have given up by the time he gets back outside, but Harry’s still standing there waiting. Louis says nothing to him. 

“Wow, now you won’t say anything! Very big and mature of you.” 

Louis stops abruptly, turning around to face him. “I don’t want to say anything because I know if I open my mouth I’m going to say something I regret. I’m going to say something that shouldn’t be said and fuck everything up even more.”  _ I’ve hurt you enough already.  _

“What, like that you’re in love with me too? That tiny four letter word scares the shit out of you, doesn’t it?” 

“I don’t have to explain myself to you. I told you last night, that’s it.” 

“That’s not  _ it,  _ Louis. You do have to explain yourself to me, because we had something, whatever you want to call it. We had a thing and you made me fall for you and now you’re being a dick, and you owe me an explanation. It can’t be that bad, Louis.” 

“I don’t want to have love or romance or whatever. I don’t want it.” 

Harry nods, clearly attempting to remain calm. “Why not?” 

Louis sighs heavily, putting both hands on his hips. He swallows before saying, “I don’t want to do it here. I don’t want to fight here in the street like this.” 

Harry nods again. Without another word, they both head back to the house, shutting the door behind them. “I don’t appreciate being interrogated in the street like that,” Louis says. “Let’s get that out of the way first.” 

“I don’t really care, let’s get that out of the way first. I don’t appreciate what you said to me last night and the way you’re being with me now.” 

“You aren’t in love with me,” Louis says firmly, sliding his shoes off. “You can’t be in love with me. We can’t be in love.” 

“Why  _ not,  _ Louis? We’re not getting any younger, the world isn’t getting any better anytime soon. You’re afraid, I know, I just don’t know why. Is it something that has to do with before? Your past? When you were a kid? Or do you just not like me that way? You can tell me, whatever it is. I can take it, you know, I’m not weak like Gemma thinks I am.” 

Louis knows very well that Harry is not weak in any way. He’s strong, physically, mentally and emotionally. “I know that,” he replies. “I just… I don’t know.” 

“Please tell me!” Harry’s finally yelling, something Louis thinks he’s been waiting a long time to do. “I don’t give a shit what it is! But I don’t want to be picked up and used just for sex. I don’t like that. I know that I don’t deserve that. Nobody does. Just please tell me what you’re thinking, because this silence is absolutely deafening and I can’t take it any longer.” 

Louis takes a step closer, trying to decide what to say. His thoughts churn as he meets Harry’s expectant, sad eyes. “I don’t know if I can.” 

“Why. Not.” Harry annunciates. Louis can feel his breath and smell the cologne he’s been using. They found it in a drawer in the bedroom and Harry fell in love with the way it smelled, so he’s been using it ever since.

“Because then you won’t look at me in the same way. I don’t want to open myself up, it’s not what I do.” Louis is being more honest now than he ever has, which terrifies him beyond belief. “I don’t want to say it because I don’t want you to look at me differently or whatever.” 

Harry licks his lips. Lowering his voice, he says, “I could never. Anything you could tell me, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care. I could never look at you differently or not want you or anything like that. I just want to know. Because if you don’t tell me…” Harry pauses, shaking his head. “I don’t even know. I just need you to tell me. I told you I can take it.” 

Louis speaks against his better judgement. Against every single thing within him saying no, he continues talking. “I was going to get married,” he says, so quietly that it can barely be heard. “Before this happened.” 

“Wha-hang on. What?” 

Louis sighs, hoping to come off as unbothered or unaffected but he’s sure Harry has seen past it already. He turns and heads for the kitchen, takes a bottle of water from the fridge even though the voice in his head is yelling at him to find the whiskey. He keeps his eyes locked on the window, the chair, the floor — anything other than Harry. “We met playing footie when we were like seven. When we were older, you know, shit happened… But little boys in Doncaster aren't supposed to date other boys in Doncaster, but we didn't really care. Stan, he… was my best friend. But we got older and things change and people grow apart. I went to NYU but I still hoped we’d work. One day I called to talk to him, because I wanted to make it official. Seal the deal, the whole thing. But another guy answered his fucking phone. I told him to tell Stan that I hated him. Then three weeks later this happened. And I don't…” 

“You don't know if he's okay,” Harry fills in, voice softer than Louis’ ever heard it. “You still love him?” 

“I don't really know,” Louis answers brokenly. “But I know he's gone. There's no way. And it fucking breaks my heart to say it, but I just don't… There isn't a way. Everything back home is gone.” 

“I know.”

“That's why I’m so… you know… because I feel like I’m still attached to him in some way. It's stupid.” 

Harry steps into Louis’ line of sight, exactly what Louis didn't want to happen. “It's okay. I understand. You still trust me, don't you?” 

Louis doesn't really think he has to say that if he didn't trust Harry, none of this would have been said. He only would say this if he trusted the person he was saying it to. He nods, and Harry continues, “It's not a bad thing. I promise you, it's not. It doesn't change anything. Unless you want me to back off or you want to stop sleeping together or anything.” 

“I don't. I don't want that.” 

Harry nods. “Okay, good.” 

They look at each other for a moment, silent. Louis drinks Harry in, pretty lips and hair and eyes that draw him in so deep. “I’m sorry, he says finally. Harry just nods. 


	12. I'm Tearing Through the Pages and the Ink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> title from Halsey's "Colors"

_ HARRY _ **_._ **

 

“Did you know about Stan?” Harry asks thoughtfully, pulling out a blade of grass. 

“Yeah,” Zayn replies, simply, like this is nothing. “Why?”

“Was he ever going to tell me?”

“Do you want me to be honest with you or do you want me to lie?”

“Honest,” Harry replies. “I can take it.”

“Alright. All honesty, I’m surprised he told you. At all. And willingly. You didn't have a gun to his head threatening his life. I’m surprised he told you.” Before Harry can ask why, Zayn continues, “he doesn't do that. Louis doesn't talk about his feelings. He doesn't talk about his mum or his sisters or anything before. He especially doesn't talk about his love life. Louis told us about Stan one time, and that was it. We never spoke about him again.”

“Would you have told me?”

“It's not my place to tell you that.”

Harry nods. “Why’d he tell  _ me _ then?”

Zayn leans back on his hands and looks over at Harry. “Honestly? I don't know. Louis is… complicated. He's complicated and has his own way of thinking and absolutely nothing makes sense to anyone else but him. He's dense sometimes. I have no idea why he told you. Louis builds up these walls nowadays and he doesn't let anyone in them. It's hard enough to get him to open up as it is, let alone somebody he likes. That's probably—”

“Likes. You think he likes me?” Harry asks, not even caring that Zayn can definitely hear the excitement in his voice.

“Of course he does. Everybody likes you. Why do you think he wants to protect you?”

“Like-likes me? Like, romantically likes me?”

Zayn’s eyes go wide, like a deer in headlights. “I’ve gotta go.”

“What!? No!”

Zayn nods, standing up. “Gotta go. Promised I’d meet Perrie. Special night, you know. Good talk, Hazza!”

“Zayn!” Harry yells. But Zayn doesn't even turn around.

Gemma, however, stops in her tracks and looks over at Harry. “Problem, H?”

Harry shakes his head. Gemma surprises him by coming and sitting down where Zayn was previously sat. “What’s up?” she asks, and Harry shrugs. “What were you talking to Zayn about?”

“Nothing important,” Harry lies, pulling a dandelion from the ground. “What're you up to?”

“ _ Nothing important _ ,” Gemma mocks. “Come on, just tell me,” she presses. “It was about Louis, wasn't it?”

“What makes you think that?” Harry already sounds defensive, and he knows he's given himself away.

“You were talking to Louis’ best mate, and now you're all weird. What about him?”

Harry sighs, leaning back on his elbows. He really, really debates telling Gemma. “Just something from before. I was asking Zayn if he knew anything. It's nothing, really.”  _ it's actually something very big that I have not stopped thinking about. _

“What is the thing? You can tell me, Haz. Relax.”

“He was, um, he was supposed to get married. He wanted to, anyway. To this guy he’d been seeing since they were young. But it fell apart.”

“No fucking way,” Gemma breathes out, staring at Harry in disbelief. “I thought he was more of a bachelor, one night stand kind of guy. Louis Tomlinson getting tied down.”

“I know, that's what I thought. That's why I kept telling myself that it's stupid to get involved with him. But then he comes and he tells me this story about how he got his heart broken. And he says that he thought the relationship would keep working despite the distance, he was hopeful, and it makes me see him in a whole other light.”

“Maybe that's a good thing. I mean, he thought the relationship would continue working. He was willing to put in the effort, he was willing to try. That's a good sign. And now you know he's able to commit.”

Harry shakes his head. “I don't think he's the same. He’ll never commit in a relationship like that again.”

“Well, maybe you're right. But just remember what mum always told us. You can't set out to change someone, but you can set out to have an impact on them. This way they’ll be able to try to change themselves.”

Harry rolls his eyes. He hates how sensible and smart Gemma can be. She is right, as cheesy and annoying as it may be. Their mother used to say that to them all the time, and it makes sense in this moment and this situation with Louis. “Stop thinking about it for a while. We’re going to go outside later. Like, on the other side. Liam, Niall, Kendall, Soph and I. Do you wanna come?”

Harry nods. “Yeah, sure. I’ll come. Thanks.”

Gemma pats his knee before standing up. “The world may be falling apart, but you can still count on me for some great advice,” she winks, stretching her arms above her head. “Meet by the gate in like an hour, yeah?”

He watches her walk away, and despite Gemma’s advice to stop thinking about it, he continues thinking about it. But Harry finds himself thinking about Louis a majority of the time, so this really isn’t any different. Finally, he figures that he should at least attempt to get ready to go on the run with Gemma and the others, so Harry gets up and heads across the town to his and Louis’ house. That feels weird to say - calling it  _ Harry and Louis’ house -  _ but it’s something Harry’s noticed almost all of their friends doing, so he’s decided that it’s alright for the time being.

Harry changes into more run-appropriate clothing first - black jeans and a jacket over his tee shirt. He takes the knife Louis managed to keep ahold of when they got here (everything else got taken to the armory, despite various protests from the entire group), makes sure his shoes are tied before going back downstairs.

He stops at the couch, where Louis is sound asleep. Harry debates whether or not it’s worth waking Louis up to say goodbye. He watches the frantic, rapid movement behind Louis’ eyelids and wonders what demons are chasing him. Deciding to pull Louis from the hold of the demons, he bends down and kisses Louis’ forehead. Louis stirs, eyes blinking open slowly. “Hey, Haz,” he hums, closing his eyes again. “What’s up?”

“I’m going on a run with Gem, Liam, Niall, Kendall and Soph. I’ll be back later, okay?”

“Are you sure you wanna go?”

Harry hums. “I’m sure. And, no, I don’t want you to come. I’ll see you when I get back.”

Louis nods, nuzzling back into the pillow without giving it a lot of thought. Harry stands for a moment and studies Louis’ peaceful face, briefly wondering if it’s the last time he’ll ever see it. Gemma would yell at him, tell Harry not to think like that, but sometimes he just can’t help it.

“It's about time,” Liam grins at him as Harry nears the gate. “We were about to leave without you.”

“You would never,” Harry gasps, pretending to be offended. Liam laughs, adjusting the bag on his shoulder. “What’re we doing this fine afternoon?”

“Just getting out. None of us have been out since… you know. And I understand if you don't—”

Harry shakes his head and cuts Sophia off. “Nope. I’m ready let's go.”

As they head out, they start a conversation as if this is normal. They talk about what bands or singers they’d seen live in concert, getting a bit too excited when someone says that they’ve seen the same artist. Harry begins to recognise the area they're in, but it's too late to stop and turn around by the time he realizes.

“This is where it happened, right?” Kendall asks softly, studying Harry’s face carefully.

Harry nods, staring right at the spot he’d been kneeling and praying everything would be okay. He can still see the three men and Louis’ hard expression. Taylor’s body is gone, which is both a blessing and a curse in all the worst ways. Blood still paints the ground, having gone a long time without rain. Harry really, really wishes it’d fucking rain.

“All the bodies are gone,” Niall points out. “So either something ate them…”

“Or they turned,” Harry fills in. “I know Taylor didn't. So something moved and ate them.”

“How do you know Taylor didn't?” Liam asks. “They always do.”

“Not unless you get them before they turn,” Kendall replies. “Who did it?”

“Louis. I wouldn't have been able to. I didn't even think to.” Harry admits.

“Let's get out of here,” Gemma suggests, putting a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “We shouldn't stay here any longer than we have to.”

Harry is still for a minute, then nods in agreement and turns the other way.

 

********

 

“Louis?” Harry calls, shutting the door behind him. “I’m alive!” 

There's no reply. Harry almost thinks Louis is still sleeping, except he can see someone moving in the kitchen. He continues around the corner, where Louis is standing at the counter. “Hey. What’re you doing?”

“Making a cocktail,” Louis replies casually, taking a sip from the concoction. “Don't even know what I put in here. Want some?”

“I’m good, thanks,” Harry smiles. “What did you do while I was gone?”

“The usual. Add to my shrine for you, wait impatiently for your arrival,” he shrugs. Harry can see the smirk behind Louis’ cup. “I actually saw Simon, and I saw Lou as well.”

Harry arches his eyebrows. “What  _ ever  _ did you have to say to Simon?”

“I just ran into him, I wasn’t looking to talk. I was on my way to see Lou and Lux. We discussed the security of the walls and he briefly mentioned a desire to reconstruct the wall on the south side, since walkers keep hitting into it and making it cave in, and briefly discussed a desire to expand. I didn't tell him that his expansion will fail because everybody hates him.”

Harry barks out a laugh. “Everybody doesn't hate him.”

“If he hurts another person in this town, they just might. I mean, Kendall told you what he did to that Cheryl lady, right?”

“Killed her! I’m sure that's true.”

“Harry, we’re not living in some episode of The Twilight Zone or something. He killed her. Aliens didn't come and she didn't turn into a monster.”

“Alright, alright. What did you talk to Lou about?”

Louis takes a death. “Played with Lux, discussed what I discussed with Simon in the street. Oh, and she gave me this,” Louis pauses and reaches behind him. He extends a box to Harry. “Apparently Harry Styles is into photography, and Lou found this. Asked me to give it to you.”

Harry can't handle this - the way Louis is speaking. He's being flirty, is what he's doing, and Harry can't handle it. He manages to take the box from Louis and open it up, surprised to see a polaroid camera inside. “It has film?” he asks, the surprise not hidden from his voice. 

Louis nods. “Yeah, Lou said something about film. Not a lot, I would imagine, but enough.”

“I’ll have to thank her.”

“I'm going to find Zayn, I wanna talk to him about something. See you later?”

Harry nods, sort of grateful to have Louis leave the house for a while. Ever since Louis revealed the fact that he was ready to propose to his long term boyfriend a few days ago, things have felt odd. Louis has seemed floaty and distant, but Harry knows that his own behaviour has been the same way. Neither one of them wants to talk about it, because it's touchy and awkward and neither know how to handle the situation. Harry can't say that he prefers the way things are now, though — not too much chatting, and when they do, it's floaty and flirty, nonchalant.

After a lengthy shower and a change into new clothes, Harry takes the camera and crawls out onto the roof that he and Louis have begun to spend a lot of time on. The sun has finally started setting, signalling the end to a very long day. Harry takes just one picture of it to test the camera out. It comes out nice. 

It's not long before he hears Louis come into the bedroom. There's a thud on the floor, probably Louis removing his shoes. The window opens and Louis sits down beside Harry. “Whatcha doing?”

“Nothing.”

“Took a picture I see.”

Harry nods. “Yeah, it's a nice camera. I’m glad she found it. It was nice of her to think of me.”

“I’m glad you enjoy it. We all need something, you know what I mean?” Louis asks, and Harry shrugs. “Take another picture, I want to see how it works.”

“Take a picture of what? I don’t want to waste perfectly good film,” Harry frowns, staring down at the camera.

Louis, without hesitation, sprawls out across the roof so quickly that Harry fears he may fall off. “Photograph me like one of your french girls,” he whispers, attempting a seductive look that Harry hates (truly hates) to admit would probably work on him. He laughs, shaking his head. “Just take a picture of me. What happens if I die tomorrow? You won’t have anything to remember me by.”

“I’ll take it when you’re least expecting it,” Harry reasons, studying Louis carefully. Louis groans, not sitting up from his dramatic position as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his cigarettes. As he smokes, Harry waits for the perfect opportunity to take the photo. When he does, Louis looks at him, full of shock. “What is it?”

“I wasn’t ready! You took it and I wasn’t ready! I’m going to look like a disaster, Harold!” he cries, scrambling to sit up without putting out the cigarette.

Harry shakes the polaroid, wanting the picture to just _show_ _up_ _already_ so he can see how Louis looks. There’s no doubt in his mind that Louis looks beautiful, as always. It finally fades into view, but he holds it out of Louis’ grasp. The boy’s eyes are open, cast up towards the sky as he exhales a puff of smoke. His eyes look so, so blue. “You look beautiful,” Harry says, almost breathless but hoping Louis can’t tell.

“Give it to me. I look stupid and we must burn it.”

“We don’t have to burn anything,” Harry rolls his eyes, showing Louis the picture but not allowing him to grab it. “You look stunning. Give yourself some credit.”

Louis shrugs, leaning back on his free hand and keeping his body angled towards Harry. “How was the run today?”

“It was fine. We kinda just walked around. We didn’t really find anything good,” Harry replies. “We, um, ended up back at where it happened. The whole thing.”

“Are the bodies gone?”

Harry nods. “I assume the two girls and men turned. But that means-”

“Something ate Taylor. Took her away from the site,” Louis nods, understanding. Harry suspects Louis has thought about this  _ a lot  _ since it happened. He hates thinking about Louis putting him through the agony of what happened, over and over again and not being able to escape it. “At least she’s not just… laying there anymore.”

They don’t say anything. Harry isn’t sure what he could say to ease the ache in Louis’ heart at the loss of his best friend. He doesn’t want to say the wrong thing and make the situation worse. He doesn’t know what Louis wants or how to make the pain disappear. So he says nothing. But, Louis doesn’t say anything either, maybe he doesn’t know what to say either. Harry attempts to find some comfort in that, but doesn’t have much luck. 

There's a soft rumbling in the distance. Both boys look up at the darkening sky. A second later, begins to rain.

“Shit,” Louis mutters, clearly wanting to get out of the rain but not moving very fast to do so.

They both make it through the window without managing to get completely soaked. “It hasn't rained in forever,” Harry whispers. He thinks back to the woods earlier, how the blood still covered the ground as an ugly reminder of the lives lost. “The blood will wash away now.”

“What?” Louis is fixing his hair in the mirror, pausing to give Harry a confused look.

“Your hair looks fine,” Harry says. “And in the woods, where it happened. There was still blood when we were there today, a whole lot of it. Now it's raining, and it'll get washed away.”

Louis shakes his head, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Harry wishes he’d talk about what's going on inside that beautiful, beautiful mind of his. “I haven't stopped thinking about her. Taylor. Or Jesy. Or Stan. And I wish I could. Because I told you, the only way I can continue out here like this is if I don't think about what I’ve lost or what things look like back home. I don't want to think about it. Whether or not Stanley and—”

“Stop thinking about it,” Harry says quickly. He wishes he could take all of Louis’ pain away. “Let’s do something!”

“Like  _ what,  _ Harry?”

“I don't know.”

Louis laughs, but it's not a joyous one, it's more defeated. He lays back on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. Both Harry and Louis have grown accustomed to staring at that very same ceiling, Harry thinks. “The wall on the other side of this place is going to fall,” Louis says, monotone. Harry really, really wants to take the pain and suffering and stress away. “Zayn and I were over there earlier. The amount of walkers grows by the day. They're really pushing on it.”

“Can't we go out and take them hand to hand?”

“There's always more. Just like there's always more toothpaste if you have your mum come squeeze it out, just like there's always more bad people in the world. We could go down there and take them out, but more would come. We live life normally here, Harry. Like, the volume is normal and everything. I could hear somebody blasting music further down the road. We attract so many of them.”

“At least we’re safe for now. We have running water and heat and air conditioning and Lux is in a stable place. The people living here have been here since the beginning, they’re still living in a little bubble that hasn’t changed at all. They’re living like it’s normal life.”

“It’s far from normal life,” Louis says softly. “They’ve all been closed off and unexposed. When that wall comes down…” he trails off, shaking his head.

“I think you underestimate. I was just like them at first. But then shit hit the fan and I toughened up.” 

“I know you did. I know.”

Harry has no doubt that Louis knows. He thinks Louis is just upset now, he's worked up and really should probably just go to sleep. He suggests this, and Louis laughs in response. But he goes with it, changing and getting into bed. Harry thinks about what Louis said - are the people here sheltered? Is Simon the one sheltering them? Obviously he is, he's the one who controls everything here, he controls what they know and what they don't know. He wonders if Simon let them have training in self defense, how to shoot, how to kill a walker if it comes down to it.

“Louis,” he whispers, long after the lights went out. Surely Louis is asleep, Harry doesn't even know why he’s bothering. “Lou.” he says again. To his surprise, Louis hums. “Do you think the people here got training? Weapons and stuff?”

“Probably not,” Louis breathes in deeply, rolling onto his stomach and turning his face towards Harry. “Maybe super, super basics.”

“I think we should teach them.”

Louis hums again. “Teaching civilians how to use weapons won't make everything all good and well. Might do more harm than good. What does a mother of three need to know how to use a semi-automatic for?”

“I don't want to teach them how to use an AK-47 or anything like that. Basic knife training, basic target practice with simple handguns.”

“Simon probably won't go for it.”

“Will you teach me how to use one of the shotguns? The big fancy ones that you and Zayn have been shooting.”

Louis nods, eyes finally slipping shut again. “Maybe, kid. We’ll see.”

Harry knows for a fact that Louis will teach him. If Louis defies the odds and says no, he’ll just ask Zayn or Liam. Even Lou has been getting more target practice, so Harry figures he could get some practice too.

By the time the morning comes, Harry has barely slept. He figures decent sleep won't come at any point, so he gets up when the time on the one remaining analog clock in the entire world (probably) ticks to seven. He looks outside, somewhat pleased to see it's actually  _ still raining.  _ Not as hard as it had been last night, but still raining. The sun is trying to come through the dark clouds, but Harry doesn't think the clouds are willing to give. The camera is sitting on the table under the window, the picture of Louis right beside it. Harry picks it up and finds himself staring. It's a good picture, and Harry wants to have a hundred more of them.

While he's brushing his teeth, Harry hears what sounds like the door slamming shut downstairs. He peers into the bedroom to see if Louis is still in the bed. Shock runs down his spine when he sees Louis still sleeping peacefully. Harry doesn’t finish brushing his teeth, just puts the toothbrush down and grabs the knife Louis keeps on the nightstand before heading slowly downstairs. The kitchen is where he turns first, he turns the corner with the knife up.

“Hey!” Niall exclaims, holding his hands up. “Calm down, jeez.”

Harry breathes out a sigh of relief. It’s only Niall. He wasn’t sure who else (or what else, for that matter) it could have been. If anyone asks, Harry will say he wasn’t scared in the least. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Just paying my favourite people a visit. Jesus. Why’re you coming down here all stabby?”

Harry laughs at Niall’s choice of words. “I didn’t know who you were. If you were Simon or the drunk guy a few doors down or a walker… I didn’t know.”

“Mhm… Lou’s got you worried about Simon too? He and Gem were talking about it the other day.”

“Louis is always worried about Simon. I see where he’s coming from, though. It makes sense,” Harry shrugs. “Want breakfast?”

“I already ate, thanks though. Do you think Simon’s dangerous?” Niall asks, pushing himself up on the countertop.

“I…” Harry pauses, trying to think out his answer. “I trust Louis. I trust Louis, and he doesn't trust Simon.”

“We can't just follow him blindly—”

“We’re totally not following him blindly, Niall. You know it. Every decision that's made is made as a group.”

Niall nods. “I mean, yeah. I guess you're right. What's going on with you two anyway?”

“Nothing.”

“What do you mean nothing? There's obviously something.” Niall sing-songs, kicking his feet against the cabinet. Harry rolls his eyes. It's nothing, and maybe that's a big part of the problem. “Hm. There is something, but I can't figure out what it is. Just tell me.”

“Is nothing. Literally nothing.”

“Like… dead zone? Radio silence? Zero communication?”

Harry nods. “Pretty much. We kept sleeping together for a while. Then I told him… something that I shouldn't have and we had a fight or whatever. He said some pretty hurtful shit, I yelled at him and he yelled back. He told me about Stan, and that's been it.”

“So… nothing. But you're still, like, coupley. You know what I mean?” Niall asks, eyebrows drawn together. Harry shakes his head. “Like, couples are couples. They cook each other meals and look out for each other and spend every possible minute together and know everything about each other. They share houses and they share beds — which I believe you still are. You're still all coupled up.”

“I don't know,” Harry admits. “I don't know what it means. Can I ask you something?”

Niall nods. “Anything, compadre.”

Harry fights to keep from rolling his eyes at Niall’s language and eagerness. “What should I do?”

Niall laughs. Fucking  _ laughs.  _ Harry worries he might wake Louis up, but then realizes that since arriving to this little town Louis could probably sleep through a tornado. Once he’s sobered up, Niall replies, “I can't tell you what to do. I know that's what you may want – for me or Zayn or Perrie or Gemma to tell you what to do and how to handle the situation, but we can't. None of us can. Even if Zayn and Perrie know Louis as well as they know themselves. You talked to Z already, am I right? What’d he say?”

“That Louis likes me. When I asked if it was a like-like, the romantic like, he walked away.”

“Like-like,” Niall says under his breath. “What are you, twelve?”

“No.”

Niall shakes his head. “I don't know what to tell you. Except, maybe… Bear with me, this idea may be a little wild… you could… talk to Louis? I don't know, it's just a suggestion! Just a little on the wild side!” he says dramatically, holding his hands up.

“You're ridiculous. You're obnoxious, as well as stupid. Louis won't just talk about that. I practically had to break his arm to get him to tell me about why he couldn't have me falling in love with him. Even though that's gone to shit and it's too late. He won't just talk about love and romance and the stars aligning and fate.”

“Call me crazy, but he's a key part to your karass.”

“My ass?”

“ _ Kar _ ass.”

“I’m sorry, what the fuck is that?”

“Ever hear of Kurt Vonnegut?” Niall asks, and Harry nods. He wonders how he got this point, listening to this boy talk about a word that sounds a lot like ass but apparently has nothing to do with asses. “He created this karass. People are linked cosmically, even when the superficial links aren't significant or even there. Fated. Destined. He is a part of your karass.”

“Who else is in my karass?” Harry narrows his eyes. Harry wishes that he could say he's wary of this new term, but it kind of makes sense. And he likes learning about new things.

Niall shrugs, pushing himself off the counter. He continues speaking as he walks out of the room. “Think about it, curly. It's not that complicated. People you may not have evident superficial links to, but suspect you may be linked cosmically. You know this already, Styles, the universe is a powerful force!”

Harry now wonders how he hadn't known how philosophical Niall is. He would've expected this from Zayn or even Liam before he heard it from Niall. Once he leaves, Harry takes the knife back upstairs to the dimly lit bedroom. He can make out Louis’ silhouette sitting up in bed now, even before he enters the room.

“Morning,” he says, putting the knife back down.

Louis quirks an eyebrow. “Who was downstairs, kid?”

“Niall. He welcomed himself in. I didn't know who it was. Did you know he was philosophical? Like, that kid just got deep.”

Louis shakes his head, standing up and stretching his arms over his head. Harry has learned that it goes like this every morning, Louis gets up and does the exact same thing. “I’m going out today. On the other side of the wall.”

“You said that yesterday.”  _ And the day before that, and the day before that.  _ It’s a never ending cycle. Louis can never bring himself to go, and Harry hasn’t really figured out why.

“Yeah, well today I’m actually going. I need to get out of here and do something. Kendall said she’d take me as soon as I’m ready, and I’m ready. I’m taking a shower and then I’m going.”

Harry really hopes this is true. He can see how much hurt Louis has been feeling in the weeks since Taylor’s murder (Harry has chosen to call it a murder, because that’s what happened. She didn’t pass away peacefully. She was murdered). Nearly an hour later, Harry is seeing Louis off. They don’t say goodbye, Louis just says a cheery ‘see you later!’ and Harry hopes some more that this all ends up okay.

 

********

 

With Louis gone, Harry does a lot of thinking about his  _ karass.  _ He thinks about the people that he’s met along the way, since the start of this whole mess. Harry determines that those he’s with now, those he’s ran into and stuck with, are the ones in his karass. Andy, Eleanor and Sophia. Leigh-Anne. Zayn, Perrie and Leigh-Anne. And Louis. Especially Louis. The idea of these people cosmically connected even though they have no superficial ties really fascinates him. Since the end of life as everyone once knew it, Harry hasn’t really been able to educate himself or dive into anything new. The biggest thing Harry got involved with was the stars, the constellations and the stories. 

The idea of a karass really gives Harry some comfort, truthfully. Just thinking that even though it seems like nothing will work out physically, things may still work out in an unforeseen manner is oddly comforting.

A lonely, uneventful day leads to Harry baking a batch of cookies. He has to charm the supplies out of a very stubborn woman working at the pantry, but she eventually agrees to letting him have the chocolate.

Once they're done, Harry takes a cookie to eat outside on the front porch as the sun begins to fall lower in the afternoon sky. He can hear Louis before he can even see him, which makes Harry break out into a grin. He’s rather shocked Louis’ laugh hasn't put a stop to this whole zombie apocalypse already. His laugh has a way of making Harry’s world slow down for a moment.

Louis is walking with a young man probably around their age. The man is laughing, Louis probably cracked a joke or said something stupid. He looks vaguely familiar, Harry has definitely seen him around the town before. The man continues down the street, but Louis comes up the porch steps.

“Entertained him there, did you?” Harry asks, arching his eyebrows.

Louis leans against the railing and begins untying his shoelaces. “Charmed his fucking socks off.”

“You were flirting, then?”

Louis looks up, giving Harry a glimpse at the smug smirk plastered on his face. “Maybe a bit. His name's Adam, he was close with Taylor.” Ah, so that's where Harry knows him from. “He also happens to work a shift at the armory. They don't typically lend out the big guns to typical civilians, but yours truly charmed his  _ fucking  _ socks off and is gonna let me have one soon.”

“So you're going to teach me?” Harry is over excited. He doesn't think Louis cares very much.

“I can teach you. Can we acknowledge how I charmed him, though?”

“You must be proud,” Harry laughs.

There's no doubt in his mind that Louis had Adam wrapped around his finger from the moment they began talking. Louis’ a charmer, a flirt, he's good at winning people over. He easily won Harry over within the first conversation they had. Even the straight boys have a difficult time avoiding falling for Louis’ persona, so the gays (and Harry) really have no chance whatsoever. He can't quite figure out  _ what  _ it is about Louis – his charisma, his personality in general, maybe his accent (thick Yorkshire, Harry hopes it doesn't lose its edge), or maybe it's the award-deserving smile or eyes that have entire galaxies in them.

Whatever it is, Louis is the charming type, and he's pretty damn proud of it. “You really charmed his socks off,” Harry continues, shaking his head fondly.

“Don't get your feelings hurt, curly, you're still the number one charmer around here.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “You've got me beat by a mile, it seems.” This is Louis’ first really good day in a while, so Harry will continue to play into this.

“You're doing it now. Quiet the charmer. Alright. I’m gonna go get washed up. I promised Lou I’d watch Lux tonight so she could go over to Leigh-Anne's and get drunk,” Louis takes his shoes and starts heading into the house, but stops abruptly and turns back to Harry. “Oh! I meant to ask you - have you seen Kendall?”

Harry thinks for a moment. When was the last time he saw Kendall? “Not since yesterday. Or the day before. Why?”

“She was supposed to come on the run today, we've been talking about this for a while. Today was the day. But she never showed.”

“Hm,” Harry hums. “Maybe she’s sick.”

Louis stands there for a moment later, clearly considering and weighing the options. “I hope that’s all,” he frowns. “Okay. I’ll be back.”

Harry watches him go into the house, trying to figure out what happened outside the wall that made Louis so different. The change in persona is absolutely stunning to Harry, Louis has had more energy and happiness, really, than he has in forever. Since Taylor was killed. He can’t decide if this is a good or bad thing.

He heads into the house, pleased to see that there’s a few cookies missing from the plate, meaning Louis took a few to eat himself. Harry starts cleaning up the cookie mess, and takes it upon himself to wash the few dishes in the sink (Louis doesn’t hate anything more than he hates washing dishes - except maybe walkers).

This time, Harry can’t hear Louis coming prior to his voice filling the kitchen. “I would have washed the dishes,” he says. Harry hopes Louis didn’t notice that he jumped a bit.

Harry lets out a laugh. “No, you would not have.”

“Yes I would.” Louis argues. Harry dries off his hands and turns around, leaning against the sink. He watches Louis take another cookie from the plate.

“You should bring some of those over for Lux,” Harry suggests. He knows how much Lux loves chocolate chip cookies.

“She’s coming here, actually,” Louis replies, breaking the cookie in half. “Lou’s dropping her off. I don’t really know what we’re supposed to do with the child for the night. Seeing as there’s no more television and there’s nothing else to do around here.”

“ _ We?”  _ Harry laughs, arching his eyebrows. “I thought  _ you  _ were the one watching her?”

“Well… you’re here too.” Louis admits, smiling. “And Lux loves you. And you’re here. So.”

“You are not dumping babysitting duties on me, mister,” Harry says firmly, even though he wouldn’t mind helping to take care of Lux. Or fully take care of Lux, for that matter. Louis could ask Harry to do anything - watch Lux, help him run away, help him kill Simon, help him do anything - and Harry would do it. Well, maybe killing Simon is kind of a large task, but Harry thinks he’d probably do it anyway.

“I’m not dumping babysitting duties on you, of course not. But you’re here, and I’m here, and Lux will be here, so we can all be together.”

“Ah, I see,” Harry nods, unable to keep the amused smile from his face. “That makes sense. I suppose you have a deal.”

“As if you’d ever pass up an opportunity to spend time with Lux,” Louis scoffs.

Again, as he has had to admit many times in the past, Harry knows that Louis is right. But, Harry would also agree with just about anything Louis says, so this really isn’t a surprise.

When Lou drops Lux off, she chats with Louis for a few minutes before heading over to Leigh’s. Lux’s young, creative imagination takes full hold almost immediately. She swamps Louis in a game of good versus evil, convincing him that she’ll be the one to save the day. Harry watches it happen, Louis being playful and happy and joking in a way that he normally isn't. Louis’ sense of humour comes in two ways – the way it is when he's with children, and the way it is when he's with adults. With children Harry has figured Louis to be mildly humoured. Laughing at things that really aren't funny, going to great lengths to _make_ something funny that really isn't that funny, attempting to share the same level of humour as Lux. With adults he's quicker, witty and sometimes a bit too crude. His voice practically drips sarcasm whenever he speaks to anyone above the age of twelve.

“Lux wants a cookie,” Louis’ saying. “Cookie Monster wants a cookie.”

Harry can't decide if Louis’ Cookie Monster impression or Lux’s contagious giggle is what makes him smile more. “There's a whole plate of them. You can't eat too many, though.”

“Which one of us can't eat too many?”

“Both of you.”

They eat too many cookies anyway. The puppy dog eyes of both Lux and Louis are too difficult to resist.  
  
  


 

“Can you tell me about before?” Harry asks, against his better judgement. 

“What?” Louis whispers back.

Harry sits up, looking over at Louis. The light filtering in through the bathroom, posing as a nightlight for Lux, is giving enough light to the bedroom that Louis is nearly fully visible. He's got Lux asleep on his chest but doesn't look tired himself, not even in the least. “I want to know more about you before.”

“I told you I don't like talking about that.”

“I know,” Harry sighs. “But then you told me about Stan and–and you're just like… I don’t know, a mystery. A big, confusing mystery.”

“I know just as little about your life before as you know about mine, Harold.”

Okay, true. Louis is right about another thing. Harry wishes he hated Louis for it. “Look, can we talk about this in the morning? I don't want to wake Lux up.” Louis says, running gentle fingers through her hair.

Harry nods, reluctantly settling back into the pillows. He hates Louis Tomlinson. He's too pretty, far too pretty to be living in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. If he's this beautiful in the wake of tragedy, Harry would hate (love) to see how beautiful Louis looks on a regular day. He's too smart, probably too smart and witty for his own good. And he's funny and sarcastic and everybody fucking  _ loves him.  _ Everyone Louis talks to looks ready to propose within five seconds of starting the conversation. Harry truly, truly hates Louis. 


	13. I Always Feel You in my Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from Vance Joy's "Fire and the Flood"

_ LOUIS _ **_._ **

 

Harry Styles is going to be the death of Louis, he can tell that right now. He won't die because of walkers or Simon Cowell or a tragic accident or because of the lack of tea in this new world. He will die because of Harry Styles. Period. 

He woke up this morning with Lux plastered to his left side and Harry on his right. Lux woke up as soon as Louis did, but Harry didn't move a muscle. The two snuck out of bed and left Harry when they went to meet Lou. Now Louis is back, child free, and Harry is still asleep. He looks so peaceful and simply pretty. Not complex, not dangerously beautiful. Just… simple. In the morning dew, gorgeous sunsets, writing your love in the sand beautiful. Simple. Evening walks and petting puppies. Not complex. In no way dangerous.

Finally, Louis makes the move. He crawls into bed, hovering over Harry. “Wake up,” he whispers. 

Harry groans, shaking his head. “Where's Lux?” 

“Took her back to Lou.” Louis replies, studying Harry’s face carefully. “You're beautiful, you know?” 

“Shut up. You're not allowed to say that.” 

Louis quirks an eyebrow. “Why not?” 

“Because you haven't tried to get in my pants in weeks and because I don't think you even  _ want  _ to.” 

Louis takes a deep breath. Here goes nothing. “When I was sixteen,” he says softly, keeping his face close to Harry’s. “I wrecked my mum’s car. I was driving home from a date and I just… right off the side of the road. Wrapped the front around a pole. Can't believe I even survived it.” 

Harry finally blinks his eyes open, bringing a hand up to rub at his face. “What?” 

“I called my mum to tell her what happened, and she just broke down crying. I told her I was sorry, I didn't know what happened, I’d help pay whatever needed to be payed. She finally told me that she didn't care about the car, because I was okay. That's when I realized that the people you have close to you are the most important part of your life. They're your home. It doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing, as long as those people are there, they make it feel like home.” 

“Louis.”

“When I was fifteen I got with Stan. I guess I should've started with that, he was the one I was on a date with. Anyway. When I was seventeen I had sex with a guy for the first time. It was Stan. We went all the way in the back of his shitty car,” Louis lets out a laugh. “When I was eighteen I got into NYU. And Stan got into Manchester.” 

“Then what?” 

“I started in New York when I was nineteen. I attended until I was twenty one, but I decided I needed time to  _ really  _ figure out what I wanted to do. I had a job at Zayn’s record shop and kept working that. Then I realized what I wanted to do, I wanted to make a name for myself. Open a label of my own. People come from nothing and become something all the time. So I enrolled in music and business classes and told my mum I wanted to help people do great things.” 

“That's great, Lou, really, but—”

“Be quiet,” Louis hushes. If he doesn't say any of this now, he never will. 

“Let me sit up, at least. I wanna look at you.” 

“You are– okay. Fine.” He moves off of Harry and sits on the bed next to him instead. Harry pushes himself up and yawns, nodding for Louis to continue. “I played footie when I was a kid. Everyone told me I was pretty good. But I’m sure I was shit. My backup plan was to keep my fitness up and try to play footie for my hometown team if everything else failed. Kinda let it go after a while.” he frowns down at his stomach. 

“You're beautiful,” Harry blurts. “No matter what.” 

Louis rolls his eyes. Harry just told  _ him  _ that he couldn't say things like that, and here Harry goes. “Shut up. I… um, what else do you want to know?” 

“First kiss.” 

“I was thirteen. She was nice. Pretty. But not my type. Knew I was gay the next year, got with Stan when I was fifteen. We thought it would last—”

Harry leans closer, so close that Louis is afraid to  _ breathe  _ for some reason. “I’m kissing you now.” he says. 

Louis would protest. He probably should protest and put a stop to it and walk away. But he doesn’t. He lets Harry’s soft lips land on top of his own, he lets his hands go up to Harry’s hair and lets Harry’s hand go to his waist. He kisses back, like he always does whenever Harry kisses him. 

“I need you to take your pants off,” Harry breathes. “Take your pants off. I’m about to rock your world, Tomlinson.” 

Again, Louis really, really should stop. But he doesn’t.    
  
  
  


“I don’t think I’ve ever had an orgasm like that, ever. Fuck,” Louis curses, resting his head against the pillows. “Jesus Christ, Harry.” 

Harry giggles, fucking  _ giggles,  _ in his completely sated state. He lays down next to Louis, resting his head on his chest. Louis uses his foot to pull the duvet up over the two of them. He prays to all the gods above that somebody doesn’t make the decision to barge into the house now. “I’m glad you were satisfied, then.” Harry says. 

They don’t say anything. The gears in Louis’ head turn as he debates what to say next. Maybe he just shouldn't say anything? He can't really decide. 

“You know what you said before?” Harry says finally. 

“About what?” Louis said a lot of things he didn't really want to say but ended up saying anyway. 

“When you talked about, like, people being home.” 

“Oh, yeah. I don't know, it's just this thing. People end up being more of a home than actual houses do to me. It's like… they're everything. It's kinda stupid, but that night with the car my mother made me realize that somehow. I don't know.”

“No, I like it. It's, like, comforting. Yeah, that's what it is. Comforting. You don't have to be settled down or have a house with four walls and a roof or any of the components of a stereotypical home. You can find it in a person or a group of people no matter where you are.”

And, yeah, that's it. Louis couldn't really put it into words, but Harry has. That's exactly it. Home in the form of a person rather than a house. 

“Louis?” Harry whispers. Louis hums, still deep in thought. Home, home, home. He misses home. “You kinda make this feel like home.” 

Louis closes his eyes and takes a breath. “You kinda do the same, kid.” 

“M’still not a kid,” Harry mumbles, sitting up. “I’m gonna take a shower.” 

Louis sits up a bit just to watch Harry get out of the bed and pad to the bathroom stark naked with no shame whatsoever. As the door shuts, he throws himself back into the bed with a loud groan. He cannot believe this is happening. And, in all honesty, Louis saw (or felt) it was happening ages ago. But he had Stan on his mind and the fucking zombie apocalypse on his mind and he doesn't want any of this. But now Harry’s…  _ Harry _ , all the goddamn time and Louis can barely contain himself. Harry is adorable and cute and funny and so incredibly charming and beautiful and strong that Louis thinks it's amazing everyone hasn't fallen directly into love with the boy already. 

None of it makes any sense, is the thing. They're smack in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. Louis’ long term boyfriend _cheated_ on him, thus ruining relationships for Louis (maybe). Harry stumbles along and is gorgeous. They have a thing, they don't have a thing. Louis feels like he's right back in Doncaster’s school atmosphere – couples here and there that aren't really couples, they just _have_ _a_ _thing_. Zayn says that Louis and Harry qualify as a couple. Louis doesn't think it makes any sense. 

Louis’ mother told him that love never makes any sense. It's not always going to be red roses and candle lit dinners. It's not always simple comforts like wild flowers and empty gas stations at five in the morning or a kitten meowing because she just wants your love. Love is never going to make sense, it's never going to be simple or easy or painless. The love is supposed to hurt, because that's how you know it means anything at all. Sometimes it's red roses, and red roses have thorns. It's not always candle lit dinners. Sometimes it's fires that will swallow you hole. 

Louis never realized that the fire could be a person. A person who is burning so bright that it hurts to look, but Louis keeps looking anyway because he's so goddamn beautiful. He knows that's what love is like. And that's exactly what terrifies him. 

 

********

 

“Are you in love?” Louis asks, staring at the baseball in his hand. 

“ _ What?” _ Zayn asks, sitting up abruptly. “In  _ love? _ ”

“Yeah, in love. What about you, Payno?” Maybe if Zayn can't give a good answer, Liam can. 

“Um… I don't know,” Liam admits. “Zayn?” 

Zayn thinks for a moment. “Hm. Well, I mean… Yeah. Yeah.” 

“How did you know? Like when was the  _ moment  _ you knew.” 

“The rated R version or the PG version?” Zayn asks. His smirk is so fucking ridiculous and Louis wants to smack it off of him. 

“You're an idiot.” 

“Alright, fine. I don't think it was one specific moment. It was her and it was me and it was this disaster and how somehow we’ve managed to keep it together… I don't know. But I have her, I’m surviving out here, I’m winning.” 

“More of a pyrrhic victory, probably.” Liam admits, making Louis laugh. Zayn gives them a confused look. Liam explains, “You won, but you lost so much in the process of winning that the win barely matters. In your case… you got Perrie, but you lost the world you once knew, your family, your life back home… everything.” 

Louis thinks harder about it upon seeing the frown on Zayn’s face. “I mean, maybe not,” Louis says encouragingly. “You have her, and if you love her, that's enough. That's a win. You know what I mean?” 

“Kind of. But now you're getting sappy and gross. Why are you asking about this, anyway?” 

Louis shrugs. He didn't really expect to get this far, and wasn't really sure what he would get as a response anyway. “I was just wondering.” 

“I see the way you look at him. Harry, I mean. I see the way you look at Harry. And the way he looks at you.” 

Louis snorts. “Yeah? How does he look at me?” 

“Like you’ve hung the goddamn moon,” Zayn says simply. Louis goes to say something about how  _ goddamn poetic  _ Zayn is being, but Zayn continues talking, “he looks at you like you hung the moon. And the stars. And gave him the entire universe.” 

“And how do I look at him?” Louis furrows his eyebrows. 

“Like you’re fucking in love with him.” 

_ Fucking ridiculous.  _ “Yeah, okay. Let's just play some baseball, shall we?

The boy living down the street wanted to get rid of his old baseball equipment, he didn’t see a use for it any longer. He left it in a box by the curb as if the garbage trucks were coming the next morning. Zayn found the stuff, asked if he could have it, and the kid said yes. Now they’re down by the south side of the community listening to walkers occasionally hit the wall as they get ready to play some kind of baseball game. 

“We can’t play without the others,” Liam says. “There’s only three of us at the moment, in case you couldn’t tell.” 

Zayn shoots him a dirty look. Louis just wants to get this game started so it can end. He doesn’t really want to play. Finally, the others show up, teams are made. Zayn gets Harry, Leigh-Anne, Gemma and Adam. Louis is stuck with both Niall  _ and  _ Liam, Perrie and Lou. Louis extremely pleased to have first ups. Leigh-Anne pitches for the other team. 

“I’m not going first,” Niall says, handing Louis a bat. “I can’t hit.” 

Louis rolls his eyes. “Alright, fine. But this means I pitch.” 

“Your sport’s footie, Tommo!” Zayn calls from second base, watching Louis step up to the plate. 

Louis flips him off and surveys the field. Harry’s on first, Zayn on second and Gemma on third. Adam is covering the outfield, which is a big task. That’s the one thing Louis is worried about at this moment in time. “Pitch straight, Pinnock.” he says, staring her down. 

“I’ll give you a tenner if you take out the window in Simon’s house down the block.” Niall says, plopping down in the section of the grass they're considering the dugout. 

Louis let's out a laugh, shaking his head as Leigh-Anne exaggeratingly winds up to pitch. Louis makes contact with his first swing, sending the ball flying like a bullet towards Gemma on third. She drops it, keeping Louis safely on first base. 

“You suck,” Harry remarks, looking Louis up and down. 

“Fuck you,” Louis sticks his tongue out, wishing he had a better comeback. 

Niall makes contact, a grounder out between second and third. Taking off running towards second, Louis yells over his shoulder, “eat my dust, kid!” 

Harry bursts out laughing, but Leigh doesn't give him enough time to sober up before pitching to Lou. Louis almost gets distracted - too busy watching Harry - but ends up being able to run. Niall gets out, Louis has to make a close slide into third in order to avoid it becoming a double play. 

It's loud, it's energetic and Louis is having more fun than he thought he would.    
  
  


 

“Pitch it straight, Tomlinson,” Harry says, squinting at Louis on the mound. “Don't try to go easy on me, either—”

Harry’s sentence is cut off by a loud crash. Louis watches his eyes go wide, looking at something behind Louis. Louis whips around. He can feel all the blood drain from his face, his heart dropping to his stomach. “Oh, shit,” he mutters. The wall has come down, the one Simon has been so goddamn keen on fixing. 

Louis can't count how many, but there's probably around sixty or seventy starting to file through, but Louis knows that more will come. At the same exact time, everybody drops everything they had in their hands and takes off towards the town. 

Louis stops at their house, trying to figure out what the  _ fuck  _ they do. He turns to Harry. “Get whatever you can from in there. A duffle, just throw it all in one. Any supplies or clothes or food we happen to have laying around, get it. Take this,” he takes the blade from his back pocket and puts it in Harry’s hand. “Get shit and get to the gate, okay?” 

“Where are you—”

“The armory. Do it, okay?” 

Harry swallows hard, nods his head. Louis can feel his fingers start to tremble. “You’ll be fine,” he reassures, squeezing Harry’s hand. 

Then he takes off towards the armory. It's unoccupied, which Louis finds odd. There's guns missing, so whoever came in here took what they could. 

“What the fuck is going on?” the back door slams shut, Simon coming into the room. 

Louis shoves boxes of ammunition into a plastic bag he snagged from the pantry part of the house on his way in. “The wall went down, and we’re out.” 

“You have to stay and try to–”

“No, we can't. There's already two dozen of them and there's more coming. The crash was fucking loud, Simon. I’m not fucking around here.” 

“You can't–”

“Where's Kendall?” 

“What?”

Louis grabs Zayn’s beloved crossbow and slings it over his shoulder before grabbing a pair of handguns and tossing them in the plastic bag. “I know you must've done something to her, Simon. This place was going to burn anyway, I’d make sure of it.” He says, taking the semi-automatic and pocketing a good sized blade for himself before putting two more in his pockets.  

That should be good. He hopes. 

“I didn't do anything to her! She left!” 

“Yeah, oh-fucking-Kay.” 

With that, he turns and heads out. Louis goes for the houses, displeased to see walkers spreading out through the community. Doors are already shut, families sealing themselves inside. “Shit, shit,” he breathes out.

Zayn and Perrie come from around back of their house, Zayn with a bag slung over his shoulder. “What are we doing?” he asks. 

“The keys to our car are taped to the inside of the hubcap,” Louis says slowly, not taking his eyes off the scene in front of him. “Go to it. Take this.” He hands them the stuff from the armory. 

“Don't do anything stupid!” 

He passes Leigh-Anne, Liam and Gemma, telling them to go to the car outside the gate. Niall is waiting for Harry, guarding the door to the house. 

He heads for Lou’s, deciding that's who would probably need the most help. She's packing a backpack for Lux, who is crying. 

“Do we have to leave?” Lou asks, sounding pleading. 

“He killed Kendall,” Louis says softly. “Or banished her, or something. He's not a good guy. And, yeah, he might get his shit together over here. But I don't want to help him do that, nor do I want to be here when it's fixed.” 

“What about the other people?” 

“They’ll have to do it for themselves. We can't carry everyone.” 

Lou sighs, nodding that she understands. Louis bends down in front of Lux to get her attention. “It’s gonna be okay, love. I promise. We’re gonna go out of here and we’ll find Harry, okay? Harry’s waiting for you.” 

“Scary,” she murmurs, shaking her head. 

“I know. I promise everything will be alright.” 

He stands up again, taking the bag from Lou and letting her pick up a still very scared Lux. They head back down the stairs, greeted by a banging in the kitchen. Louis sticks his head around the corner, quickly backing up at the sight of a single walker stumbling around. 

“Back door?” he asks softly, looking at Lou. “That’s where we need to go.” 

“Why?” 

He shakes his head, not wanting to say it in front of Lux and freak her out any more. They move quickly and quietly to the back door, leaving it wide open because it doesn’t really matter anymore. 

They travel along the wall to the gate, where the others are sitting in the van with the door open, just waiting for Louis to get back. 

“Is everybody here?” he asks, pulling the door shut. 

“Yeah,” Zayn replies, all the way up from the front seat. “Thanks for getting the bow back.” 

“I wasn’t gonna leave without it.” 

“Did you leave  _ any  _ ammunition?” Gemma asks, shuffling through the plastic bag. 

Louis makes eye contact with Harry across the van, whose eyes are wide and knowing. “Yeah, I did. I left some. A lot.” 

He wants to sit back and relax, finally in the van driving away from the walls that were home for a while. He wonders maybe if they could have stayed, if maybe he's wrong about Simon and Kendall. Louis can't relax, there's too much on his mind, too much at stake. 

“What’s wrong?” Harry asks quietly, shifting to sit beside Louis at the back of the van. 

“Was leaving the right thing to do?” 

Harry takes a deep breath. “What do you think?” 

“I don't know. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Simon isn't that bad, maybe we could've taken the walkers and fixed the wall. I don't know.” 

“Exactly. You don't know. None of us know anything. We all didn't blindly follow you, we could've easily stopped and said  _ no.  _ If anyone thought leaving would be more hurtful than beneficial, they would've stopped and said something. You don't carry the weight of this group or the weight of the world on your shoulders.” 

“Was I wrong about Simon?” 

Harry is quiet for a second. “I don't think so.” he says finally, but Louis feels that it lacks conviction. “What do we do now?”  

Again, Louis is unable to provide an answer. “I have no idea. We take it one day at a time now, I guess.” 

“It’ll be okay,” Harry assures, resting his head on Louis’ shoulder. “None of us know how or when or where it’ll end up okay, but I’m sure it will.” 

“That place was home. It was supposed to be good, we were supposed to be safe there.” 

Louis watches Harry’s hand come to rest on his own knee, but he doesn’t swat it away. Harry says, “you said it yourself. Home can be anywhere as long as you have people you love with you, right?” 

“Yeah, kid. Exactly.” 

 

 

Louis doesn’t like not knowing what is coming. He does not like being unprotected and clueless. They’ve stopped somewhere along the highway as the sun sets and have tried to reconvene, figure out what to do next. 

“We can’t just stop. We left there and we have to have a plan,” Zayn says firmly, crossing his arms over his chest as if it helps to get his point across. “I don’t want to blindly travel the east coast.” 

“It’s really hard to come up with a plan, everything’s a bit unpredictable at this point.” Louis replies. 

“It wasn’t unpredictable when we were in that community!” he yells, quickly pursing his lips after the outburst. It takes a  _ lot  _ to get Zayn so mad he’s yelling.

Louis nods, licking his lips. “So you think we should’ve stayed, then? If that’s what you think then just say it.” 

“You know what? I don’t think we should have left. I think we may have been able to stick around there and fix it. I don’t think we should have left.” 

“Awesome! Why didn’t you  _ fucking  _ say something then? We’re supposed to be in this together. We are a team, we make decisions together. If you stopped and said wait a minute, we could’ve made a decision-” 

“No, I couldn’t have!” Zayn is still  _ yelling  _ and Louis wants to fucking punch him. “I couldn’t have because once your mind is set, that’s it. You’re so fucking stubborn. You don’t want to hear anyone’s opinion except for your own.” 

“You know that’s not true.” 

“It’s  _ so  _ fucking true, Louis. You don’t want to do anything other than what you think should be done, what you think is the right thing to do!”    


“Could you stop fucking yelling?” Niall asks. Louis might punch him as well.

“You’re such a fucking dick, you know?” Louis accuses. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“You know exactly how right I am. You know that everything I’m saying is right. You don’t trust anyone else to do anything, you don’t trust anything anyone  _ says  _ to you because Stan fucking lied to your face for months before you woke up and realized it. And even before that your dad was absolute shit. Which I get that, Louis, I really do. But the second shit gets tough you take off.” 

“That's not true at all, Zayn. Fuck you.” He spits. Louis is going to hit him. He's gonna step forward and ball his fist and fucking hit him. Before he can, Perrie steps in front of him. 

“Walk away. You're both being real fucking douchebags right now. Go take a walk, Louis.” 

Louis glares at Zayn, then grabs a gun from the truck and heads off into the sparse forest. He can't even believe Zayn had the audacity to say any of those things. He knew Stan was lying, first of all. And that's not why he doesn't trust people. And he doesn't run away as soon as shit gets tough. That's the last thing Louis does. 

He finds a decent place to sit down and try to clear his head, leaning back against a tree. He prays to some God above that walkers steer clear. He doesn't really want to deal with that right now. 

Louis’ blissful silence is interrupted not five minutes later when Harry’s voice is calling for him. “There you are,” Harry breathes out, stopping in front of Louis. 

He sighs, pushing himself up from the ground and beginning to walk again. “Hey!” Harry calls. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” Louis replies, setting his jaw. This is  _ it.  _

“Zayn was really being a dick—”

“I know.”

“He said hurtful shit, I thought. I wanted to make sure—”

“What, I was okay? I’m fine, Harry.” 

It falls so silent that Louis can hear Harry smile before he speaks again. “What was he talking about? With Stan?” 

Louis sighs, turning to face Harry. “I had suspicions that Stan was cheating on me long before I went to NYU. But I thought it was just me being me and having doubts and insecurities. So I tried to ignore it. When I called him, that's when I had it. I caught him, that other guy answered the fucking phone,” he shakes his head. “Zayn will tell you that I was being stupid and naive the entire time because there was no  _ way  _ I didn't know Stan was cheating.” 

Louis isn't really sure who is right anymore – himself or Zayn. Or maybe neither of them. 

“Well… did you?” 

“I don't know.” 

Harry nods, taking a deep breath. 

“You don't have to say anything,” Louis says quickly. “Just don't say anything. It's okay. Everything's fine.”

“It's not fine,” Harry whispers. 

“It's fine,” he repeats, breaking eye contact. If Louis looks at Harry for any longer, things will surely fall apart. Or, maybe they won't. Harry has been the one stable thing Louis has actually  _ enjoyed  _ over the past few weeks.    
  
  
  


When he was at home, Louis never fully appreciated a bonfire with his family. He found them stupid, annoying, a hassle. They were boring. But now he's sitting around the small fire they’d managed to conjure up and he’s realizing that he really missed them. 

“I wanted to do a triathlon when I was younger.” Leigh-Anne says suddenly. 

“I wanted to change the world,” Louis says, sitting back against the tire of the van. “The entire goddamn thing.” 

“That’s impossible,” Perrie remarks. “You can’t change the entire world. You can do what you can to make it a better place for yourself and the people around you.” 

Zayn snorts at the same time Louis does. Louis hates how in sync they still are. “What is it with you people and all the philosophical shit?” Harry asks, but he’s laughing, a delightful laugh despite everything that happened today. “Between Gemma and our mum’s impressions on us and now Perrie’s change in the world and Niall’s fucking karass-” 

“Did you just say ass? What the hell was Niall talking to you about his ass for?” Louis furrows his eyebrows. “Ass, right?"

Harry laughs some more, this time Niall’s laughing with him. Louis really, really admires their ability to keep such light and hopeful spirits even though they’ve all been put through the ringer since this started. “No, Niall was not talking to me about his ass,” he laughs, leaning into Louis a little bit. Louis wishes he was drunk - that way there would be an explanation to the way that he’s feeling, there would be an excuse for the way Louis actually leans  _ into  _ Harry as well. 

“It’s called a karass,” Niall explains. Louis nods, attempting to follow along with whatever (presumed) bullshit is about to pour from Niall’s mouth. And they’re not even drunk. He still manages to talk some shit, though. Niall continues, “it’s the idea that a random group, like us,” he gestures around, “are joined by links we can’t see, we’re linked cosmically. Kurt Vonnegut – you know Vonnegut, yeah?” 

Louis nods. Of course he knows Vonnegut. He was studying English for a time at NYU. “Vonnegut says that they often do God’s will without even knowing that they’re doing it.” Niall finishes. “Karass.” 

“I think you’re an ass,” Liam says, reaching over and smacking Niall in the back of the head. Louis would have done the same thing. 

“We’re fated,” Harry says, looking up at Louis. Louis really, really wishes they were all drunk off their asses. “All of us. It’s fate.” 

“It’s bullshit,” Louis murmurs. He’s never been a firm believer in fate, in all honesty. Louis pushes himself up from the ground, causing Harry to nearly fall over. He mutters an apology, says he’ll be right back, and walks away from the car a little further down the road. 

Louis’ mind is racing. He can’t calm his thoughts about anything - Stan, Harry, Zayn, the community, the entire goddamn apocalypse. He cannot slow any of it down. he crouches down along the side of the road, attempting to collect himself. This doesn’t really do any good, because Louis’ mind is still going at a thousand miles per hour, whirring over every single thing that’s happening. 

“I think you’re having a breakdown,” Harry says suddenly. Louis looks up, watching him sit down beside him. “Do you wanna talk about it?” 

“I don't fucking like talking about things, Harry!” Louis exclaims. “I don't know why you insist on speaking about things. I don't want to talk about the zombies or Zayn or Stanley or any of it.” 

“My mum and dad are divorced. Mum remarried, he was a good guy. My mum was the most accepting person in my life. Like, I came out to her and she made me feel warm and safe and happy and unafraid. She did that for anyone she ever spoke to. And I think she would've loved you.” Harry rambles, pausing to look over at Louis. 

“Mother’s don't typically fall in love with me,” Louis admits softly. He thinks about how long it took for Stan’s mother to warm up to him. It took a really, really long time. Unreasonably long. Even back then, Louis had quite the mouth on him. 

“No, mine would've loved you. Yeah, you've got a bit of an attitude and sometimes you're more talk than anything else, but she appreciated someone with a voice. Everything you think makes you undesirable or quirky or annoying is exactly what she would've fallen in love with.” 

Louis lets out a laugh. “Yeah, once she finds out about the skeletons in my closet I’m sure she’ll still feel the same way.” 

“I know you're being sarcastic, but she would. And I would too.”

Louis takes a deep breath, tipping his head back and staring up at the cloudy sky. “My dad drank. It was really bad. I don't know why my mum never walked away, I could never put my kids through the shit he pulled. I was, like, the father, because he was never there. Then when I was seventeen…” Louis pauses, swallowing hard. “When I was seventeen he killed himself. Drove himself right into a tree.” 

“Louis…” Harry says brokenly. “I’m—”

“Don't say you're sorry. It happened a long time ago and I’m not upset over it anymore. I hated him, honestly. But the night I found out, I went and I slept with Stan. I slept with him out of grief. So I don't know what happened that made us stay together. I don't know why I thought anything would ever hold, I don't know how it did.”

“You had hope. And it's a good thing. To have hope, that’s a good thing. Why don’t you believe in fate? Don’t tell me that you don’t want to, because I don’t really care. You’re literally having a breakdown right now, and it’s because you don’t talk about anything.” 

“I just don’t. I don’t know why.” 

Louis is grateful when Harry doesn’t say anything. He honestly cannot explain why he doesn’t really believe in fate - it’s always been something Louis has considered unrealistic. And his mum told him that was the point of fate, it makes the unrealistic, realistic again. Louis still doesn’t think it makes sense. 

“Louis?” Harry asks softly. Louis braces himself for whatever may be coming. He hums, unwilling to let Harry be ignored. “Why do you think we met, then? If you think Niall’s karass is bullshit. What am I to you?” 

“I don’t know why we met. But you… you were like the first breath of air after you come up from under water. Or, like, stepping outside directly after it rains, and that smell, you know? Or hugging someone you love after a really, really long time. You, Harry Styles…” he trails off, staring at Harry’s wonderfully beautiful lips. 

“I’m what?” Harry asks quietly, licking his lips like he knows exactly what Louis is staring at. Louis guesses he’s being pretty obvious about it, but Harry doesn’t seem to mind. 

“You’re…” Louis shakes his head, reaching up and cupping Harry’s cheek, running his thumb towards those beautiful lips. “Lovely. Beautiful. The one sliver of perfect left in this imperfect world.” 

Harry inhales a shaky breath. “You remember when you beat that guy up after we left that first town?” Louis just nods, not wanting to speak in fear of showing how disappointed he is in Harry’s sudden change in topic. “Do you regret doing that? Risking your life for me?” 

“Not at all.” 

“You remember… Do you remember that first little community? Where we met Lou?” Harry asks. Again, Louis nods. “That first night… When you and I took the watch shift, and I fell asleep. I woke up with a blanket over me the next morning… You put it over me, didn’t you?” 

Louis bites his lip, nodding. “Yeah, that was me. Have you been thinking about that all this time?” 

Harry lets out a soft laugh, pressing his cheek into the palm of Louis’ hand. “I kind of have been. I just… I never thought to ask you.” 

Louis leans forward then, catching Harry’s lips in a soft kiss. Harry’s kisses are like serenity being reached, he always kisses like he’s got time running out on his internal clock, yet as if there’s an eternity left. Harry’s kisses feel like fire, fire that starts in Louis’ lips and travels throughout his body. It can be felt all the way to his toes. Louis feels like if he touches anything else, he’s going to set fire to that too. He could touch his fingertips to the grass and it would ignite, touch the trees and they would burn and fall one by one. The walkers would be engulfed in the flames as they spread, spread, spread. Harry’s kisses could heal pain and end the hellish world they’re facing now. 

Harry pulls back for a second, takes a big breath and stares at Louis. “That moment,” Louis breathes, breaking out into a grin. “That breath of air.” 

Harry smiles back, already moving in for the kiss again. Then he pauses and softly says, “I want you to kiss me. The way that you would have kissed me if you met me in a bar in Manchester and we were hooking up for the night.” 

That is definitely a task Louis can manage. 

  
  


********

 

Days on the road pass by slowly, each one tougher than the last. Louis does kind of miss the safety of the enclosed town, and he briefly wonders sometimes whether or not Simon and the others have rebuilt it. He wonders a lot about what happened to Kendall, but Liam eventually convinces him not to dwell on it because now there’s nothing that they can do. 

Kissing Harry has become Louis’ favourite pastime. He tries to do it whenever he can, no matter who is watching or what they’re doing. They’re kissing right now, actually, leaning against the van as the sun rises and they need to prepare to face a new day. 

Louis never wants to move. He could stay here forever and ever, never – “Hey!” 

Someone yelling makes Harry draw away immediately, looking for what’s wrong. “Slow down,” Louis says quietly, putting a hand on his arm in an attempt to slow Harry down. He doesn’t recognize the voice, so it can’t be one of their friends. 

“You fuckers are still alive, huh?” 

_ That  _ voice Louis recognizes. It’s Eleanor. Harry breaks away, heading around the van. Louis follows suit, taking in the three people standing before him. Eleanor, Sophia and  _ Kendall.  _ “Holy fucking shit.” he breathes out. 

It’s a sloppy, frantic greeting from everybody. They’re all so relieved to see their three newest friends still alive and okay after everything that happened at the community. Eleanor and Sophia explain what happened to Andy - he simply didn’t make it out of the chaos that unfolded at the community. Horribly tragic, but something that cannot be changed. 

“What happened to you?” Louis asks, finally getting a moment aside with Kendall. 

“I left.” 

“Why?” 

She looks at him, eyebrow pitched upward. “You know why. You’re smart, Louis.” 

So, Louis’ suspicions about Simon were right. She left because of Simon. Louis feels just the slightest bit of comfort knowing that he wasn’t completely out of his mind. He looks at Harry, who has a massive grin on while talking to Eleanor. “You and Styles were sucking face back there, weren’t you?” Kendall asks suddenly. Louis looks at her, only to discover that her gaze is following Louis’ to see where he was looking. 

“We were not sucking face.”  _ We were totally sucking face and it was the best make out session of my life.  _

“He’s cute.” 

Louis smiles fondly, nodding in agreement. “Yeah, he is.” 

“Don’t let him cloud your vision.” 

“I’m not. Don’t worry.” 

“Listen, I don’t want to worry you. But we’re going to have company over here really soon,” Kendall says, voice hushed. Louis gives her a puzzled look. Kendall takes a deep breath. “There's a whole herd of them coming this way. We've been ahead of them for some time now, but now that we stopped and did this whole mushy shitshow…” 

“They've been able to close the gap,” Louis replies, keeping his voice just at low. “How many of the do you think there are?” 

She snorts. “I have no idea. A lot. We tried not to stop and look at how many there were.”

“We could lead them from the main road,” Louis suggests. 

“How do you—oh, no. Take the van? You can't do that. Why don’t we just get a move on and then we can lose them?” 

Louis huffs. He knows that they could do that, somebody might argue that it’s easier and less dangerous, but that doesn’t change the fact that this herd is still walking down the highway. He can’t decide if it’s Harry impact on him or the fact that he’s trying to think preemptively, but Louis would rather get them off the road for any other people that may need to come through. Or maybe they group will have to come back, or maybe they’ll stop somewhere for a night and end up swarmed by dozens and dozens of walkers. Deterring them from their current route and leading them to the woods seems like the best option. “How would you even do that?” Kendall asks. 

“Do what?” Gemma interrupts.  _ Dammit _ . He was hoping to get through this without making it a really big thing right off the bat. 

“There’s, um…” Kendall says slowly, looking at Lux. Lou immediately picks her up and takes her to the other side of the van. Removing Lux from the talk about the bad is always done. “There’s a herd, making their way down this way. Louis wants to be an  _ idiot  _ and lead them away from the road.” 

“What? You’re just telling us this now?” Leigh-Anne asks, angry. Louis has never seen her so scandalized, so offended. 

“They were pretty far away from us before. But I think we should keep on moving. That’s what Eleanor, Sophia and I were planning on doing, and then we ran into you guys.” 

“What exactly do you want to do?” Liam asks, giving Louis a puzzled look. “Take the van and-” 

“Drive back. Lean on the horn, blast the one goddamn Stones CD that’s in there, get them to follow the car off the road. Put distance between the car and them, turn down the music, and drive back. If enough distance is put between the walkers and the car, they won’t even know where it went.” 

“How do you know that’ll work?” Sophia’s look is wary, but Louis feels like he can persuade her to agree to the plan. 

Louis licks his lips. “Well, I don’t.” 

“You can’t go alone.” Gemma says. “I’ll go with you.” 

“And me,” Niall adds. “Let me come.” 

“Fine, but that’s it.” 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Play martyr much, do you?” Kendall throws her hands up in defeat. 

“I trust you to lead these bandits safely until we’re back with the van. Can you manage that?” he asks her, low enough that the others don’t here. Kendall sighs, clearly still pissed in wake of her defeat, but nods her head. “Okay, good.” 

“Does anybody object to this plan?” Perrie calls. “Anyone objecting, say so now.” 

Louis looks at Harry, looking for a sign of protest or a sign of approval - a sign of anything. Harry looks up and meets his eyes, nodding ever so slightly. He walks over to Louis, arms folded over his chest. “You have to be careful,” Harry says. Louis opens his mouth to speak, but Harry continues. “And you can’t do anything stupid. Be  _ careful.”  _

“I’ll be back. Don’t worry. This will take a half hour. Tops.” 

Harry nods. “Alright.” 

The three get into the van, Gemma beating Niall to calling shotgun. They head back the way that the girls came from. In the rearview mirror, Louis watches Harry lift one hand and wave goodbye. With a deep breath, Louis looks forward. 

They come upon the herd not too long later, which means they only had a little while to get a move on. Louis prays to some God that this is the right decision to be making. He wonders what would happen if they didn’t make it back. What would happen to Harry? “Put on  _ Aftermath,”  _ Louis says, already getting ready to lean on the horn and create as much noise as possible. He watches Gemma pop in the copy of The Rolling Stones’ album  _ Aftermath.  _ He thinks briefly about how Harry mentioned one time how this is one of his favourite Stones albums. Then he said that it was some kind of fate that it ended up in the very van they’re driving around, and Louis called him crazy. 

“You better hope this works, Tomlinson.” Gemma mutters, rolling down her window and sitting up to hang out and make some more noise. 

The walkers follow the horn as the sound of  _ Mother’s Little Helper  _ starts blaring through the speakers. They have a little bit of fun with it, singing the song lyrics as loud as they possibly can, swerving the car through the trees. Niall even gets out of the car and runs alongside it for a moment, screaming the lyrics to  _ High and Dry  _ as he does. 

“Alright,” Gemma says finally, when  _ Aftermath  _ is halfway through it’s second play, “do you think this is far enough? We should turn back and try to find the others.” 

Louis looks in the mirror, looking at the fifty feet between themselves and the walkers. “Yeah, probably. Let’s pick up the pace and widen the distance here before we make a loop around.” 

He presses down on the pedal, picking up the pace through the woods and increasing the distance from the herd. Once they’re far out of sight, Gemma turns down the radio and Louis leans off the horn, resting his elbow on the door. At Niall’s request, Louis drives a little further before finally turning around and traveling parallel to where the walkers should still be stumbling along, going far enough before  _ finally  _ making the way back towards the road. 

“So, how’s Harry?” Gemma asks, rolling her window up.

Niall hums, leaning up between the two front seats. “Yeah, I’d like to know about that.” 

Louis rolls his eyes, rubbing his chin with his hand. “Why can’t any of you mind your own damn business anymore?” 

“Because there’s no more Kardashians or  _ The Bachelor  _ or anything anymore. Where else are we supposed to get our drama fix? How’s my brother, Louis?” 

“He’s fine. He’s… great, really.” Louis admits, nodding. “Why do you wanna know?” 

“Are you using condoms? Do they even have those?” Gemma asks curiously. She turns to look at Niall. “Do we even have condoms here?” Niall shrugs in reply, and Gemma turns back to Louis. “Really, though. Are you?” 

Louis coughs, really not wanting to face this conversation. “Um, yes, we have condoms. Whether or not we’re always using them…”

“You’re not fucking using-Louis! Did you never have a fucking health course--” 

“Would you relax?” Louis groans, struggling to fight the instinct to throw his head back against the seat in frustration. “I’m-I’m not… you know. I’m clean. And Harry said so too. Besides, if we can survive the zombie apocalypse we can survive some unprotected sex, don’t you think?” 

Gemma squints at him. “Hm. You’re awful, you know that?” 

“Look, you’re the one who came prodding into it. Besides, we haven’t done  _ that  _ since we left the community. Relax, please.” 

By the time they finally find their way back onto the main road, the rest of their group is nowhere to be found. They keep their hopes up, obviously the group didn't disappear. Unless of course Simon Cowell has come back for them and plans to kidnap them all. Louis tries to forget the idea of that happening. They drive slowly, looking between the trees to see if maybe they dipped off the road for whatever reason. 

Finally, finally, they come up on the group all say along the side of the road. Kendall, Zayn and Liam are all standing, clearly ready to take action at any point. 

“Thank god,” Harry breathes out, immediately bringing Louis into a tight hug. “That was dangerous and I hate when you guys do dangerous things.” 

“I know, kid. I know.” 

Everybody piles back into the van, and they drive a bit faster than they were before. No radio, no yelling and barely any talking. Louis can feel Harry looking at him, can feel Harry’s hand on his thigh tracing mindless patterns, can hear Harry’s breathing and his laugh on the occasion someone says something stupid. He’s also thinking about how cramped this van is with so many people in it, and mentally makes a note to begin looking for a second vehicle.

“Louis,” Harry whispers. Louis can feel Harry’s breath on his neck. “I want a kiss.” 

“Lovebirds!” Niall calls teasingly. 

Louis rolls his eyes. Whether he’s rolling his eyes at Niall’s teasing or Niall’s use of the word  _ love.  _ “Lou _ is,”  _ Harry whines, squeezing Louis’ thigh. “Just one.” 

“You’re ridiculous,” Louis replies. He finally looks down at Harry, who is grinning ear to ear. Louis rolls his eyes again, but leans down and gives Harry a quick kiss. “There, you got your kiss. Now we both have herpes.” 

Harry lets out a laugh. “ _ You’re  _ ridiculous.” 

 

********

 

“How come you’re being so quiet?” Harry asks. He’s traveling at a much slower pace than Louis is, which Louis is finding to be kind of a nuisance. They should really step it up a bit, everyone’s waiting to get back with what is probably the only remaining burnable wood. “You’re being weird.” 

Louis shakes his head. “I’m not. I’m being normal.” 

“Was it something I’ve done? Or are you still pissed about Zayn? I noticed you haven’t really spoken to him.” 

“It’s nothing, Harry. Would you please stop it?” Louis can’t turn around and look at him. So he keeps his head up and jaw set, unwilling to let Harry get to him. 

Harry sighs. “Louis, do you want to be with me?” Louis can hear Harry pick up his footsteps to walk alongside him. Louis tries not to roll his eyes. “Because right now I really feel like you  _ don’t  _ want to be with me, because you seem so… I don’t know, distant? That’s the only word I can think of to put to it. You’re distant and it seems like you’re only here for kicks, just for the hell of it. I don’t like the way that makes me feel. I stayed with you, Louis. I’ve stuck with you all this time because I care about people in general, but I care about you in a different way. I would capture the stars even though I’m pretty sure you shine brighter than any of them already,” Harry pauses, thinking Louis will say something. 

Louis can’t find his words.  _ I hear you, I hear you, I hear you.  _

Harry continues, “I care about you in a different way than I care about my sister or my mum. I don’t know if maybe you don’t care about me in the same way or you’re not as crazy about me because it’s not the real world - well, not the normal world. And I know you say that this is the real, normal world, but whatever. I don’t know if it’s me or if you’re scared or if it’s Zayn or if you’re still hung up on Stan even though we’ve talked about that… I don’t know what. It’s driving me insane, trying to figure out if I’ve done something wrong. I don’t-” 

“Shut up already, holy shit!” Louis exclaims suddenly, finally snapping. “I don’t care about any of that shit, okay? And you haven’t done anything wrong. I don’t care what this world looks like or how many people we’ve lost or how many we will lose, I don’t care about how many physical or metaphorical skeletons we’ve got in our closets.” 

Harry doesn’t say anything. “What is it, then?” he asks finally. 

“I’m scared, okay? I’m fucking terrified to have any of this with you. Shit gets real and that’s when I tend to run away. Zayn is completely right about that - I run the second anything gets too real or too hard. My mum warned me about love and how it’s never supposed to be easy. It’s not always going to be nice and pretty with roses and candles. She taught me so much about what love is supposed to be and what it isn’t supposed to be, I watched her go through so much wrong love. But she never, ever taught me that sometimes the candle flame can be a fucking person. She warned me about dangerous boys and dangerous men but she never warned me about beautiful, smart and talented boys with the pretty eyes. She never told me what happens when you fall for someone like that!” 

“Why haven’t you figured it out yet, then?” 

“I  _ have,”  _ Louis sighs, dropping the wood he has in his arms. “When you fall for someone like that they put the colour in your world, but it comes in the shades of their skin and the clothes they wear and their lips and their eyes. They put meaning to all the stars you’ve found pretty all this time without knowing the stories behind them. They put a certain feeling on your tongue whenever you say their name - the feeling of safety and home and all good things. Their kisses feel like promises and taste like forever and they light a fire so bright that you have to see it, you have to feel it and you can’t even look away because it’s too goddamn beautiful. People like that - people like  _ you  _ explain perfectly why they named hurricanes after people. And I know all of this, I know exactly what it is and what it means and it terrifies me.” 

Louis feels like a fucking idiot. He’s standing here under the setting sun and proclaiming his stupid fucking love for a beautiful boy as zombies surely move closer to them. “I scare you?” Harry breathes out. They’re so close now (Louis isn’t quite sure how that happened but he isn’t really complaining) that Louis can feel Harry’s breath. 

“Yeah, a bit. But I don’t care. I don’t care how many people die or how many you kill or I kill or how scared loving you makes me feel. I don’t care about anything besides you. And I didn't fall blindly into love with you, I didn’t mistakenly stumble into it, or use it for shelter for a day or two. I don't think anyone can fall  _ blindly  _ into love with anyone else. My eyes were wide open, I willingly walked into love with you. Everything about you, and I don't care about anything other than you.” 

“Can I say something now?” Harry asks, biting his lip. Fuck, Harry is definitely going to kill Louis. He manages to nod and keep his composure. “I’ve been in love with you since you aimed your gun at me in that conference room.”    


Louis lets out a laugh. “You’ve been driving me crazy since then, kid.” 

Together, they pick up the wood with smiles on their faces bigger and brighter than anything in the world. Louis feels kind of like he’s floating. He’s had a huge weight lifted off his stomach and the knot in his stomach has disappeared. Louis glances at Harry, and his heart flutters a bit at the sight of the massive grin plastered on his face. 

Later, Louis and Harry are sat leaning against the back of the van with no hopes of getting any rest. Harry’s head is on Louis’ shoulder, their hands are intertwined as Harry plays with Louis’ fingers. “Do you believe in soulmates?” Harry asks quietly. “I know you don’t really do fate, but I mean…” 

“I don’t really know. Why?” 

“I’ve just noticed… Your tattoos. Some of them really go with mine. That’s some, like, soulmate shit. Don’t you think?” 

Louis hums, considering for a moment. “You’re doing one hell of a job of convincing me, I’ll admit that.” 

Harry presses his face into Louis’ neck so that Louis can feel it. “Good. I’m glad.” Harry doesn’t say anything for a moment. Then he says, “when did you know you’d fallen in love with me?” 

Louis takes a deep breath. “Whenever I think of losing you, whether it be crossing my mind during the day or haunting me at night, my chest gets tight. I can’t breathe and I feel almost sick to my stomach at the possibility of you being gone. When we led the walkers away and I saw you standing in the rear view mirror, I just thought  _ what if I never come back?  _ and realized that would mean never seeing you again. That terrified me. The first time I realized I was in love, like the real deal, was one night. I had a dream the walkers got you instead of Nick, and I woke up hot and sweating and purely  _ terrified  _ but you were right next to me. That’s when I realized.”

Harry sighs, sounding content and happy and comfortable. “You know, you really have a way with words when you try?” 

Louis laughs. “I used to write songs. Did I ever tell you that?” 

“Maybe you mentioned it. I think that's really beautiful, Lou,” Harry admits. Louis watches Harry trace a heart over the back of Louis’ hand. “I’ll bet they all could've been hits.” 

Louis doesn't mention the fact that he could probably pen an entire album’s worth of songs about Harry without trying too hard. Maybe he will. 


	14. Riding the Aftershock Beside You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from Lifehouse's "Between the Raindrops"

_ HARRY _ **_._ **

  
  


Louis looks like an angel (this is something Harry determined a long time ago). Louis looks like an angel, but when he smirks – that shit-eating, mischief causing smirk – he looks a hell of a lot like the devil. But when he kisses Louis, like he’s thinking of doing right now, the kisses are somewhere between heaven and hell. One part of Harry says hell, another part thinks they’re completely heaven. 

“You’re drooling, I think,” Zayn says, reaching over and putting a hand on Harry’s chin to playfully close his mouth.

Harry swats him away. “You’re in the back, you have no business reaching up here.”

“I’m saving your dignity. You’re literally gaping at the moment.”

Harry looks over at Louis, who has one of those shit-eating grins on his face. “Stop making that face.” Harry cries.

“Shut up!” Gemma hollers from the back of the van. “I’m trying to sleep since I didn’t get much of it last night!”

“We offered to let you stay in the van and sleep,” Leigh-Anne sings. “We all didn’t need to be outside. Perrie had a perfectly decent night’s sleep in here, didn’t you, Pez?”

Perrie laughs. “Yeah, I did. It was fine.”

“Yeah, they were fucking for most of the night,” Louis’ laugh fills the van, accompanied by the others a split second later. Harry notices his relaxed grip on the steering wheel as they drive down the open road.

He turns his head to look out the window, watching the scenery roll by. The sun is just starting to come up, the sky brightening oh-so slightly. They're in Pennsylvania, maybe. Harry’s pretty sure that's where they are, but none of it really matters. It's all the same now anyway. Walkers stumble along, aimless and clueless. The feeling Harry gets when they pass signals to him that he’s no longer afraid of them. 

“Ah, shit,” Louis mutters suddenly, causing Harry to whip his head to look at him. “We just used up the last of any juice this thing has, I think.” 

“There's still gas,” Niall points out. Harry looks over, nodding in agreement. There is still gas in the tank. 

“Might be the engine,” Louis sighs, getting out of the car and popping the hood of the car. “Do any of you know a thing or two about cars?” 

“Nope,” Leigh-Anne sighs. “But I mean, it's probably not supposed to smoke like that.” 

“Alright. That’s it.” Gemma groans. “Let's get our stuff and get a move on.”

They begin getting their stuff from the car, triple checking to make sure they've taken anything that could possibly be needed as the sun rises higher in the sky. 

They’re slowly coated in warm orange light. It paints their bodies and the pavement and the walkers wandering. Harry takes a deep breath and feels the sun on himself like it’s the last time he's ever going to feel it. And maybe it is the last time. Harry grabs Louis’ hand in his own and gets a comforting, reassuring squeeze in return. They group turn their faces towards the sun, heads held high, and begin a journey to nowhere in particular. 

**Author's Note:**

> Congratulations, if you're reading this then you've reached the end of my baby. I hope that you enjoyed reading it. I really threw myself into this fic, and I would appreciate feedback, like always! Thank you so much for reading. 
> 
> Feel free to follow me on Twitter (@itfeltlikehome_) or Tumblr (hemadeitfeellikehome).


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